Somebody Cares

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alone, caring, children, courage, daughters, family, Fear, growing up, kids, kindness, love, memories, only human, passion, shame, strong, vulnerability, weak

The other day, my beautiful daughter, Michaela, posted the letter below on her Facebook page.

If you are in your tweens/teens and feel alone, please know that you are not the first to feel like you don’t quite measure up. Things will probably get better and the things you’re learning now are making you stronger.

If you are the parent of a tween/teen remind them every day how much you love them and not just because they’re you’re kid and you have to, but because he or she is a beautiful person worthy of love.

Dear 12-year-old Michaela,

The first thing I want you to know is no matter how alone you feel right now, no matter how much you think nobody cares, your mom is your best friend and she gets you.

Being chubby is not the end of the world. I’m sorry that your peers seem to think it is. Fat does not equal ugly. Being mean and cruel is ugly. You are beautiful.

I know something really bad just happened to you. I know you’re scared. I know you are ashamed. Talk about it. Tell people. Talk to a counsellor. It’s not your fault. I promise you it’s not your fault.

I know you think you’ll never be one of the pretty girls. You are a pretty girl. Nobody needs to tell you. You have a beautiful heart, and soul and your outsides are beautiful too. Stop comparing yourself to them. You’re nothing like them.

Not everyone is going to like you, and that is so far beyond ok. It’s nothing you did. I know how hard you’re trying but sometimes people just don’t click. Michaela, let it go.
The sooner you learn to love yourself and that you are worthy of love, the happier you will be. It’s hard, it’s so so hard. But it’s coming.

Don’t feel ashamed for talking to a therapist. They are there to help you and everyone should. Shit gets hard, Michaela. You’re not weak, you’re human. Don’t be afraid to move. It’s not going to be perfect but so much good will come out of it, it doesn’t even matter.

Tell people you love them. It’s not lame. If you feel it, say it. It will change people and people will love you for it. Don’t ever be afraid to love.

Be proud of who you are, Michaela. You’re good enough. In fact, you’re so far beyond just enough. You are kind, and generous and sweet. You have so much love to give. Give it. It will come back in waves.

Never stop playing sports. I know there will be a time where it feels like you don’t even have time to breathe, but when you get that time back, get back to it.

On the same note, never stop doing what you love. Don’t let anyone’s darkness steal your passion. Your passion and joy is amazing. It isn’t lame. Screw anyone who says it is.

12-year-old me, I love you. I’m so sorry it’s so hard right now. I’m sorry you feel alone but people love you. You have no idea how good it’s going to get so please don’t be afraid. You are so beautiful. You are worthy. You are amazing. I love you, girl. It’s going to be ok.

Thank you Michaela for allowing me to share your beautiful letter on my blog. I hope it will help someone else to not feel so alone and hopeless.

Love you kiddo,

MOM ❤

~ HUMP DAY CHRONICLES ~

Vulnerability and Truth

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200 words, anger, believe, courage, Diana Schwenk, Diana's Enormous Book of Quotes, emotions, Fear, growing up, happy, health, integrity, kindness, life, love, peace, strong, Truth, weak, worry

“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.”

― Brené Brown

It’s scary to be vulnerable, isn’t it? It makes you feel weak, and even worse it makes you appear weak to others.

Suppose you don’t know what to do about a situation at work, if you ask for help, would it seem like you cannot do the job you were hired to do?

Suppose you are grieving the loss of someone close to you, or are worried about the circumstances a loved one has found themselves in, if you talk about it or cry, would it seem as though you are too emotional?

What if you’re afraid to go to the dentist, or a job interview, or know you need to admit you were wrong about something, if you hesitate or show any anxiety, would you look like a coward?

I grew up believing it did. Crying was weak. Smiling or laughing made you look foolish. The only acceptable emotion was anger, which somehow proved that you were strong.

It can take years to finally know that vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage.

~ DIANA’S ENORMOUS BOOK OF QUOTES ~

The Strength You Gave Me

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200 words, Diana Schwenk, Diana's Enormous Book of Quotes, family, growing up, lessons, life, Life's like that, living in the moment, Margot Schwenk, mistakes, Mom, Mother's Day, parents, Relationships, strength, strong, Stuff my parents used to say and do

Margot with Diana

The more a daughter knows the details of her mother’s life […] the stronger the daughter.

― Anita Diamant, The Red Tent

On Mother’s Day I think of you. Of all the things you gave me. All the things you taught me. All the ways you sacrificed so I could have a good childhood.

And I did mom. So much better than the life you had as a child. I know you sometimes recount all the mistakes you think you made with us. But don’t you know that you gave so much more than you could ever have dreamt for yourself when you were a child? Don’t you know that you broke the cycle of alcoholism and abuse allowing your children to never have to know that torment?

