Getting Old Sucks

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aging, believe, community, compassion, courage, dementia, Diana Schwenk, Diana's Enormous Book of Quotes, family, Fear, getting old, grief, growing up, happy, health, laughter, life, loss, parents, Purpose, Relationships, Stuff my parents used to say and do

You Ain’t Nothing But A Groundhog?

Margot Schwenk, November 2017

“What is the name of that singer I really liked?” mom asked me, sitting across the booth from me at her ‘second home’ at Vieux Chateau in Hawkesbury, ON. “You know, the guy who sang, ‘You ain’t nothing but a groundhog?’“

How interesting that mom would ask that question, with the mistaken groundhog instead of the actual hound-dog from the song she so loved by Elvis Presley, since my brother and I had recently discussed how life with mom is sort of like the movie Groundhog Day.

Two years ago, mine and Mike’s dad, and mom’s husband of 56 years passed away. Mom hasn’t been the same since. How can someone go on when their husband, whom they have spent more than half their life with, is suddenly gone.

It hasn’t been easy for mom, or for us kids who are witnesses to the profound sadness that saturates mom’s reality. And just recently mom has also had to give up driving and leave the home that she and dad built together to move into a retirement home.

Getting old sucks!

We try to tell ourselves otherwise to make ourselves feel better, but it’s a shit show of giving up independence and autonomy. Sure, one can still find joy in moments and be grateful for what remains, but as in the case of mom, that takes a great deal of re-focusing and determination.

You see, mom isn’t who she once was. She has become very forgetful and displays signs of dementia, and she knows it. Imagine if half your brain was breaking down, and the other half was fully aware of it. It can’t be easy for her. And she is different. She’s not the mom we knew. But the new Margot is beautiful. She’s compassionate. She is concerned about the future of, and misses, her family immensely.

During my one-week visit, I watched mom reach out to others who are struggling, doling out hugs, taking the arm of a woman who has pain when she walks. Mom is fierce in her efforts to help and protect others, because she knows firsthand what it means to feel helpless. She is beautifully compassionate when she hugs and cries with those who are hurting. And although she doesn’t feel it, she is brave, emotionally connected and a light in the darkness.

It’s not been easy for us, her kids, because we are heartbroken with the cards that life has dealt mom. We feel guilty because we can’t spend as much time as we would like with her. And yet, we are so proud of her and so in awe of her ability to FEEL the moment and experience it in the moment.

I don’t mind so much when she cries, because that is RAW honesty, and it passes. She feels it. Accepts it. And moves on. I guess the hardest part is when she panics, when she feels that she screwed up in someway, when the chaotic thoughts in her head send her into a tailspin. Thankfully, these episodes seem to be less, now that she gets her medication dispensed by a nurse at the correct times.

Don’t misread me. It’s not all gloom and doom. Mom’s only been in her new home for a month. She needs time to mourn what’s she’s lost, and grow accustomed to her new surroundings. We do have high hopes of a meaningful quality of life experience for her moving forward. We look forward to a possible trip with the whole family to Germany, mom’s homeland, and we look forward to a June wedding between my daughter and her fiancé.

But I don’t think we are fully off the hook. Individually, and as a society, we need to take a long, hard look at how we treat the elderly. How do we make sure that there is still “life” in their lives? How do we create an environment where joy can exist? How do we move away from ‘doing everything’ for them to ‘helping them find their new purpose?’ How do we move away from the warehousing of elderly people, to an integrated model of all society that includes children and all ages? And how do we keep the conversation going until we find it?

Getting old sucks, but it doesn’t have to…

Check out the amazing results that happened after this cool 6 week experiment.

~ DIANA’S ENORMOUS BOOK OF QUOTES ~

Mom lives at Place Mont Roc now; a wonderful place, run by wonderful people, helping wonderful people. Their kindness is amazing and it’s a great foundation on which to build what we can further do to respect and keep the dignity of our seniors; our moms and dads.

