7 Things Dad would want you to know

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believe, caring, children, courage, Dad, death, Diana Schwenk, family, Fear, friends, generosity, grief, growing up, happy, health, Hump Day Chronicles, joy, kids, laughter, life, lifetime, living in the moment, loss, love, memories, Mom, parents, Relationships, sadness, stories, Stuff my parents used to say and do

This post has been sitting in my draft folder since December 2015, just a short month after Dad passed. It hasn’t felt right to publish it until now. ♡

*******

Dear Mom,

I’ve been thinking about you and Dad and our family.

In particular, I’ve been thinking about how Dad and I could just sit in the same room, not saying anything, yet somehow be on the same page. And I’ve been thinking about some of the conversations Dad and I have had over the years and I think there are at least seven things that Dad would want you to know.

I’ve listed them below in the form of a letter to you from Dad.

Meine Liebe Salat Schnecke,

1.       Don’t ever doubt how much I loved you

Remember our Wedding night? It wasn’t a fancy party. We did the best we could though and we had fun right? I can still see you running through the street singing in the middle of the night when you’d had a little too much to drink.

What the neighbours must have thought!

But I didn’t care, you seemed happy and honestly Margot, I may not have been able to express myself well, but that’s what I wanted for you. I always wanted you to be happy.

I knew how hard your life had been, I wanted to show you how good it could be.

Remember when we arrived in Canada and once we got on our feet a bit? You have no idea how happy it made me to see you eat butter, eat at a restaurant, eat fruit and cakes and whatever you could get your hands on. Remember that time I brought a dozen lemon donuts home when you were pregnant and you ate 11 of them? I didn’t mind that there was only one donut left for me.

It made me smile to watch you eat all the foods you missed in your childhood.

2.       Building our family

I know you were scared and so determined that our children would never be harmed like you had been. I was shocked that time you would even think I might hurt them but I grew to understand where this fear came from. I loved our kids – I would have done anything for them, and I think I was able to convince you of that with time, right?

No regrets Margot.  Don’t ever underestimate the value of what we were able to give our kids. Sure we weren’t perfect parents, we made mistakes along the way, but we did everything to the best of our ability for them and I think they turned out pretty good, don’t you?

3.       Our 50^th anniversary

Mom and Dad’s 50th Anniversary

Wasn’t that a fun party, Margot? I was so excited to celebrate with you. You looked so beautiful in that blue dress, I was so proud beside you in my new suit. And look how many friends came to celebrate with us!

And our trip to Germany! Yes Canada was our home now, but how wonderful it was to go to the place where we met and married to celebrate our 50^th.

4.       You were a real handful sometimes

A fighter. A hard worker. You had fire in your eyes!

Yeah there were times I wished you would just calm down, relax a little. Just let go of stuff, but maybe it was your pushing that got us as far as we got. And even when you were angry, I knew it was because you were afraid that things wouldn’t work out – those ghosts from the past were haunting you. I knew that you were fighting for the very best.

And you know what? I think I may have originally been drawn to that about you. You have spunk!

I mean who else would have moved to a new country, not knowing the language to start a new life with me? I chose well. You were the right partner for me.

You worked just as hard as me. Remember our job at that summer camp? Picking apples?  Making hats? And all the other jobs we had until I got that job at Kraft Foods and we bought our first home? And even then you cleaned houses to help out with the expenses. Yes we worked hard for what we built.

5.       Regrets

Maybe I could have been more supportive at times. Like when you were seasick on our voyage to Canada or when you broke your ankle. Maybe I could have told you more how much I appreciated you. I just never was one for words. But make no mistake; I was grateful and I really cared about you, even if I wasn’t very good at saying it.

6.       The last few years

I know how hard it was for you to watch me on the couch in pain. It was hard for me too. I wanted to be healed. And sometimes you made me angry when you pushed so hard for me to get up or exercise. But when I would think about it, I knew you were scared. I knew you meant well.