And your strength, even now. Even in this time when you face the harsh reality you never dreamed would happen alone, instead of the plans you had with dad for your golden years, even now I see that strength. That strength you taught me in deed and in word. The strength that I have inside me because of you.

Thanks for that Mom.

Happy Mother’s Day.

~ DIANA’S ENORMOUS BOOK OF QUOTES ~

My Name

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answers, Diana Schwenk, Diana's Enormous Book of Quotes, Fear, just ask, lessons, Lhasa, life, love, miracle, Purpose, questions, Relationships, safe, strong, waiting, weak

Why don’t you ask me

How long I’ve been waiting

Set down on the road

With the gunshots exploding

I’m waiting for you

In the gloom and the blazing

I’m waiting for you

I sing like a slave I know

I should know better

I’ve learned all my lessons

Right down to the letter

And still I go on like this

Year after year

Waiting for miracles

And shaking with fear 

Why don’t you answer

Why don’t you come save me

Show me how to use

All these things

That you gave me

Turn me inside out

So my bones can save me

Turn me inside out 

You’ve come this close

You can come even closer

The gunshots get louder

And the world spins faster

And things just get further

And further apart

The head from the hands

And the hands from the heart 

One thing that’s true

Is the way that I love him

The earth down below

And the sky up above him

And still I go on like this

Day after day

Still I go on like this 

Now I’ve said this

I already feel stronger

I can’t keep waiting for you

Any longer

I need you now

Not someday

When I’m ready

Come down on the road

Come down on the road 

My name, my name

Nothing is the same

I won’t go back

The way I came  

~ Lhasa De Sela

~ DIANA’S ENORMOUS BOOK OF QUOTES ~

When Someone Loves You…

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200 words, abuse of power, belong, compassion, courage, Diana Schwenk, family, Fear, feelings, freedom, gift, heart, Hump Day Chronicles, kindness, life, love, mindful, passion, strong, weak

When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth.

Billy – age 4

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤  Love  ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

Some say…

Love is a feeling dependent on current circumstances. Love is a made up human construct. Love is finicky. Love is possessing. Love hurts. Love doesn’t last. Love is a nice word for lust. Love must be earned. I’ll only love you if you love me. Love means you would take the blame for me. Love means I own you. Love makes you weak. Love is irrational.

Others say…

Love your neighbor as yourself. Love is a verb. Love is forever. Love is unconditional. Love is the answer to every question. Love is selfless. Love is letting go. Love is an act of your will. Love nourishes. Love wants the best for you. Love is patient. Love is kind. Love makes you strong. Love makes you feel like you belong.

I have heard so much about love and what it means to people. But never have I heard such an eloquent way to describe love as stated by 4-year old Billy in the above quote.

~ DIANA’S ENORMOUS BOOK OF QUOTES ~

What do you say?

The One in the Arena

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achievement, Act, courage, critic, daring, defeat, Diana's Enormous Book of Quotes, failure, Fear, life, pain, pride, Purpose, striving, strong, struggles, success, victory, weak, worthy cause

There are many men who feel a kind of twister pride in cynicism; there are many who confine themselves to criticism of the way others do what they themselves dare not even attempt. There is no more unhealthy being, no man less worthy of respect, than he who either really holds, or feigns to hold, an attitude of sneering disbelief toward all that is great and lofty, whether in achievement or in that noble effort which, even if it fails, comes to second achievement. A cynical habit of thought and speech, a readiness to criticize work which the critic himself never tries to perform, an intellectual aloofness which will not accept contact with life’s realities – all these are marks, not as the possessor would fain to think, of superiority but of weakness. They mark the men unfit to bear their part painfully in the stern strife of living, who seek, in the affection of contempt for the achievements of others, to hide from others and from themselves in their own weakness. The role is easy; there is none easier, save only the role of the man who sneers alike at both criticism and performance. “It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.

Teddy Roosevelt

~ DIANA’S ENORMOUS BOOK OF QUOTES ~

I’d Rather Feel Something

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caring, compassion, courage, Diana Schwenk, Fear, growth, happy, health, Hump Day Chronicles, joy, kindness, laughter, learning, life, Life's like that, living in the moment, love, pain, sorrow, strong

I’d rather feel pain than nothing at all. A phrase I’ve uttered many times over the years. A phrase that’s elicited just as many reactions.

Before you write me off completely as a wingnut, hear me out. It’s not that I want to feel pain, or sorrow for that matter, or fear, or abandonment, or rejection, or betrayal. It’s just that given a choice between any of them or nothing, I’d rather not feel nothing.

I have felt nothing on a handful of occasions; when I’ve given up, or I’m tired, or I just don’t care anymore. Nothing matters, whether I ever eat or sleep or shower again, whether I live or die.

