My Word For 2018

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believe, courage, encouragement, Fear, growing up, growth, Happy New Year, letting go, love, mindful, power, powerlessness, release, resiliency, surrender, trust, Truth

Have you ever noticed that the circumstances in life that you struggle with the most seem to repeat themselves over and over again, until you finally find a way to handle them differently?

In past years, I have chosen a word for the upcoming new year. Words like tenacity and service, or perhaps the words actually chose me as my friend Louise Gallagher, over at Dare Boldly has often suggested.

I am certain that my word for 2018 chose me.

Let It Go.

Yes, I know those are three words, but no single word I’ve found, such as release, or surrender, or acquiesce, have fully meant to me what those three little words have come to mean.

I realize, as well, that those three little words have not just made their debut in 2017. They have been waiting patiently at the sidelines for three years, maybe more.

You see, in my family, an issue arises and we scramble to “Fix It”. This works well when it’s a manageable situation like, my car won’t start – call AMA, or my computer is acting up – have you tried rebooting it.

Yet there are many situations in life where you can do all you know to do, and it doesn’t get fixed. There are variables that are simply out of your control, and those are the very things, in my case, that can roll around in my head like a PowerPoint presentation or video that has been set to ‘continuous loop.’

That loop can take over, and more often than not, it prevents me from taking action in other situations, over which I actually have some measure of power to make a difference.

And so, those three little words unassumingly step forward for the millionth time to gently nudge me, encourage me to recognize, to really see that it is time to let it go, to trust, and accept, and even embrace the natural unfolding of what is.

And yes, it really is as simple as that.

Wishing you all an amazing 2018 filled with courage, growth, resiliency and love,

Diana

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Getting Old Sucks

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aging, believe, community, compassion, courage, dementia, Diana Schwenk, Diana's Enormous Book of Quotes, family, Fear, getting old, grief, growing up, happy, health, laughter, life, loss, parents, Purpose, Relationships, Stuff my parents used to say and do

You Ain’t Nothing But A Groundhog?

Margot Schwenk, November 2017

“What is the name of that singer I really liked?” mom asked me, sitting across the booth from me at her ‘second home’ at Vieux Chateau in Hawkesbury, ON. “You know, the guy who sang, ‘You ain’t nothing but a groundhog?’“

How interesting that mom would ask that question, with the mistaken groundhog instead of the actual hound-dog from the song she so loved by Elvis Presley, since my brother and I had recently discussed how life with mom is sort of like the movie Groundhog Day.

Two years ago, mine and Mike’s dad, and mom’s husband of 56 years passed away. Mom hasn’t been the same since. How can someone go on when their husband, whom they have spent more than half their life with, is suddenly gone.

It hasn’t been easy for mom, or for us kids who are witnesses to the profound sadness that saturates mom’s reality. And just recently mom has also had to give up driving and leave the home that she and dad built together to move into a retirement home.

Getting old sucks!

We try to tell ourselves otherwise to make ourselves feel better, but it’s a shit show of giving up independence and autonomy. Sure, one can still find joy in moments and be grateful for what remains, but as in the case of mom, that takes a great deal of re-focusing and determination.

You see, mom isn’t who she once was. She has become very forgetful and displays signs of dementia, and she knows it. Imagine if half your brain was breaking down, and the other half was fully aware of it. It can’t be easy for her. And she is different. She’s not the mom we knew. But the new Margot is beautiful. She’s compassionate. She is concerned about the future of, and misses, her family immensely.

During my one-week visit, I watched mom reach out to others who are struggling, doling out hugs, taking the arm of a woman who has pain when she walks. Mom is fierce in her efforts to help and protect others, because she knows firsthand what it means to feel helpless. She is beautifully compassionate when she hugs and cries with those who are hurting. And although she doesn’t feel it, she is brave, emotionally connected and a light in the darkness.

It’s not been easy for us, her kids, because we are heartbroken with the cards that life has dealt mom. We feel guilty because we can’t spend as much time as we would like with her. And yet, we are so proud of her and so in awe of her ability to FEEL the moment and experience it in the moment.

