My Word For 2018

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Have you ever noticed that the circumstances in life that you struggle with the most seem to repeat themselves over and over again, until you finally find a way to handle them differently?

In past years, I have chosen a word for the upcoming new year. Words like tenacity and service, or perhaps the words actually chose me as my friend Louise Gallagher, over at Dare Boldly has often suggested.

I am certain that my word for 2018 chose me.

Let It Go.

Yes, I know those are three words, but no single word I’ve found, such as release, or surrender, or acquiesce, have fully meant to me what those three little words have come to mean.

I realize, as well, that those three little words have not just made their debut in 2017. They have been waiting patiently at the sidelines for three years, maybe more.

You see, in my family, an issue arises and we scramble to “Fix It”. This works well when it’s a manageable situation like, my car won’t start – call AMA, or my computer is acting up – have you tried rebooting it.

Yet there are many situations in life where you can do all you know to do, and it doesn’t get fixed. There are variables that are simply out of your control, and those are the very things, in my case, that can roll around in my head like a PowerPoint presentation or video that has been set to ‘continuous loop.’

That loop can take over, and more often than not, it prevents me from taking action in other situations, over which I actually have some measure of power to make a difference.

And so, those three little words unassumingly step forward for the millionth time to gently nudge me, encourage me to recognize, to really see that it is time to let it go, to trust, and accept, and even embrace the natural unfolding of what is.

And yes, it really is as simple as that.

Wishing you all an amazing 2018 filled with courage, growth, resiliency and love,

Diana

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In Those Times

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Remember:
Kindness is for all times in all situations – not just when it suits you.

-Audray Landrum

Those times in life when it seems that evil continually prevails, when greedy people keep getting, and vulnerable people keep losing.

Those times when those who don’t follow the rules keep winning, when those who prey on weaknesses are exulted, when those who feel entitled are granted whatever they wish, and those whose genuine efforts and unselfish motives are overlooked time after time.

Those times when I can’t bear to watch anymore, when my anger overtakes me, when for just once, for just one God damned time, my utter hatred of their actions, my complete disdain of them, my raging judgment of them makes me want to squash them, to shine a light on their selfishness, expose their nakedness to every single person, and humiliate them in front of the world.

In those times, although it’s excruciatingly difficult, I must dig deep inside of myself with humility, recognize those same tendencies in me and acknowledge my own shortcomings. I must search for the good in them, reach out with love and kindness and pray it makes a difference.

~ DIANA’S ENORMOUS BOOK OF QUOTES ~

Vulnerability and Truth

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“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.”

― Brené Brown

It’s scary to be vulnerable, isn’t it? It makes you feel weak, and even worse it makes you appear weak to others.

Suppose you don’t know what to do about a situation at work, if you ask for help, would it seem like you cannot do the job you were hired to do?

Suppose you are grieving the loss of someone close to you, or are worried about the circumstances a loved one has found themselves in, if you talk about it or cry, would it seem as though you are too emotional?

What if you’re afraid to go to the dentist, or a job interview, or know you need to admit you were wrong about something, if you hesitate or show any anxiety, would you look like a coward?

I grew up believing it did. Crying was weak. Smiling or laughing made you look foolish. The only acceptable emotion was anger, which somehow proved that you were strong.

It can take years to finally know that vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage.

~ DIANA’S ENORMOUS BOOK OF QUOTES ~

The Trump Effect

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You lose your grip and then you slip into the masterpiece.

~ Leonard Cohen

I’d like to tell you that I’m even-tempered. That I keep a cool head when my patience or my sense of right and wrong are being tested. That the minute I feel my jaw clench in anger, I am able to say some kind of catch phrase like Breathe or Let It Go and I’m magically transported to the present where the stuff I’m losing my cool about hasn’t happened yet and may never ever happen at all. But I’d be lying.

Truth is, this is something I’m always trying to grow into and although I’m getting better at it, I may never master it. But that’s ok as long as I’m trying, right?

What seems funny to me is that when I’m in the midst of ‘losing it,’ I feel perfectly justified. Yet when I see someone else behave in a similar manner, My mouth forms the word WOW and I think to myself, ‘What a wacko.’

The Donald and how some of us react to him is a good example of this. “Oh those bad Canadians, they’re really screwing us over in the milk industry and softwood lumber industry by doing this and that and the bad Mexicans, something to do with chickens blah, blah, blah…and so I’m going to renegotiate to get us a better deal or just pull out of NAFTA all together.”