Feeling nothing, being numb feels like being dead inside and that scares me more than anything else.

The sting of pain and sorrow and fear, etc., reminds me I’m alive and experience has shown me that it will pass and if I pay attention and embrace it, I will be stronger for it, I will learn to prioritize better, I will have more joy in my life, I will grow in compassion.

I loved this poem when I came across it today. I hope it speaks to you as well.

Love Sorrow

Love sorrow. She is yours now, and you must take care of what has been given. Brush her hair, help her into her little coat, hold her hand, especially when crossing a street. For, think,

what if you should lose her? Then you would be sorrow yourself; her drawn face, her sleeplessness would be yours. Take care, touch her forehead that she feel herself not so

utterly alone. And smile, that she does not altogether forget the world before the lesson. Have patience in abundance. And do not ever lie or ever leave her even for a moment

by herself, which is to say, possibly, again, abandoned. She is strange, mute, difficult, sometimes unmanageable but, remember, she is a child. And amazing things can happen. And you may see,

as the two of you go walking together in the morning light, how little by little she relaxes; she looks about her; she begins to grow.

Mary Oliver

~ HUMP DAY CHRONICLES ~

Life Has A Way Of Showing Us

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200 words, alone, believe, broken, community, courage, death, Diana Schwenk, Diana's Enormous Book of Quotes, family, Fear, grief, hope, humbled, learning, life, live, living in the moment, loss, love, memories, strong, struggles, Truth, vulnerability, weak

He who kneels before God can stand before anyone.

Why do we struggle so to get up from our knees? Why do we resist vulnerability and humility so vehemently? What drives us to prove we are not ‘weak’. What are we so afraid of?

Why do we tell ourselves that we can plan it all out so that we’ll never have to face our fears?

That from this high and lofty place we’ve constructed, we can stand up to anything or anyone?

Life has a way of showing us that we are fooling no one but ourselves.

Life has a way of driving us down to our knees.

As counterintuitive as it seems and has hard as we may resist – it is on our knees when we are:

Broken.

Naked.

Vulnerable.

Humble.

Weak in our own eyes.

Facing and embracing the truth about ourselves.

That we are made strong,

that we learn to live, laugh and love 

and are able to stand up before anyone or anything.

~ DIANA’S ENORMOUS BOOK OF QUOTES ~

Upon the recent death of our Dad, my brother Michael said, “Dad taught so much and he is still quietly teaching us.”

Related post: The Glory of Life

More than one night…

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200 words, alone, awakening, bigger purpose, courage, dawn, determined, Diana Schwenk, fall in line, idealism, morning, sleepless, strength, strong, tired

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and ask, “Where have I gone wrong?” Then a voice says to me, “This is going to take more than one night.” ~ Charles M. Shultz

What piece of the puzzle am I missing?

Why can’t I just do what is expected of me?

Why can’t I just fall in line?

I just can’t do it

It makes my stomach queasy

It feels…

…fake

There’s got to be more

a bigger purpose

Why can’t everyone see it?

Why hasn’t it dawned?

Why won’t it reveal itself?

There was a time when I didn’t mind standing alone…

a time when I felt STRONG

and determined to press on

for the greater good – the bigger purpose.

Now I’m just tired

awake in the night

and alone…and alone feels…

alone.

Yet I can’t let it go

can’t let it slip away

My strength will return… I know

it’s just going to take more than one night.

~

Wandering in the wilderness can be a good thing

It’s like the dark before the dawn

on the edge of awakening

~ DIANA’S ENORMOUS BOOK OF QUOTES ~

What awaits you in the morning?

What are you hoping for?

Unicorns and Marching Bands

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200 words, afraid, believe, brave, courage, Diana Schwenk, dreams, Fear, mission, Personality trait, Purpose, strong

Anything I’ve ever done that ultimately was worthwhile initially scared me to death ~ Betty Bender

A pep talk to ME and hopefully YOU

“C’mon!” says he

I am intrigued by personality tests and have filled out many over the years.

Some have struck a chord with me and others just seem way out there.

People have told me that I am courageous.

Truth is, I am often afraid but I am a dreamer and this often triumphs over my fears.

Following is an excerpt from one of the personality tests I’ve done.

It has often given me the courage to keep following my heart.

You are not afraid.

Even with headlines about war and mayhem and conniving and sinister people, you approach the world to embrace it, not to run from it.

Where other people anticipate danger in what may be lurking around the corner you expect to come across a unicorn or a marching band who will lead you to a mountain from which you’ll see things with brand new eyes.

I don’t know where I’d be without my dreams

~ DIANA’S ENORMOUS BOOK OF QUOTES ~

What one inate trait carries you through?