I don’t mind so much when she cries, because that is RAW honesty, and it passes. She feels it. Accepts it. And moves on. I guess the hardest part is when she panics, when she feels that she screwed up in someway, when the chaotic thoughts in her head send her into a tailspin. Thankfully, these episodes seem to be less, now that she gets her medication dispensed by a nurse at the correct times.

Don’t misread me. It’s not all gloom and doom. Mom’s only been in her new home for a month. She needs time to mourn what’s she’s lost, and grow accustomed to her new surroundings. We do have high hopes of a meaningful quality of life experience for her moving forward. We look forward to a possible trip with the whole family to Germany, mom’s homeland, and we look forward to a June wedding between my daughter and her fiancé.

But I don’t think we are fully off the hook. Individually, and as a society, we need to take a long, hard look at how we treat the elderly. How do we make sure that there is still “life” in their lives? How do we create an environment where joy can exist? How do we move away from ‘doing everything’ for them to ‘helping them find their new purpose?’ How do we move away from the warehousing of elderly people, to an integrated model of all society that includes children and all ages? And how do we keep the conversation going until we find it?

Getting old sucks, but it doesn’t have to…

Check out the amazing results that happened after this cool 6 week experiment.

~ DIANA’S ENORMOUS BOOK OF QUOTES ~

Mom lives at Place Mont Roc now; a wonderful place, run by wonderful people, helping wonderful people. Their kindness is amazing and it’s a great foundation on which to build what we can further do to respect and keep the dignity of our seniors; our moms and dads.

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7 Things Dad would want you to know

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This post has been sitting in my draft folder since December 2015, just a short month after Dad passed. It hasn’t felt right to publish it until now. ♡

*******

Dear Mom,

I’ve been thinking about you and Dad and our family.

In particular, I’ve been thinking about how Dad and I could just sit in the same room, not saying anything, yet somehow be on the same page. And I’ve been thinking about some of the conversations Dad and I have had over the years and I think there are at least seven things that Dad would want you to know.

I’ve listed them below in the form of a letter to you from Dad.

Meine Liebe Salat Schnecke,

1.       Don’t ever doubt how much I loved you

Remember our Wedding night? It wasn’t a fancy party. We did the best we could though and we had fun right? I can still see you running through the street singing in the middle of the night when you’d had a little too much to drink.

What the neighbours must have thought!

But I didn’t care, you seemed happy and honestly Margot, I may not have been able to express myself well, but that’s what I wanted for you. I always wanted you to be happy.

I knew how hard your life had been, I wanted to show you how good it could be.

Remember when we arrived in Canada and once we got on our feet a bit? You have no idea how happy it made me to see you eat butter, eat at a restaurant, eat fruit and cakes and whatever you could get your hands on. Remember that time I brought a dozen lemon donuts home when you were pregnant and you ate 11 of them? I didn’t mind that there was only one donut left for me.

It made me smile to watch you eat all the foods you missed in your childhood.

2.       Building our family

I know you were scared and so determined that our children would never be harmed like you had been. I was shocked that time you would even think I might hurt them but I grew to understand where this fear came from. I loved our kids – I would have done anything for them, and I think I was able to convince you of that with time, right?

No regrets Margot.  Don’t ever underestimate the value of what we were able to give our kids. Sure we weren’t perfect parents, we made mistakes along the way, but we did everything to the best of our ability for them and I think they turned out pretty good, don’t you?

3.       Our 50^th anniversary

Mom and Dad’s 50th Anniversary

Wasn’t that a fun party, Margot? I was so excited to celebrate with you. You looked so beautiful in that blue dress, I was so proud beside you in my new suit. And look how many friends came to celebrate with us!

And our trip to Germany! Yes Canada was our home now, but how wonderful it was to go to the place where we met and married to celebrate our 50^th.

4.       You were a real handful sometimes

A fighter. A hard worker. You had fire in your eyes!