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Obstacles

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bigger purpose, community, compassion, Diana Schwenk, Diana's Enormous Book of Quotes, encouragement, Fear, greater good, humanity, joy, kindness, life, Life's like that, loss, love, making a difference, mission, perserverance, Purpose, Relationships, sorrow, trust, vision, world issues

Obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off the goal.

– Vince Lombardi

Two things that stand out to me, when Dad taught me to drive are, don’t let the guy behind you pressure you. Don’t drive faster for him. Drive the speed you feel comfortable with. And, Look where you want to go. Look as far up the road as is visually possible. Don’t look at the sharp corner you’re on. You saw that a while back, you knew it was coming, you’ll get through it.

Sometimes while in the curves life throws at us, we feel the pressures of life pushing us to do something we’re not comfortable with. We can’t take our eyes off the current situation. We’re looking for a quick fix. It is then when we must fight the urge to focus on the trouble we’re in and keep our eyes on where we’re headed.

~ DIANA’S ENORMOUS BOOK OF QUOTES ~

Perspective: Maybe God is taking you through troubled waters because your enemy can’t swim.

The Mess

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200 words, caring, community, courage, Diana Schwenk, Diana's Enormous Book of Quotes, Fear, growing up, idealism, integrity, Life's like that, love, next generation, Purpose, world issues

Every generation imagines itself to be more intelligent than the one that went before it, and wiser than the one that comes after it.

 — George Orwell

Hear about that car accident? Yeah, probably a teenager on drugs. They’re all on drugs you know? They have no idea of the worth of a dollar. They’re lazy. They don’t care what they look like – no respect for anybody. LOVE LOVE LOVE – yeah right, loose morals if you ask me!

Sound familiar? Not so different from words I hear today about the next generation.

But we were the generation that wanted to see the end of war, that wanted to feed the world, that wanted to give peace a chance, that felt we were handed a mess. We were idealists.

And then something happened. We grew up. We had families. We got tired. We looked out for #1. We wanted to make sure our children would be looked after in our little corner of the world. We put blinders on. We forgot about the grander picture. And the next generation says we left them a mess. They are idealists.

Well maybe they won’t forget. Maybe they won’t grow tired.

~ DIANA’S ENORMOUS BOOK OF QUOTES ~

#RideForRefuge Well I Did It…Kinda

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Alberta, Calgary, community, compassion, Diana Schwenk, Fundraising, generosity, Gratitude, Hump Day Chronicles, laughter, Life's like that, living in the moment, Oxford House, passion, Purpose, recovery, Relationships, Ride for Refuge, thank you, world issues

Post registration, pre-ride photo.

WE HAD ANTICIPATED WARMER WEATHER, 19c/67f degrees to be exact, but in Calgary, it is hard to predict weather beyond 48 hours. On ride day, it seemed nice enough outside early in the morning, but it got quite windy and cold after the riders were sent out. And I swear, that no matter what direction the route took, the wind was blowing cold and full blast, into my face. Coupled with that, having gained at least 15 pounds since last year’s ride, I ended up having to dismount, a couple of times, part way up hills, and walk them.

I can laugh about it today, but another thing I did on ride day, was miss the 10km turn off, so I unwittingly rode about 5km more than I signed up for,(probably a good thing, seeing as I have gained weight), but I took two others with me! So you’d have to ask Earl and Kellie how they felt about me misleading them – sorry guys!

None of that is important when compared to the benefit that resulted through the compassionate efforts of the riders, walkers, donors and volunteers, who all played a role in raising over $20,000 for Oxford House. Practically speaking, this means that eight men or women in recovery, will have a home, and support in their recovery, for an entire year!

I personally want to thank those 20 people who supported my ride – together we raised $1,335! Also, I want to thank the 12 people who joined my team  who along with you, fundraised $5,460 in total for Oxford House.

My team, the Riders for Recovery

(L-R) Diana, Earl, Kellie, Tracey, Trish, Dean, Michael, Leanne, Ava and Pat. And missing from this photo are: Jaidyn, Ziyan, Karim and Donald

Who says you can’t goof around and work hard at the same time?

