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caring, compassion, courage, Diana Schwenk, Fear, growth, happy, health, Hump Day Chronicles, joy, kindness, laughter, learning, life, Life's like that, living in the moment, love, pain, sorrow, strong
I’d rather feel pain than nothing at all. A phrase I’ve uttered many times over the years. A phrase that’s elicited just as many reactions.
Before you write me off completely as a wingnut, hear me out. It’s not that I want to feel pain, or sorrow for that matter, or fear, or abandonment, or rejection, or betrayal. It’s just that given a choice between any of them or nothing, I’d rather not feel nothing.
I have felt nothing on a handful of occasions; when I’ve given up, or I’m tired, or I just don’t care anymore. Nothing matters, whether I ever eat or sleep or shower again, whether I live or die.
Feeling nothing, being numb feels like being dead inside and that scares me more than anything else.
The sting of pain and sorrow and fear, etc., reminds me I’m alive and experience has shown me that it will pass and if I pay attention and embrace it, I will be stronger for it, I will learn to prioritize better, I will have more joy in my life, I will grow in compassion.
I loved this poem when I came across it today. I hope it speaks to you as well.
Love Sorrow
Love sorrow. She is yours now, and you must take care of what has been given. Brush her hair, help her into her little coat, hold her hand, especially when crossing a street. For, think,
what if you should lose her? Then you would be sorrow yourself; her drawn face, her sleeplessness would be yours. Take care, touch her forehead that she feel herself not so
utterly alone. And smile, that she does not altogether forget the world before the lesson. Have patience in abundance. And do not ever lie or ever leave her even for a moment
by herself, which is to say, possibly, again, abandoned. She is strange, mute, difficult, sometimes unmanageable but, remember, she is a child. And amazing things can happen. And you may see,
as the two of you go walking together in the morning light, how little by little she relaxes; she looks about her; she begins to grow.
~ HUMP DAY CHRONICLES ~
timkeen40 said:
I have gone through periods of not really caring. It was easier than the pain that I was running from. Feeling is better. Caring is always better.
Tim
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dianasschwenk said:
agreed! ❤
Diana xo
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Wyrd Smythe said:
Indeed! Feeling nothing is why some go off their meds. Even feeling crazy is better than feeling nothing! I knew someone once, bi-polar, who jumped off her garage roof just to feel something. She described the meds as “making everything gray.”
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dianasschwenk said:
Wow, that’s awful – poor lady Smitty. ❤
Diana xo
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Wyrd Smythe said:
She was fine; didn’t injure herself. But the thought of being so wrapped in gray wool that you jump off a garage to see how it feels, yeah… pretty awful. And you can see the temptation to go off the meds.
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dianasschwenk said:
Yup and they don’t always get medications right Smitty.
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Wyrd Smythe said:
Yup. True dat!
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Alan A. Malizia: Contagious Optimism! Co-Author said:
Important post, Diana.
When we give ourselves to indifference for the purpose of avoiding pain we lose our human nature. For every sorrow endured there is a an uplifting joy. We can not have one without the other. We find that truth upon the cross.
-Alan
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dianasschwenk said:
As always, thank you so much for your thoughtful comment Alan. ❤
Diana xo
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April said:
Feeling nothing is scary and I have experienced as well. I love the poem.
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dianasschwenk said:
So you understand… I love the poem too April. ❤
Diana xo
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Jennifer Kelland Perry said:
Thank you for this, Diana. Such truth in Mary Oliver’s words! ❤
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dianasschwenk said:
My pleasure Jennifer and I agree! ❤
Diana xo
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cyclingrandma said:
Love M.O. Thanks for sharing.
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dianasschwenk said:
me too Lisa. My pleasure. ❤
Diana xo
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Ann Koplow said:
Love you and Mary Oliver.
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dianasschwenk said:
Love you too Ann! ❤
Diana xo
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vanbytheriver said:
Perfect. For only when you have felt the sorrow, can you truly appreciate the joy.
Wonderful poem. Mary Oliver…genius. 💘
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dianasschwenk said:
Agreed Van! ❤
Diana xo
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Chatter Master said:
I don’t think you’re a wingnut. I understand this. It’s horrible to feel nothing. Not that it’s great to feel pain at all. The ‘nothing’ scares me.
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dianasschwenk said:
Scares me too. Makes me feel dead Colleen. ❤
Diana xo
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tric said:
I have watched close friends feel nothing and in time recover. It’s awful to watch.
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dianasschwenk said:
Wow, I’m not sure I’ve ever witnessed it in someone else Tric. Glad they recovered. ❤
Diana xo
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tric said:
I remember one great friend who was so low. She said after she recovered that during that time if someone had told her she’d won millions on the lotto she’d not have felt anything. Your post reminded me of her comment.
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dianasschwenk said:
Wow!
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Val Boyko said:
Ah yes. Feeling everything fully is living fully. It took me a long time to be ready to let down my arm our and embrace it all. Thank you for sharing this 💕
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dianasschwenk said:
Me too Val and thank you. ❤
Diana xo
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Louise Gallagher said:
Beautiful Diana of the beautiful heart. Your words are a gift that light up the world with love.
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dianasschwenk said:
What a lovely thing to say Louise – thank you! ❤
Diana xo
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George said:
Beautiful poem and insightful post Diana.?
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dianasschwenk said:
Thanks George. ❤
Diana xo
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Healing Grief said:
Beautiful wisdom Diana. Mary Oliver understands this deeply. When we feel our sorrow and learn to know her and accept her, she does soften and heal. It is a gift to know this in times of deep pain. Thankyou for sharing, I will use this in my workshops.
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dianasschwenk said:
That’s wonderful Karen! ❤
Diana xo
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David Kanigan said:
Moved!
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dianasschwenk said:
I love Mary Oliver
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David Kanigan said:
Me too. She plays at another level
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