Yeah there were times I wished you would just calm down, relax a little. Just let go of stuff, but maybe it was your pushing that got us as far as we got. And even when you were angry, I knew it was because you were afraid that things wouldn’t work out – those ghosts from the past were haunting you. I knew that you were fighting for the very best.

And you know what? I think I may have originally been drawn to that about you. You have spunk!

I mean who else would have moved to a new country, not knowing the language to start a new life with me? I chose well. You were the right partner for me.

You worked just as hard as me. Remember our job at that summer camp? Picking apples?  Making hats? And all the other jobs we had until I got that job at Kraft Foods and we bought our first home? And even then you cleaned houses to help out with the expenses. Yes we worked hard for what we built.

5.       Regrets

Maybe I could have been more supportive at times. Like when you were seasick on our voyage to Canada or when you broke your ankle. Maybe I could have told you more how much I appreciated you. I just never was one for words. But make no mistake; I was grateful and I really cared about you, even if I wasn’t very good at saying it.

6.       The last few years

I know how hard it was for you to watch me on the couch in pain. It was hard for me too. I wanted to be healed. And sometimes you made me angry when you pushed so hard for me to get up or exercise. But when I would think about it, I knew you were scared. I knew you meant well.

But the hardest thing, Margot was to see what my poor health was doing to you. You were so brave. That’s why I tried so hard to be brave too. That’s why I tried not to complain even when I couldn’t drive the car anymore. You did everything. I really wish I could have helped around the house more. I was so sure I would get better and things would go back to normal. But I didn’t. I’m so sorry things didn’t work out the way we had hoped. If I had known that I wouldn’t get better, perhaps we could have made arrangements that would have made the last years easier for both of us.

7.       Now that I’m gone

Our last few years together were hard, and I am so thankful for all you did for me. I know you’re sad and that you must grieve – after all we spent 56 years together, one doesn’t get over that quickly. But don’t just remember the last years. Remember the fun times. The family vacations. The German Club New Year’s dances. When I taught you how to drive. Those nights we walked around the block when the kids were in bed.

And don’t grieve too long. There is so much more for you to experience. Spend time with our kids, our grandkids, our wonderful friends. Get back out there doing the stuff you love to do. Simplify your life. Laugh, live and love. Life is far too precious to do otherwise. Grab onto life with both hands and enjoy it as much as you can. And know that when your time comes, I’ll be here, waiting for you.

Dein Mann, Heinz

Vulnerability and Truth

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200 words, anger, believe, courage, Diana Schwenk, Diana's Enormous Book of Quotes, emotions, Fear, growing up, happy, health, integrity, kindness, life, love, peace, strong, Truth, weak, worry

“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.”

― Brené Brown

It’s scary to be vulnerable, isn’t it? It makes you feel weak, and even worse it makes you appear weak to others.

Suppose you don’t know what to do about a situation at work, if you ask for help, would it seem like you cannot do the job you were hired to do?

Suppose you are grieving the loss of someone close to you, or are worried about the circumstances a loved one has found themselves in, if you talk about it or cry, would it seem as though you are too emotional?

What if you’re afraid to go to the dentist, or a job interview, or know you need to admit you were wrong about something, if you hesitate or show any anxiety, would you look like a coward?

I grew up believing it did. Crying was weak. Smiling or laughing made you look foolish. The only acceptable emotion was anger, which somehow proved that you were strong.

It can take years to finally know that vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage.

~ DIANA’S ENORMOUS BOOK OF QUOTES ~

The Dance

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200 words, believe, compassion, courage, danger, Diana Schwenk, Diana's Enormous Book of Quotes, enabling, Fear, growing up, happy, health, integrity, joy, kindness, living in the moment, love, mission, Purpose, sacrifice, world issues

How can we know the danger from the dance?

~ William Butler Yeats

How do you recognize the difference between what is good for you and bad for you? Does fun mean bad? Does safe mean good?

How do you balance security and risk? When is it best to tread carefully? When should you throw caution to the wind?