But the hardest thing, Margot was to see what my poor health was doing to you. You were so brave. That’s why I tried so hard to be brave too. That’s why I tried not to complain even when I couldn’t drive the car anymore. You did everything. I really wish I could have helped around the house more. I was so sure I would get better and things would go back to normal. But I didn’t. I’m so sorry things didn’t work out the way we had hoped. If I had known that I wouldn’t get better, perhaps we could have made arrangements that would have made the last years easier for both of us.

7.       Now that I’m gone

Our last few years together were hard, and I am so thankful for all you did for me. I know you’re sad and that you must grieve – after all we spent 56 years together, one doesn’t get over that quickly. But don’t just remember the last years. Remember the fun times. The family vacations. The German Club New Year’s dances. When I taught you how to drive. Those nights we walked around the block when the kids were in bed.

And don’t grieve too long. There is so much more for you to experience. Spend time with our kids, our grandkids, our wonderful friends. Get back out there doing the stuff you love to do. Simplify your life. Laugh, live and love. Life is far too precious to do otherwise. Grab onto life with both hands and enjoy it as much as you can. And know that when your time comes, I’ll be here, waiting for you.

Dein Mann, Heinz

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Humility, Gratitude and Service

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community, compassion, courage, Diana Schwenk, Gratitude, growing up, happy, humanity, humility, Hump Day Chronicles, integrity, joy, kindness, laughter, life, living in the moment, love, Purpose, Relationships, service

I had the privilege of interviewing someone yesterday. Someone whose childhood was marked by abandonment, abuse and neglect. Someone who coped by making bad choices as a result.

His story was heartbreaking and made me question…

No, it made me wrestle with the whys. Why do people treat other people so horribly? And not just other adults, but children. Children who need a better foundational start at life.

But to be honest, that’s not the part of his story that stuck with me.

What stood out was his gratefulness. For every time someone showed him kindness. Every time someone reached out to help him. Went out of their way to give him hope. Saw him, loved him for who he was, took action to make a difference in his life — and did it all without judging him.

His story reminded me of all the people in my life who were pivotal, who were catalysts in changing my life for the better. Most did not even know to what extent they impacted me, inspired me, motivated me to find purpose in my life by serving others.

His story reminded me how important it is to reach out and help others just because I’ve been helped. To pay it forward, to never forget where I came from, to stay humble and grateful.

It’s what brings out the best in humanity. Don’t you think?

~ HUMP DAY CHRONICLES ~

My Genetic Health Overview and Traits

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23 and me, Diana Schwenk, DNA, genetic, health, Hump Day Chronicles, risk, traits

Last week I shared my ancestry with you here. This week, as promised, I am sharing some of the results of my health.

23 and me stresses “that It’s important to note that these reports show your results for specific genetic variants that are associated with a higher risk for developing certain health conditions. However, these reports cannot tell you whether you definitely will, or will not, develop the condition. Note that there are other genetic variants linked to these conditions that are not covered by these reports. Environmental and lifestyle factors can also contribute to these conditions.”

So without further ado, let’s get to it!

Genetic Risk Factors

Celiac Disease

This report covers a genetic risk factor called HLA-DQ2.5 that is found in over 90% of people with celiac disease. Since only about three percent of people with this risk factor develop celiac disease, having this factor does not necessarily mean you will develop the condition. Similarly, you can still develop celiac disease even if you don’t have this risk factor. Additional genetic risk factors may also influence a person’s risk for celiac disease, but are not reported here.

So it seems I have higher odds of developing Celiac Disease, but so far so good. The good news is that I do not have the mutations that would give me a higher risk of developing Alzheimer’s or Breast or Ovarian Cancer. Having said that, it doesn’t mean I wouldn’t get those diseases at some point, I just don’t have a higher than typical risk in my genetic makeup.

Inherited Conditions

MCAD Deficiency

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MCAD deficiency is inherited recessively, so individuals must receive an ACADM mutation from each parent to be affected with the disease. Many mutations in the ACADM gene have been identified. 23andMe reports on five mutations, one of which accounts for about 70 percent of mutations found in affected individuals. For people with the disease, certain environmental triggers—including common diseases that increase the body’s energy requirements or decrease appetite—can bring on acute episodes. Keep in mind that it is possible to have another mutation that causes this condition that is not included in this report.

