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Tag Archives: pain

The Story of Your Life

18 Sunday Mar 2018

Posted by dianasschwenk in Diana's Enormous Book of Quotes, In My Opinion

≈ 22 Comments

Tags

beauty, compassion, courage, Diana Schwenk, Diana's Enormous Book of Quotes, grief, growing up, growth, health, journey, kindness, loss, pain, strong, struggles, time, wounded

That which does not kill us, makes us stronger.

Friedrich Nietzsche

I recently read that when you want to bulk up your muscles by working out, it tears your muscle and creates a scar. That scar is what makes your muscle bulkier and makes you stronger.

Reading that reminded me of the above quote.

Every scar. Every physical, emotional and spiritual wound. Every stretch mark you endure, tells the story of your life. It shows what you have endured and survived, and makes you stronger.

Our scars make us stronger. They make us more beautiful, more uniquely us, and as an extra bonus, more compassionate and kind toward others. They tell the story of our life.

But just as with any workout routine, you first decide to be healthier, you embrace the current discomfort, you work through the pain, you rest when you need to, and then do it again. it takes time to see the results.

Consider this the next time you feel broken.

~ DIANA’S ENORMOUS BOOK OF QUOTES ~

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The One in the Arena

22 Sunday Jan 2017

Posted by dianasschwenk in Diana's Enormous Book of Quotes

≈ 20 Comments

Tags

achievement, Act, courage, critic, daring, defeat, Diana's Enormous Book of Quotes, failure, Fear, life, pain, pride, Purpose, striving, strong, struggles, success, victory, weak, worthy cause

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There are many men who feel a kind of twister pride in cynicism; there are many who confine themselves to criticism of the way others do what they themselves dare not even attempt. There is no more unhealthy being, no man less worthy of respect, than he who either really holds, or feigns to hold, an attitude of sneering disbelief toward all that is great and lofty, whether in achievement or in that noble effort which, even if it fails, comes to second achievement. A cynical habit of thought and speech, a readiness to criticize work which the critic himself never tries to perform, an intellectual aloofness which will not accept contact with life’s realities – all these are marks, not as the possessor would fain to think, of superiority but of weakness. They mark the men unfit to bear their part painfully in the stern strife of living, who seek, in the affection of contempt for the achievements of others, to hide from others and from themselves in their own weakness. The role is easy; there is none easier, save only the role of the man who sneers alike at both criticism and performance. “It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.

Teddy Roosevelt

~ DIANA’S ENORMOUS BOOK OF QUOTES ~

I’d Rather Feel Something

27 Wednesday Jul 2016

Posted by dianasschwenk in Hump Day Chronicles, In My Opinion

≈ 36 Comments

Tags

caring, compassion, courage, Diana Schwenk, Fear, growth, happy, health, Hump Day Chronicles, joy, kindness, laughter, learning, life, Life's like that, living in the moment, love, pain, sorrow, strong

sorrow

I’d rather feel pain than nothing at all. A phrase I’ve uttered many times over the years. A phrase that’s elicited just as many reactions.

Before you write me off completely as a wingnut, hear me out. It’s not that I want to feel pain, or sorrow for that matter, or fear, or abandonment, or rejection, or betrayal. It’s just that given a choice between any of them or nothing, I’d rather not feel nothing.

I have felt nothing on a handful of occasions; when I’ve given up, or I’m tired, or I just don’t care anymore. Nothing matters, whether I ever eat or sleep or shower again, whether I live or die.

Feeling nothing, being numb feels like being dead inside and that scares me more than anything else.

The sting of pain and sorrow and fear, etc., reminds me I’m alive and experience has shown me that it will pass and if I pay attention and embrace it, I will be stronger for it, I will learn to prioritize better, I will have more joy in my life, I will grow in compassion.

I loved this poem when I came across it today. I hope it speaks to you as well.

Love Sorrow

Love sorrow. She is yours now, and you must take care of what has been given. Brush her hair, help her into her little coat, hold her hand, especially when crossing a street. For, think,

what if you should lose her? Then you would be sorrow yourself; her drawn face, her sleeplessness would be yours. Take care, touch her forehead that she feel herself not so

utterly alone. And smile, that she does not altogether forget the world before the lesson. Have patience in abundance. And do not ever lie or ever leave her even for a moment

by herself, which is to say, possibly, again, abandoned. She is strange, mute, difficult, sometimes unmanageable but, remember, she is a child. And amazing things can happen. And you may see,

as the two of you go walking together in the morning light, how little by little she relaxes; she looks about her; she begins to grow.

Mary Oliver

~ HUMP DAY CHRONICLES ~

The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

15 Sunday May 2016

Posted by dianasschwenk in Diana's Enormous Book of Quotes

≈ 14 Comments

Tags

alive, courage, Diana Schwenk, Diana's Enormous Book of Quotes, dreams, Fear, inspiration, life, longing, love, pain, poetry, true to yourself

Waiting for a new day

It doesn’t interest me
what you do for a living.
I want to know
what you ache for
and if you dare to dream
of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me
how old you are.
I want to know
if you will risk
looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesnt interest me
what planets are
squaring your moon…
I want to know
if you have touched
the centre of your own sorrow
if have been opened
by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know
if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know
if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you
to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations
of being human.

It doesn’t interest me
if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear
the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know
if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live
or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me
who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me
where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know
what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know
if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like
the company you keep
in the empty moment.