And then chaos ensues and people are running around to research if what he is saying is really true and if he can actually do what he says he going to do and the news is consumed with the silliest debates, things we all thought we were clear on like is the sky really blue and we wonder well is it and then we think, hey wait a minute… Ugh I GOT CAUGHT UP IN THIS AGAIN!

I’m seriously starting to wonder if he is a genius in the sense that he can so easily get us so wound up and I bet he’s having a nap, or reading the paper or doing laps in a pool, or worse working on something he doesn’t want the public to know about, while we are reacting to a non issue!

Well as it turns out, he can’t just pull out of NAFTA. The worst he can do is sign an executive order that indicates he would like to pull out in six months and then it would go through this huge process and many others would have to want to do the same – bottom line – it’s a process that goes way beyond Donald’s mere wishes…

Anyway, my point really has nothing to do with NAFTA or Donald Trump or politics or how we should navigate these issues. It merely serves as a globally recognizable example of something I struggle with daily – to not immediately react to a situation, to not get pulled into someone else’s chaos, to just breathe, stay in the present and respond in a caring and appropriate way.

` DIANA’S ENORMOUS BOOK OF QUOTES ~

What’s the thing you struggle with? Can you think of a good Trump illustration for it? 😉

Vulnerability

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“The marks humans leave are too often scars.”

John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

I have this thing I want to share with you. I’m not particularly proud of it, but I’ve learned so much about myself because of it. But I’m afraid to tell you. I’m afraid you will leave me. I’m afraid you won’t want to be in my life anymore. I’m afraid you won’t look at me in the same way.

We’ve all felt this way at some point with someone, whether it was a lover, a parent, a child, a sibling, or a friend. But sharing whatever it was came with the threat of losing the other. And not sharing came with the threat of losing honesty between us and the laying of the first brick of a wall that will eventually divide us.

It’s no wonder we struggle with vulnerability. It can hurt us, and most probably will. After all the root of vulnerable comes from vulnera which is Latin for “to wound.”

Yet if I am not honest about who I am and you are not honest about who you are, do we even really have a relationship?

~ DIANA’S ENORMOUS BOOK OF QUOTES ~

What To Do When You’re Wrong

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“Swallow your pride occasionally… it’s non-fattening!” ~Unknown

Upon the realization that you were wrong, you could continue to argue your point and hope that the individual who is right will just give up.

Or when it dawns on you that your neglect or malicious actions have done another harm, you could just continue to act as if you harmed no one, as if you are free from blame, as if it is the harmed one who is to blame, the one who ruined everything.

You could that, and maybe others will believe you, but you won’t find lasting peace that way.

Why not acknowledge the egg on your face. Own up to what you’ve done. Eat crow if you must. Lay in the bed you’ve made. Pay the piper. Take your licks.

You aren’t the first human to mess up, and you won’t be the last. I mean it’s not like everybody doesn’t already know. Your denial doesn’t make it go away.

So say sorry when you’re wrong. Seek forgiveness. Make amends if you can. And if there’s a price to pay for what you did, then pay it.

Swallow your pride occasionally…it’s non fattening!

~ DIANA’S ENORMOUS BOOK OF QUOTES ~

The Truth is Revealed

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body language, deceit, lies, Truth

On Wednesday, I posted Can You Catch Me In A Lie and I challenged you to guess which of the following three statements was a lie.

1. I once saw Neil Young at a Tim Hortons.

2. I once did a standup comedy routine at Yuk Yuks.

3. I once auditioned for a small part in the movie Cadence.

Most of you chose #2 as the lie

The truth is, #2 is a truth. Several years ago I took a standup comedy class. Our last class consisted of doing our routine at Yuk Yuks. Let me tell you, it was tough. They say that most folks would rather die than speak in front of an audience. I’ve done lots of public speaking in my day and I rather enjoy it, but comedy is brutal. I did my routine on the benefits of ‘being single.’ And I ended with something like, “Who am I kidding? Being single sucks. So if you’re single too, call me. My number’s on the men’s washroom wall.