This doesn’t seem to be a high risk for me either. However, if Michaela’s dad has an ACADM mutation in a gene, it could be a higher risk for Michaela.

Traits

Here is a quick glimpse of some of my traits

I do have blond hair even though it indicates only a 53% chance and I’m thrilled to discover that my earwax type is wet – whatever that means! Some of these reports weren’t exactly right but as with the hair colour, they are stated in percentages and with eye colour, for instance, the report says that if my eyes are not brown, they are more likely to be blue than green and they are indeed blue!

I also learned that I probably drink more coffee than most, which I do and also that I metabolize caffeine quicker than others. I am probably not lactose intolerant as is typical with most Europeans, which is also true of me. And I have no resistance to Malaria – good to know!

What I found really fascinating was this Alcohol Flush Reaction report.

Alcohol Flush Reaction

Sensitivity to alcohol— the alcohol flush reaction—depends almost entirely on a person’s genotype at two genes, ALDH2 and ADH1B. 23andMe currently reports your genotype at a SNP in ALDH2. It is possible that those with the AG or GG genotypes at the SNP are more sensitive to alcohol due to their genotype at ADH1B (which 23andMe does not report).

If I read the entire report correctly, the lower your flush reaction, the higher the chance of alcohol dependency is. Interesting to note is that on both sides of my family, relatives did struggle with alcoholism.

When I got my health results, I had to confirm that I actually wanted to read them by clicking a box giving 23 and me permission to share them with me. And then I had to choose to unlock the results that addressed Alzheimer’s and Breast and Ovarian Cancer. I guess some folks would rather not know.

Although my genetic health overview and traits are somewhat interesting to me, I have to admit that I’m way more interested in my ancestry and potentially learning about relatives I did not know I have.

~ HUMP DAY CHRONICLES ~

If you sent away for your DNA results, would you want to read your health and traits results?

Related Articles Ha! I AM a Viking! and A Journey Back In Time

Ha! I AM a Viking!

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23 and me, ancestors, Balkans, British, Diana Schwenk, DNA, family, French, German, haplogroups, Hump Day Chronicles, Irish, Jewish, neanderthal, Relationships, roots, science

I told you!

Well I’m 6.1% Scandinavian and that’s where Vikings come from right? I was somewhat expecting this as my paternal grandmother’s family came from Sweden.

As you’ve probably guessed, my DNA results are in!!

There were a few surprises. For instance, I’m only 14.9% German. Well French and German to be exact. I guess I had assumed I would have a larger percentage of German Ancestry because both my parents were born in Berlin, and as far as I know, their parents were born in Germany. When I think about it though, there had to be a lot of interbreeding in Europe, even in the last 1000 years with constant border changes because of wars and such.

Just a few months ago I had told my daughter that I’d read an article that said all blue-eyed people could be traced back to one individual who lived by the Black Sea between Eastern Europe and Western Asia.  And she told me that because I have freckles, I probably have some Irish ancestry.  I dismissed the Irish thing; I mean why would I have Irish roots?

Well surprise! I’m 8.6% British and Irish!

Most fascinating to me was that I am 1.8% Ashkenazi Jewish. In the preceding link, Wikipedia states that among many other interesting facts: The name Ashkenazi derives from the biblical figure of Ashkenaz, the first son of Gomer, son of Khaphet, son of Noah, and a Japhetic patriarch in the Table of Nations (Genesis 10).

I’m also 3% Neanderthal!

Neanderthals were a group of humans who lived in Europe and Western Asia. They are the closest evolutionary relatives of modern humans, but they went extinct about 40,000 years ago. The first Neanderthals arrived in Europe about 200,000 years ago. Neanderthals – Homo Neanderthalensis and modern humans – Homo sapiens – lived alongside each other for thousands of years. Genetic evidence suggests that they interbred and although Neanderthals disappeared about 40,000 years ago, traces of the DNA – between 1 percent and 4 percent – are found in all modern humans outside of Africa.

I remember watching a documentary once that suggested Neanderthals carried certain immunities to diseases in Europe that modern humans lacked. Interbreeding played a huge role in ensuring the continuation of modern humans in Europe.