~ DIANA’S ENORMOUS BOOK OF QUOTES ~

I Didn’t Know

09 Wednesday Mar 2016

Posted by dianasschwenk in Hump Day Chronicles, My Stories

≈ 59 Comments

Tags

caring, courage, Dad, death, Diana Schwenk, family, Fear, grief, health, Hump Day Chronicles, laughter, life, loss, love, memories, pain, Relationships, shock

IMG_20150208_074531

I stood there in front of everyone and looked out at all the people before I spoke. My family sat in the first row. I felt I had to stand for dad, channel him somehow, be calm and reassuring like he would be. After all, I’ve been told so many times in my life that I am like him.

I didn’t have an opportunity to write down what I would say, so I’d be winging it. And all at once it occurred to me that I should tell those who came because they loved my dad, that I was in shock, that my mother and brother were in shock and that we would need them all to ask about dad when the shock wore off in about three months – because we’d want to talk about him. I’d read that in a book once and had even made myself a note to contact people I care about three months after they’d lost people they loved.

What I didn’t know from the book is what it feels like when the shock wears off. I didn’t know that it’s like getting dental surgery and thinking to myself, ‘I handled that pretty good,’ and then the freezing wears off and the pain comes with such a force it throws you off kilter, completely catching you off guard. I didn’t know how FINAL death is, how empty I would feel inside, how my heart would hurt, how afraid I would be to forget his blue eyes, and the sound his drumming fingers made on the table, what his laugh sounded like, how his strong voice seemed to come from deep within when he spoke. I didn’t know how important the stuff I didn’t give a shit about before would become, like his coin collecting and how I am constantly looking for the young queen with the crown on the new twenty-dollar bill or the quarters with the poppies and putting them aside so I can…

so I can what?

I don’t know.

I didn’t know that I would have good days, that the memory of him would make me smile, that I could share stories and laugh remembering them, that I could even have days that I wouldn’t think of him at all and yet my body would betray me with restless nights, low energy, aches and pains as if it were carrying the load for my broken heart.

This past Sunday (month 4 since he passed away) I was hit with another wave of grief. It came in the form of a realization that I will never see dad again, at least not in this world. Of course I knew that before, but it’s as if my mind was protecting me earlier, as if I kind of just glazed over that point, as if the freezing hadn’t worn off yet.

I guess you really don’t know until you know.

~ HUMP DAY CHRONICLES~

He Deserves Better Than This

01 Wednesday Jul 2015

Posted by dianasschwenk in Hump Day Chronicles, In My Opinion, My Stories

≈ 78 Comments

Tags

aging, Canada, caring, compassion, courage, Dad, Diana Schwenk, family, growing up, health, health care, Hump Day Chronicles, joy, kindness, life, love, memories, pain, parents, world issues

Dad and Mom at Dad's retirement from Kraft Foods party

Dad and Mom at Dad’s retirement from Kraft Foods party

My dad worked hard all his life and has been quietly suffering these last two years.

He has several degenerative discs that are being squeezed out of his back and no amount or type of medication has relieved his pain.

Most recently, the only time he doesn’t feel pain is when he’s laying down.

Doctors say that once his discs have been squeezed out, he’ll be pain-free – his back will be stiff – but he’ll be pain-free.

In the meantime, his leg muscles are atrophying. He only has about ten percent muscle left in his right leg; and even before he got laid up, he was using a walker.

As a young father, dad worked long days, six days per week making margarine at Kraft Foods. Back then employers weren’t as aware about proper lifting and safety at the workplace. It wasn’t unusual for dad to lift and carry 100 lb. bags of salt up a step-ladder to pour the contents into a vat. He often had back pain and tension headaches in those days.

Years of heavy lifting and hard work resulted in his troubles today.

“No one needs to be in pain these days, there must be something that can be done. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life on the couch,” he recently told me on the phone.

Not too long ago, we learned that there might be something else we can do. The hospital could administer several painful cortisone shots into his spine with the hope that he could be pain-free for up to six months.

But there is a waiting list. It could take six months or more before he would get in.

I was irate to say the least.

When I was a child, I was petrified of doctors. The only person I trusted to tend to my ouchies was dad. He called himself ‘Dr. Heinz’ – Heinz is his given name – just like the ketchup, he used to say.

Once I cut my right hand between my ring and middle finger on a rock while playing in a lake. I feared the worst. I was sure I would need stitches. It was a bloody mess and I could see bone. But Dr. Heinz gently cleaned and bandaged the wound, then bound the two fingers together with gauze and medical tape.

And it worked – the wound healed!

Some forty-plus years later, every time I look at that tiny scar I think of dad. He always took such good care to doctor me up.

Every day that dad can’t walk because of pain, his muscles deteriorate even more. I can’t doctor him up, but enough is enough – I had to do something!

So I made a few phone calls to the hospital in Ontario. They have the referral from his family doctor. They know his medical history, but I wanted to tell them about the man who is my dad, who worked hard all his life, who deserves better than this; who deserves to live his last years with some enjoyment and quality of life.

And it worked. Or it is just a happy coincidence – I don’t really care which – but he’s scheduled to get his shots on Friday!

I couldn’t be happier if I tried.

So fingers crossed, and prayers for pain relief sent, I hope for the best. Good luck dad!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The sad truth is that Canada’s Health Care System doesn’t work anymore. Thousands wait for operations and procedures; many are the elderly; the very folks who worked their butts off to give us a better life. Canada was once recognized as one of the top countries in the world as far as healthcare and general well-being are concerned. Not so anymore. Something needs to be done.  By the year 2041, seniors are expected to represent 25% of the population in Canada, let’s put something sustainable in place before then.

~ HUMP DAY CHRONICLES ~

Related article: We’re all going to be seniors one day

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