#3 was the second choice

Sorry to say, number 3 is also a truth. When I was in my twenties Martin Sheen, Charlie Sheen and Emilio Estevez were filming the movie Cadence on Piva’s Ranch just up the road from where I was living in Pinantan Lake, BC. They put out a call for German-speaking, blond-haired, blue-eyed women for a very small speaking part in the movie. I was rejected because I am taller than the actors!

Only two of you chose #1

Some of you chose it as one of the truths right off the bat!

Only two of you suggested number 1 was the lie.

Jim said: I don’t think Neil Young would go to Tim Horton’s, but …

and Smitty said: Both #2 and #3 sound daring whereas #1 sounds ordinary. I think (WAG!) you’re slipping us red herrings. We’re supposed to think either #2 or #3 isn’t something you would dare to do. But I think they’re exactly the sort of thing you’d dare to do, so I think Neal Young is the lie.

And Neil Young Is the LIE!

Thanks to all who tried to catch me in a lie and challenged me to catch them in a lie – it was fun!

Can You Catch Me In A Lie?

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body language, community, deceit, Diana Schwenk, Hump Day Chronicles, lies, Personality trait, team dynamics, teams, teamwork, Truth

I’ve always been very interested in personality tests. I think it’s because I love the idea of teams working together and if I understand what makes individuals tick, I can more easily figure out how to get a group of individuals to work together toward a common goal.

Just in case you’re curious, I’m an ENFP according to Myers Brigg, a Number 7 (generalist, visionary) according to Enneagram and Orange in the True Colors Personality test.

Anyway, you have no idea how excited I was when I had the opportunity several years ago to attend a Body Language workshop facilitated by an experienced police investigator!

In this workshop we learned, among other things, how to tell when someone is being deceitful. To practice what we had learned, we were divided into groups of 3 or 4 people and given time to come up with two truths and one lie about ourselves and then try to catch each other in the lie. I was amazingly good at it!

I know that you don’t have the benefit of watching my body language but I thought it would be fun to share two truths and one lie about myself here and see if you can spot the lie. And in turn, I would love if you shared two truths and a lie about yourself in the comment section so I can try to catch you in a lie.

OK, ready? Here goes!

1. I once saw Neil Young at a Tim Hortons.
2. I once did a standup comedy routine at Yuk Yuks.
3. I once auditioned for a small part in the movie Cadence.

So can you guess the lie?

Is it 1?

Is it 2?

Maybe it’s 3?

~ HUMP DAY CHRONICLES ~

So….

What are your two truths and one lie?

If You Want To Be A Leader

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Climb the mountain so you can see the world, not so the world can see you. ~ David McCullough

When you have the means to make it in this world, when the pieces fall together in such a way for you to get ahead, to gain influence and power, then it’s more vital than ever for you to do what is appropriate for the greater good.

And in such a position, it is also important to be a person of integrity, someone who has their personal affairs in order, someone who is a role model for justice and compassion.

Listen to what President Obama had to say when asked what questions he’d asked of presidential candidates.

~

To Whom Much is Given, Much is expected

A good leader, whether the leader of a nation, or the CEO of a company, or the team lead of a crew needs to climb the mountain, not to be seen, but so (s)he can see the people, understand their circumstances and lead effectively with their best interests in mind.

What can you do today for your family, your company, your neighbourhood, your city, your cause to make it better for everyone.

~ DIANA’S ENORMOUS BOOK OF QUOTES ~

Life Has A Way Of Showing Us

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He who kneels before God can stand before anyone.

Why do we struggle so to get up from our knees? Why do we resist vulnerability and humility so vehemently? What drives us to prove we are not ‘weak’. What are we so afraid of?

Why do we tell ourselves that we can plan it all out so that we’ll never have to face our fears?

That from this high and lofty place we’ve constructed, we can stand up to anything or anyone?

Life has a way of showing us that we are fooling no one but ourselves.

Life has a way of driving us down to our knees.

As counterintuitive as it seems and has hard as we may resist – it is on our knees when we are:

Broken.

Naked.

Vulnerable.

Humble.

Weak in our own eyes.

Facing and embracing the truth about ourselves.

That we are made strong,

that we learn to live, laugh and love 

and are able to stand up before anyone or anything.

~ DIANA’S ENORMOUS BOOK OF QUOTES ~

Upon the recent death of our Dad, my brother Michael said, “Dad taught so much and he is still quietly teaching us.”

Related post: The Glory of Life