DNA Relatives

My top relative Surnames (of people who have also had their DNA tested) are Cohen, Kaplan, Goldberg, Friedman and Katz. I’m just going to go ahead and assume I’m distantly related to Leonard Cohen, because I adore him!

My Maternal Haplogroup

According to 23 and me, I have ancestry in Europe/the Near East in the past few hundred years, that traces back to eastern Africa around 50,000 years ago along my mother’s line.

My daughter, me, my mother, her mother and so on belong to the Haplogroup U5a1B1. The U5 Haplogroup is found in approximately 9% of Europeans.

The U5a1 group originated in Europe during the Ice Age about 20,000 years ago. At the time people were confined to small refuges in the southern part of the continent. When the glaciers began receding about 15,000 years ago people began migrating northward, carrying U5a1 and other haplogroups with them. Today U5a1 is most commonly found in places such as Norway and northern Germany. Other members of the U5a1 haplogroup moved south into the Near East, perhaps in search of a warmer, more hospitable climate than the dry, glaciated tundra of Ice Age Europe. Today their maternal descendants can be found at low levels (less than 2%) in Turkey, Iran and Syria.

This is all very fascinating to me. 23 and Me shares the profiles of people, who have given their permission and are DNA relatives of mine, with me.

I’m still working my way through all the results of my DNA, and perhaps when I understand it a bit better, I may reach out to some of my 3rd to 6th cousins who live in the locations stated to the left!

In my next post I will share a bit about my health overview (traits, genetic risk factors, and inherited conditions).

~ HUMP DAY CHRONICLES ~

Have you ever thought about submitting your DNA to find out your ancestry or to look for lost relatives? If not, have I tempted you to do so with this post?

Related article: A Journey Back in Time

The Slippers

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children, Dad, Diana Schwenk, family, grief, growing up, Hump Day Chronicles, life, Life's like that, loss, love, memories, parents, Relationships, Stuff my parents used to say and do

 

I have an old, ugly pair of slippers from Wal-Mart.  They make a click-clack noise. The same kind of click-clack noise Dad’s favourite slippers used to make when he walked across the kitchen floor.

*******

Winter 2012

Michaela and I went back east to spend Christmas with family. Dad was wearing those slippers and click-clacking across the floor. The noise drove Mom crazy. The next time Dad reached for those slippers after a trip into Hawkesbury, they were gone.

In the garbage.

Mom had had enough.

So me and Michaela went to the Fairview Shopping Centre in Pointe Claire and found a pair of slippers for Dad at Old Navy. We’d intentionally picked silent slippers to avoid that click-clacking sound. We couldn’t wait to give them to Dad for Christmas. On Christmas Eve we handed the wrapped slippers to him. He opened the package and angrily tossed the slippers to the side. 

“I hate them.”

They weren’t his well-worn favourite slippers and they weren’t the kind you could just slip on either. You had to bend down and stick your finger in the back to get them on.

*******

How I wish you were still with us Dad, so we could get you the perfect slippers.

The kind you wouldn’t have to struggle to get on.

The kind you could just slip your feet into.

The kind that would click-clack across the kitchen floor and drive Mom crazy and cause that smile of defiant satisfaction to tug at the corners of your mouth…

~ HUMP DAY CHRONICLES ~

Bad Roads, Easter Visit And Beauty Makeovers

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Alberta, children, daughter, Diana Schwenk, Easter, family, friends, Hump Day Chronicles, laughter, Life's like that, living in the moment, love, Makeover, makeup, Michaela, Michaela's Beauty Warriors, Relationships, Rosalind, Spring

This past weekend, my daughter and I thought it a fine idea to spend Easter together at hers and her boyfriend, Werner’s place in Rosalind, Alberta.

The morning I was to drive out there, we talked on the phone about how bad the secondary roads were due to snow and we decided to meet in Camrose for dinner and then drive to the farm together afterward, in case my car got stuck.

