Tags
adapt, children, daughters, Diana Schwenk, family, growing up, kids, loss, love, Relationships, Single parent, things we cannot change
Look at this tree. It’s the only one still hanging on to its leaves. It’s resisting the inevitable…
In a recent post entitled Fear, I wrote about gathering up your courage to overcome your fears in order to face and change outcomes.
In this post, I would like to explore the things we cannot change.
I’m not a fan of winter.
Yes I know, some of you love it.
One only has to look at my
Twitter name @wantsummerback to know that I love summer.
But all the fist-clenching,
face-scrunching,
eyes tightly closed praying
wishing and hoping
will not stop the onset of winter.
Winter will come anyway.
~
Winter is a metaphor to me for the things I cannot change.
Life throws us some doozies, doesn’t it?
Job loss
Illness
Relationship loss
Financial struggles
The passing of loved ones.
And just like winter, they come and there’s not a damned thing we can do about it.
Nope – there are some things you just can’t change.
Not all is lost though, not as long as you can do the one thing that humans have been doing since the dawn of man.
The one thing that has, in my opinion, ensured the survival of mankind.
You can adapt.
~
Back before my daughter was born…
before I was pregnant, before I met a man and fell in love, I had decided that I would never have children.
I just didn’t think I had that nurturing gene that all the other women I’d met seemed to have.
Well you know how the story goes…
Girl decides not to have children.
Girl meets man and falls in love…one thing leads to another and girl becomes pregnant.
So I adapted. I became OK with that. I began to plot out how our little family life would play out.
I got excited and really started looking forward to having a baby.
No matter what came, the man I loved and I would figure out how to handle any situation.
When I was six months pregnant, my relationship with the father of my baby ended.
There was nothing I could do. It happened and that was that. The end.
So I adapted.
Don’t misread me – I was devastated, but once I accepted the situation, I began to plot out how our little family life would play out.
When they put my little angel girl in my arms on that snowy November day, I couldn’t help but fall in love with her.
It was my responsibility to take care of her.
I had no choice but to figure it all out.
Sure it wasn’t easy.
It wasn’t an ideal situation.
It’s tough to be a working single parent.
And it’s tough to be the child of a single parent too.
But you guessed it – my little girl adapted and grew up (maybe a little faster than other kids) into a beautiful, intelligent young woman.
She is a gift to me – the best thing I’ve ever done – and I’m so proud to be her mom.
~
The human spirit is amazing – it endures and overcomes.
I’ve seen it with people experiencing homelessness.
I’ve watched in awe as families and organizations regroup and pull together in crises and do what they never imagined they could do.
I’ve read about it – here – in your blogs and have been amazed with your strength in tougher situations than I have ever had to face.
It’s never easy. It takes its toll.
There is no manual with step-by-step instructions to follow.
But the human spirit is amazing – it adapts and endures.
~
Not a great video clip – I probably don’t have a film career in my future
but it does afford you the opportunity to hear my voice!
Look at this tree.
It’s the only one still hanging on to its leaves.
It’s resisting the inevitable
it’s hanging on to the warmth of autumn.
But as you can see…
winter has invaded our city – albeit before the season is official.
Doesn’t that tree know that a time of renewal will come?
Makes me wonder about the things I’m resisting.
How about you?
russtowne said:
Thank you for sharing your voice with us. A very pleasant voice at that!
It is nice to add a voice to the face and some thoughts and glimpses of your spirit.
Russ
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dianasschwenk said:
(smiling) Thank you my friend.
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elizabeth2560 said:
Love this post. I am so glad that you have posted your life story on your blog. I feel that I really know you now. You are truly inspiring. You have done such a fantastic job to have reared such a beautiful daughter on your own.
I like your choice of words – ‘adapt’ is easier sometimes than ‘accept’ when we are met with events that we did not plan. so we adapt and go forward with plan ‘B’ …. and that is OK. Thanks 🙂
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dianasschwenk said:
Thanks Elizabeth! My daughter is awesome – not sure how much it has to do with me – I think she just has a really good internal character and value system. xo
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mindfuldiary said:
like, like, like! Where the heck IS the like button? Oh, ok, found it! 🙂 First of all, agree, adapting is the universal. I think that is what schools of today need to teach together with other subjects (and kindness). Secondly, I respect all moms, but even more so single mums. I simply don’t know how you do it!Honestly! I guess I got the answer. Adapt. I admire your strenght. p.s I also dislike winters. Candle light, good books, hot tea helps a lot though. Great to hear your voice! hugs
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dianasschwenk said:
Thanks for stopping by and your sweet comments. I’m blushing!
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thoughtsfromanamericanwoman said:
Beautiful post, I am an autumn and spring gal…and always resist summer and winter…but like you said they will come regardless – the video really enhanced the poem. And I must add my opinion about your picture too – you and your daughter are beautiful! One of the many things I like about Canada is the accent, it has alot of charm as does yours. We are always saying Canadians have hearts of gold. As I told you before I am glad we are neighbors! Patty
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dianasschwenk said:
I’m glad we’re neighbours too! Canada is like “America Lite” 🙂 It’s awesome to share a border with a country that has people that are so similar!
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thoughtsfromanamericanwoman said:
LOL I like that! 🙂
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mrs fringe said:
Your daughter is beautiful, as you are. A lovely treat to hear your voice, too! You know I’m another summer person, and the start to this winter has been especially rough. I admire your spirit. I’m pretty good at endurance; overcoming, not so much.
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dianasschwenk said:
Thank you very much. You have a beautiful spirit and I’m thinking you are stronger than you know. Sending hugs your way and hoping it gets less ‘rough’ for you soon! xo
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faydanamyjake said:
I love this post 🙂
Your Daughter is adorable. you have every reason to feel proud.