How do you evaluate your need and their need? When do you sacrifice yourself for the good of someone else? When do your sacrifices border enabling?

Living only for our own comfort is the worst kind of extravagance; and truly brings no satisfaction in the end. And a life of consistently compromising ourselves to accommodate the agendas of others only serves to annihilate us and the gifts we could share with the world.

Can we ever really know the danger from the dance? I don’t think we can. At least not until our decisions finally play themselves out. But a really good indicator that we’re making the right decision may be to question our motives for the choices we make.

Am I acting from a place of love or am I acting from a place of fear?

~ DIANA’S ENORMOUS BOOK OF QUOTES ~

What If When A Storm Comes In…

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200 words, believe, brave, change, courage, Diana Schwenk, Diana's Enormous Book of Quotes, Fear, first steps, goodness, greater good, grief, growing up, illness, life, Life's like that, living in the moment, loss, peace, Purpose, Storm, strength, things we cannot change

I promise you,

these storms are

only trying to

wash you clean.

 – Jessica Katoff

Wow – this quote really lifted my spirit when I read it the other day! The idea that suffering does not have to be in vain is oddly comforting and hopeful. In the same way that the pains of childbirth lead to new life, the challenges we face in daily living are ultimately meant for our good.

What if it’s true?

What if those rough spots in life; like losing someone we love, illness, defeat and change are meant to wash us clean, meant to remove the layers of useless garbage that we haul around day after day?

What if when a storm comes in, we can choose to slow our breathing, to calm ourselves, to yes – acknowledge and feel the moment, but then soothe our frightened selves with the understanding that we can get through it by (for lack of better words) getting out of our head, RISING above our situation, SEEING the bigger picture, BELIEVING in our ability to get through it, no matter the outcome, and TAKING that first step into the storm KNOWING we will be washed clean?

~ DIANA’S ENORMOUS BOOK OF QUOTES ~

ALIVE – My Word For 2017

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200 words, alive, anger, authentic, believe, courage, Diana Schwenk, Diana's Enormous Book of Quotes, Fear, grief, integrity, joy, laughter, living in the moment, real, Relationships, sadness, true to yourself

Try to learn to breathe deeply, really to taste food when you eat, and when you sleep, really to sleep. Try as much as possible to be wholly alive with all your might, and when you laugh, laugh like hell. And when you get angry, get good and angry. Try to be alive. You will be dead soon enough.

Ernest Hemingway

I love this Hemingway quote. It calls me to be present in the NOW and to give all of myself to the moment at hand. And not only that, it dares me to fully experience the moment using all of my senses – to be wholly alive.

Life is sweet. Just to be here is a wonderful thing – even in difficult times. The odds were stacked against me to even be born! Yet here I am, and how easy it is to take my life for granted, to forsake what is right in front of me for what was, or what may, or may not be.

Alive.

I can feel my blood pumping through my veins just saying it! And so I know, it’s the perfect word for me in 2017.

~ DIANA’S ENORMOUS BOOK OF QUOTES ~

My words for previous years

Duty

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200 words, believe, caring, community, compassion, courage, Diana Schwenk, Diana's Enormous Book of Quotes, duty, Fear, happy, health, integrity, joy, kindness, life, love, peace, Purpose, Relationships

I know of only one duty and that is to love.

Albert Camus

At first glance this Camus quote seems strange to me. I mean who would think that love or loving is a duty? Isn’t love a feeling that springs up over time? A luxury afforded those closest to us?

Perhaps it is true for romantic love, but even then, over the long haul such feelings of first attraction dissipate. Don’t they?

No, if anything, love is an act of one’s will. We must choose love over and over again. Often love is not even the easiest choice. Nor is it, or rather should it be, limited to only those who are closest to us. Most times the easy choice is to focus on our own interests, to turn our backs on those who need love the most.

I believe it’s fear that makes us put ourselves ahead of others. And in many ways fear has the opposite affect of love. Fear divides, where love binds us together. Fear says every man for himself where love says no man left behind. Fear builds walls to keep others out, where love builds bridges of inclusion.