Well as luck would have it, the roads were not as bad as we thought they would be and I arrived earlier than anticipated, too early for dinner, so we met at the Paint Pottery where I painted a mug, Werner painted an elephant and Michaela painted two plates. I can’t wait to see the finished products after they’re glazed and baked!

After dinner we headed out to the farm and parked my car about a kilometer away from the house at the old school because the muddy gravel road that leads to the farm-house would surely have swallowed up my little Toyota Tercel.

It was a wonderful weekend that included a stunning makeover for me by Michaela, a not-so-stunning, but fun as heck, makeover for Michaela by me and Werner, and a wonderful Easter meal shared by me, Michaela, Werner and his parents Claudia and Manfred.

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Michaela and Werner, thank you so much for hosting me this Easter, it was so good to see you again!

~ HUMP DAY CHRONICLES ~

For more Easter fun, check out me and Werner doing Michaela’s makeover on the link below!

https://www.facebook.com/plugins/video.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2F100010097341891%2Fvideos%2F442868522726389%2F&show_text=0&width=560

And, oh if you like makeup, you might want to head over here https://www.facebook.com/groups/1295392280541774/ and check out Michaela’s Beauty Warriors page. She really knows her stuff!

Calgary is A Different City Than it Was…Or is it?

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Alberta, Calgary, caring, community, compassion, courage, Diana Schwenk, growing up, Hump Day Chronicles, integrity, kindness, life, Life's like that, neighbours, peace, Relationships

4th Street SW, Calgary AB – January 28, 2017

Cyclists took advantage of the new cycle track on 12 Ave. SW

A few months back I read that Calgary surpassed Ottawa in population and became Canada’s third largest city with a population of 1.4 million people.

It’s hard to believe that when I first moved to Calgary in 1990, its population was 625,000. It was a different city then. People said hello, people who you’d never met actually said hello to you on the street, in the parks, in the malls. It seemed a friendlier place back then. There was a real sense of community – it was a city with a village feel and I felt safe, even in the wee hours of the night.

Calgary has grown quite a bit since then, having more than doubled its population. And it feels different, it feels colder somehow. People don’t say hello like they used to. They seem more caught up with their electronics; cell phones glued to the sides of their faces or held out up front while chasing down Pokémon, earbuds embedded deep into their heads while they blow by you, barely noticing you on the street, in the parks, in the malls.

People just seem to care less…

at least that’s the impression I had up until early Saturday morning when I got a call from my landlord. It turned out that my neighbor across the hall interrupted a would-be thief while he was breaking into my car. Ron, my neighbor chased him off in the early hours of the morning and called the police.

Now I’m no stranger to having my car broken into.

I mean one comes to even expect it at some level when living in a big city. Over the years and after several break-ins, I have learned not to leave anything valuable in my car, so aside from having had to put all my highway emergency items that had been strewn around the trunk of my car back into the kit, and having to clean up my car manual, a few odd cassette tapes and my vehicle upkeep and maintenance papers from the seat and floor on the passenger side of my car and put them back into my glove box, I came away from this event virtually unscathed.

No, a car break-in doesn’t really cause a ripple in my world.

What really stands out to me is that Ron, the man who lives across the hall in my apartment building, was awoken when he heard clanging and banging from his bedroom window and went out into the parking lot to investigate. And this same man, Ron had the courage and took the time to protect my property – if that isn’t a good neighbor, I don’t know what is.

Maybe Calgary really isn’t all that different from back then after all.

~ HUMP DAY CHRONICLES ~

Thanks Ron, for reminding me that there are still good people in this world, people who care about other people, even in big cities.

 

A Journey Back In Time

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23 and me, Alberta, ancestors, Calgary, Canada, Diana Schwenk, DNA, family, Germany, growing up, History, Hump Day Chronicles, life, physical traits, Relationships, Vikings

Do you ever wonder where your physical traits come from? I sure do.

I mean I can look at my parents and see where my blue eyes come from and whose teeth I have and so on, but I’ve always wondered about my weird-looking chubby knees that seem to be prevalent on my mom’s side of the family.

‘Unique knees,’ an old boyfriend tactfully called them once.

“They look like they bend backwards when you’re standing, like you’re double-jointed,” my friend Helga once said.