~ HUMP DAY CHRONICLES ~

 

Say What You Will About Millennials, But…

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Alberta, Calgary, Canada, community, Diana Schwenk, generosity, Homelessness, Hump Day Chronicles, living in the moment, millennials

…on Sunday, I hopped on my bike, knowing that there aren’t that many bike-riding days left until winter hits Calgary, Alberta, Canada.

I planned to do my usual ride to St. Patrick Island, but first I wanted to stop at the alley between 4th and 5th Street.

You see, there’s been construction on 17th Avenue, and I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t cursed about a lot in the last year. But I was intrigued when I heard they were closing the alley to cars and opening it up to foot traffic so that local businesses could create a space in the alley.

A bar set up a grassy area and picnic tables, the pet food place set up booth and an apartment building laid down turf and set up lawn bowling and other games.

The City of Calgary also had an information tent and that’s where I met Kate. Say what you will about Millennials, but I love them! They’re bright, creative and love to build community.

The alley idea is a pilot project, Kate explained. To see if it would work to open up alleys in other blocks as 17th Avenue construction works its way to 14th Street over the next three years.

We got talking about other cool projects like the Red Boardwalk Project on Rue St. Denis in Montreal and the Skyline Park in NYC. And we talked about ways to build community; community that would even welcome homeless people! I asked her if she was afraid of, or uncomfortable around homeless people and she said it depended on the person. But, she had “a very cool story to tell me, something that happened just last night!”

Kate is an urbanite, and like most neighbourhoods in the core, her backyard borders an alley. And over time, she met “Tom.” Tom is homeless and collects recyclables from the alley behind Kate’s home. Kate and Tom chat a lot and she saves her bottles and cans for him.

Well the night before, Tom surprised her with a gift. There’s a street artist named Raven who paints native art and Tom chose, and bought a piece from him for Kate.

I felt my eyes moisten as Kate told me the story, and you can say what you want about Millennials, but I just love them.

On my way to the alley, I heard the thunder of motorcycles. Turns out “The Distinguished Gentlemen” were riding for men’s health.

The alley pilot project

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~ HUMP DAY CHRONICLES ~

Kindness and Friendship

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200 words, being right, community, compassion, courage, Diana Schwenk, Diana's Enormous Book of Quotes, Fear, generosity, growing up, integrity, joy, kindness, Life's like that, living in the moment, love, Relationships, sacrifice

Sprinkle joy.

– Ralph Waldo Emerson

The act of spreading joy does not often come from a place of my own joy. In fact, every time I can recall my own joy, it’s been a deeply personal experience, felt by an audience of one – me.

The wondrous privilege of witnessing nature; a dragonfly landing on me with wings glistening in the sunlight when I was a child in Chateauguay, a hawk calling while soaring across a central BC sky, a spider’s web sparkling in the pre-dawn light of a full moon in Brown County Indiana, the lull of the ocean’s waves crashing against the shore and receding, crashing against the shore and receding in the Dominican Republic, and more profoundly moving of late in Calgary, dogs approaching me with the same trust and love they used to approach dad with.

My joy comes while living in the moment and is deeply personal.

Spreading joy often comes from a place of brokenness; cycles of dysfunction in relationships or, stubborn ways of thinking or being, when I finally reach out with forgiveness, when I decide to break the cycle to relieve someone else’s pain through kindness and friendship.

~ DIANA’S ENORMOUS BOOK OF QUOTES ~

You Have More In Common With The World Than You Think

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200 words, common ground, community, connecting, Diana Schwenk, Diana's Enormous Book of Quotes, differences, DNA, doing the right thing, family, Fear, in common, justice, life, love, Relationships, talents, vulnerability

We are like islands in the sea, separate on the surface but connected in the deep.

William James (1842-1910)

The things that make people interesting are their unique talents. Like someone whose guitar playing moves us, or someone whose storytelling captivates us, whose art transports us, whose passion inspires us to change the course we’re on.

Sadly some things that make us different also divide us, like the colour of our skin, our level of education, our societal status, our culture, our belief system. Different takes us out of our comfort zone, makes us feel vulnerable. The unknown is frightening.