~ DIANA’S ENORMOUS BOOK OF QUOTES ~

#YYCRocksforRecovery – A Huge Success!

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#yycrocksforrecovery, addiction, Alberta, believe, Calgary, community, compassion, courage, dancing, Diana Schwenk, Events, Fundraising, generosity, giving, Hump Day Chronicles, joy, kindness, Kings Head Pub, music, non-profit, passion, Purpose, recovery, Relationships, TLB Group

Wow – YYC Rocks for recovery raised $4,300!

Enough to provide a safe and sober Oxford home for two individuals for more than a year!

The energy and support at King’s Head Pub on Sunday, October 16^th for YYC Rocks for Recovery was palpable. 

Personally, and as a representative of Oxford House, I am so grateful to the TLB Group and its many volunteers who manned the door, sold wares, ran the auction, emceed the event, and who knows what else; King’s Head Pub, who provided all the food for volunteers; the Twenty-eight super talented bands who rocked the house down all afternoon and into the early hours of the morning; the amazing sponsors, the silent auction donors, and those who attended.

What a night!

I mean, how often can you get to see such high quality talent from so many musicians for $10 at the door these days? And each and every band played for free, played for Oxford House, played for the love of their craft – many sticking around after their set to support their fellow musicians.

Tracey, my coworker and I volunteered for a shift at the door early in the afternoon. The TLB volunteers were so welcoming and took the time to explain what we needed to do. It didn’t take me long to hand over the cover-charge-taking and tracking duties to Tracey who is the Financial Coordinator at Oxford House and way more proficient at these things than I am. That left me free to do the hand stamping, free haircut coupon distribution and the directing of musicians and volunteers to where they needed to go. The volunteer door shift was a blast.  One could feel the good vibes that came in with attendees.

Much to my pleasant surprise, my long-time friend Carmen whom I ran into by chance the day before on 17^th Avenue, showed up with her niece Stephanie to support the event. Carmen bid on several auction items, the last of which lit her face up like a Christmas tree when she won it. She can’t wait to take her friend from Montana on a guided fly fishing tour on the Bow River.

Mike Robertson, who donated the package for the auction stopped by to chat with us and was thrilled that Carmen was so happy about her upcoming fishing adventure. “I’ve been in recovery for thirteen years,” Mike told us. “And when I heard about YYC Rocks for Recovery I just had to do my little part.”

And that same spirit of generosity permeated the entire event. I was so blown away by everyone involved – it was ‘community in action’, coming together as one to rock the world of individuals in recovery.

Enjoy the photo gallery below

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And now a little taste of the stage and people thoroughly enjoying themselves on the dance floor…

~ HUMP DAY CHRONICLES ~

For more information on the TLB Group

For WAY more photos and videos: YYC Rocks for Recovery Event Page

For more information about Oxford House

Beautiful Struggle

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200 words, Alberta, beauty, believe, Calgary, community, compassion, courage, Diana Schwenk, Diana's Enormous Book of Quotes, life, looking back, memories, Southern Alberta Floods 2013, struggles

One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful.

Sigmund Freud

On June 21, 2013, I woke up and looked out the window to see what kind of day was greeting me. Finally, after many days of rain, the sun was shining. I had no idea at the time, but later in the day I would write:

Calgary and surrounding communities are experiencing flooding that exceeds the flood of 2005. The TransCanada Highway is closed between Canmore and Banff and Canmore’s Cougar’s Creek has become a raging river. High River south of Calgary is completely under water. Other surrounding areas are also affected with devastating floods.

In Calgary, many of the communities around my neighbourhood have been put under mandatory evacuation. So far my community is still fine. The largest homeless shelter in Canada is being evacuated as I write. A thousand Drop In residents are walking over the bridge to the Bridgeland community.

I had never experienced a natural disaster until that day. I had also never experienced the coming together of people to help others on such a massive scale either. It was humanity at its best. It was beautiful.

~ DIANA’S ENORMOUS BOOK OF QUOTES ~