Outside of mom’s family, I have never seen anyone with legs like mine. Well once I did. I was in the Dominican Republic with Mom and there was a family there; a mom and dad with two teenagers and they ALL had legs like mine! They were from Norway or Finland or Iceland or something.

They were tall, blond, blue-eyed and looked like Vikings! But it was their legs that caught my attention!

Look Mom! They have legs like us!

Are they the descendants of Vikings, I wondered? Am I a descendant of Vikings? It would sure explain a lot about parts of my personality!

I know my grandmother’s family came from Sweden, so maybe, right? Anyway, I got it in my head that I’m a Viking ever since I saw that family in the DR.

So I finally broke down and ordered a DNA kit from 23 and me.

What’s your best guess on my ethnicity?

I can’t wait to find out if I’m a Viking or not.

And I will keep you posted!

~ HUMP DAY CHRONICLES ~

Have you ever sent away for a DNA kit? Do you know where your ancestors came from? If so, let me know in the comment section!

Related article

When Someone Loves You…

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200 words, abuse of power, belong, compassion, courage, Diana Schwenk, family, Fear, feelings, freedom, gift, heart, Hump Day Chronicles, kindness, life, love, mindful, passion, strong, weak

When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth.

Billy – age 4

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤  Love  ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

Some say…

Love is a feeling dependent on current circumstances. Love is a made up human construct. Love is finicky. Love is possessing. Love hurts. Love doesn’t last. Love is a nice word for lust. Love must be earned. I’ll only love you if you love me. Love means you would take the blame for me. Love means I own you. Love makes you weak. Love is irrational.

Others say…

Love your neighbor as yourself. Love is a verb. Love is forever. Love is unconditional. Love is the answer to every question. Love is selfless. Love is letting go. Love is an act of your will. Love nourishes. Love wants the best for you. Love is patient. Love is kind. Love makes you strong. Love makes you feel like you belong.

I have heard so much about love and what it means to people. But never have I heard such an eloquent way to describe love as stated by 4-year old Billy in the above quote.

~ DIANA’S ENORMOUS BOOK OF QUOTES ~

What do you say?

The Ring With The Blue Stone

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children, Dad, death, Diana Schwenk, family, foundation, gift, good character, grief, growing up, History, Hump Day Chronicles, lessons, life, Life's like that, love, memories, Mom, parenting, safe, Stuff my parents used to say and do, values

My parents in 1960 and the ring with the blue stone

When you want to build something, you start with a good foundation. When you want to understand something, you start with the fundamental pillars of the subject. In other words, you learn the history, the mechanics of it, the whys and whats and wheres.

In the same way,  when you feel lost, it helps to go back to where you began so you can remember where you came from, what you have learned about this business of living, what you truly long for in life, and how you can get it and how you can share your gifts with the world. Sometimes you grab onto a symbol of the past and carry it with you like a talisman that you can look at, or touch when you need to be grounded.

Since Dad passed away, I’ve been in kind of a fog. I got the basics covered, you know…  I wake up, brush my teeth, shower, dress, exercise, go to work, eat, go to bed and start it all over again the next day. 

But I’ve lost a bit of my oomph.

A bit of my zest for life.

Dad was always my rock.

He had this way of making me feel secure and letting me know that he was there for me, no matter what.

My Plan B, if Plan A should fail.

Although I rarely resorted to Plan B, I knew I could if I had to, I knew it was there if I needed it.  

This past New Year’s Eve, as I was deciding which piece of jewelry to wear for an event I was attending, I came across the ring with the blue stone. The ring that cost forty dollars in 1960 and took Dad several weeks of saving so he could buy it for Mom to celebrate their first anniversary.

Dad was so upset when Mom gave me that ring almost thirty years later. But I’m so glad she did, so I could find it on the last day of 2016 and slip it on my finger. And with the wearing of it, remember the values he taught me and the traits he exemplified; like a good work ethic, empathy, diplomacy, loyalty and strength of character.  

What a gift!

What a great foundation from which to find my way again!

~ HUMP DAY CHRONICLES ~