So we vilify those who aren’t like us. ‘They’ are less civilized, less intelligent than us. We create rules and laws that hurt them. We find ways to protect ourselves from them while overlooking the injustices we impose upon them.

The above quote is a good metaphor to clearly illustrate how we are all connected. What will it take for us to remember that although we are separate on the surface, we are very connected in the deep?

~ DIANA’S ENORMOUS BOOK OF QUOTES

I am so moved when the woman in the video learns she has a cousin in the room…

 

Humility, Gratitude and Service

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community, compassion, courage, Diana Schwenk, Gratitude, growing up, happy, humanity, humility, Hump Day Chronicles, integrity, joy, kindness, laughter, life, living in the moment, love, Purpose, Relationships, service

I had the privilege of interviewing someone yesterday. Someone whose childhood was marked by abandonment, abuse and neglect. Someone who coped by making bad choices as a result.

His story was heartbreaking and made me question…

No, it made me wrestle with the whys. Why do people treat other people so horribly? And not just other adults, but children. Children who need a better foundational start at life.

But to be honest, that’s not the part of his story that stuck with me.

What stood out was his gratefulness. For every time someone showed him kindness. Every time someone reached out to help him. Went out of their way to give him hope. Saw him, loved him for who he was, took action to make a difference in his life — and did it all without judging him.

His story reminded me of all the people in my life who were pivotal, who were catalysts in changing my life for the better. Most did not even know to what extent they impacted me, inspired me, motivated me to find purpose in my life by serving others.

His story reminded me how important it is to reach out and help others just because I’ve been helped. To pay it forward, to never forget where I came from, to stay humble and grateful.

It’s what brings out the best in humanity. Don’t you think?

~ HUMP DAY CHRONICLES ~

Love is the Answer

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200 words, back to the basics, community, compassion, Diana Schwenk, Diana's Enormous Book of Quotes, growing up, kindness, laughter, life, living in the moment, love, passion, peace, Purpose, Relationships, simplicity

Love is the power to see similarity in the dissimilar.

Theodor Adorno

Once, while watching one of those nature shows, I saw a leopard kill an animal and then discover that animal had a young one. The leopard then proceeded to care for the baby. We’ve all seen photos of animals caring for other animals outside their species. Of animals caring for humans and humans for animals. It’s an amazing thing to witness.

I don’t know what to call this, except to call it love. It is the kind of love that compels us, human or otherwise, to act compassionately and with kindness toward all other living creatures. The kind of love that too often is missing within the human race, within our own species, especially when they look, or believe, or live differently than us.

We haven’t suddenly become this way. It has been like this from the beginning. It’s too bad, really. Especially since the answer is so simple and obvious, so clearly within our grasp. So able to make us see that we are more alike than we are different.

~ DIANA’S ENORMOUS BOOK OF QUOTES ~

Don’t you want to know love like that? I know I do.

Face to Face

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200 words, addiction, alone, community, connecting, depression, Diana Schwenk, Diana's Enormous Book of Quotes, family, health, herd mentality, human nature, humanity, interaction, interdependent, isolation, living in the moment, love, Relationships, social, teamwork, technology

It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.

– Albert Einstein

I’m sure that when we first got mail service, a mother who missed her adult son said, “Now he doesn’t have to visit, he just writes a letter,” and it broke her heart.

And I’ll bet when we first got telephones that some jilted lover missed seeing her man face-to-face when he called.

And TV sure did it’s part to break up the family conversation around the dinner table.

But we got used to these things. With the passing of time, we became accustomed to each new way of communicating and being, and only bemoaned technology when a new one popped up.

These days with Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, texting, it’s almost like technology is enabling us to connect again.

But is it really?

When you don’t see facial expressions or reactions, are you really connecting?

With record numbers of people struggling with depression, addiction and loneliness and countless others thinking suicide is their best option, isn’t it time we reexamine the value of connecting one-to-one and creating a sense of belonging through community?

Isn’t it time for us to get face-to-face?

~ DIANA’S ENORMOUS BOOK OF QUOTES ~