Life is what happens when you are making other plans. Don’t worry I say to myself, for I know, the worries probably won’t happen and the thing that blindsides you on a random Tuesday Afternoon is the one thing you never worried about. the horror too deep, but not too deep to happen.
Great voice too 🙂
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dianasschwenk said:
It’s so true isn’t it? Thanks for stopping by faydanamyjake and sharing your thoughts.
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faydanamyjake said:
Fay from fly on the wall 🙂
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dianasschwenk said:
of course! Thanks Fay!
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joannerambling said:
As we come into summer and warmer days, ok I mean stinking hot bloody days I feel more energised but I guess that is the norm……..
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dianasschwenk said:
for me it is – I get to play outside!
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stuffitellmysister said:
A time of renewal. Perfect words. And I love the pic of you and your daughter! ♥
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dianasschwenk said:
Thank you so much! She’ll be the first to tell you that we’re more like friends than mother and daughter. A while back she said I’m like her best friend…right or wrong, it really touched my heart. ❤
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stuffitellmysister said:
What a sweet heart! I’m so glad you guys have each other ♥
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dianasschwenk said:
me too!
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artsifrtsy said:
I was just thinking this morning on the drive into work, how brief the color of autumn is compared to it’s length. Our color will fall from the trees in the next 10 days or so and the change will begin. I like the idea of embracing renewal. Here in the woods I see winter as the time to make things right for Spring. Pruning, clearing, planting – the last part of autumn is the respite before it begins.
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dianasschwenk said:
That’s a good way of looking at it. It makes sense even….but …. yeah I still hate winter! 😉
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artsifrtsy said:
It’s not my favorite either, I do like that first snow though:)
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dianasschwenk said:
yeah…I guess that’s pretty 🙂
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artsifrtsy said:
At least for a few minutes it is 🙂
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Human In Recovery said:
Diana,
It was great to hear your voice and see that beautiful picture of you and your daughter. Adapt and overcome. I was recently reminded of the fable of The Oak and the Reed. Being willing to be flexible and adjust to what’s happening around you while holding onto and expanding the root system are keys in letting go of the futility of resistance.
Thanks for your post.
Blessings,
Kina
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dianasschwenk said:
Thank you for the illustration of the Oak!
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myrthryn said:
Great post Diana…we’ve all got to learn to roll with the punches lest we become embittered at life.
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dianasschwenk said:
very true!
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Louise G. said:
Love your video!!!! FAbulous post — and I’ve got a couple of trees just like that in my back yard. I’ve been asking them ”what are you resisting” — and they’ve been saying, we’re the mirror.
Hmmm…. maybe I need to listen to nature? 🙂
Hugs
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dianasschwenk said:
…we’re the mirror! love that! Thanks for stopping by and for your encouragement.
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this is lemonade said:
Lovely to hear your voice Diana. It’s beautiful 🙂
Sometimes change is just what we need. It grows us. It’s scary, but I guess that’s one of the great things about it. It can be so invigorating.
Lovely post. Great photo of you and your daughter – looks like you’ve made it together 🙂
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dianasschwenk said:
Thanks, yes change happens and I’m thinking it needs to be added to that quote that says, of these we can be certain – death and taxes…seems change would fit in there as well, don’t you think?
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jmgoyder said:
Oh your voice is so wonderful. I don’t have words to describe how amazing this post is – Diana, you astound me with your wisdom. Thanks so much!
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dianasschwenk said:
Thanks for your kind words Julie and believe me the feeling is mutual! xo
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jmgoyder said:
I have been reading your words again and trying to figure my grief out.
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dianasschwenk said:
sigh…grief is grief and you certainly have had your share…and yet you still manage to do the things you need to do – you inspire me…my thoughts and prayers are with you.
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billgncs said:
A lovely post, one of your best. I think we can all learn from it. And a rich voice with that rounded Canadian “o”, did I hear an “eh” ? ( smile )
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dianasschwenk said:
Thank you Bill! I work really hard not to say eh…did I say it?
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billgncs said:
you sounded just right. I needed that after the election!
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dianasschwenk said:
(smiling) glad I could help and working hard to resist the urge to ask some political questions!
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billgncs said:
eh?
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dianasschwenk said:
huh? Right! Those are American right y’all? and if there was more than one of you it’s all y’all, right?
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billgncs said:
🙂
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dianasschwenk said:
I don’t care what they say, I still love Americans!
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billgncs said:
you mean in spite of themselves ? ( smile )
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dianasschwenk said:
because of their heart!
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bulldogsturf said:
Wow the strength of a woman… to adapt is a necessity.. and you certainly seemed to have coped pretty well… Love your voice… but then I just love the American twang as I call it…
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dianasschwenk said:
American twang hahaha! Wonder where I picked that up, having grown up in French Canada and now living in western Canada! Americans think I sound British or Scottish…that whole ute and abute (what they hear when I say out and about) thing and all…Where are you from?
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bulldogsturf said:
South Africa… you definitely sound American… you might struggle to understand me with an Afrikaans accent…
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dianasschwenk said:
I knew a couple from South Africa once, but I think they’d been quite Canadianized by the time I met them and had conversations. 🙂
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bodhisattvaintraining said:
Thank you so much for this post and your wisdom..
I love the photo of the two of you AND the video – hearing your voice ! 🙂
things we cannot change….
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dianasschwenk said:
Thank you my dear! She is my delight!
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Katie said:
“A time of renewal will come”
A perfect thought on change.
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dianasschwenk said:
Thanks Katie!
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