7 Things Dad would want you to know

Tags

believe, caring, children, courage, Dad, death, Diana Schwenk, family, Fear, friends, generosity, grief, growing up, happy, health, Hump Day Chronicles, joy, kids, laughter, life, lifetime, living in the moment, loss, love, memories, Mom, parents, Relationships, sadness, stories, Stuff my parents used to say and do

This post has been sitting in my draft folder since December 2015, just a short month after Dad passed. It hasn’t felt right to publish it until now. ♡

*******

Dear Mom,

I’ve been thinking about you and Dad and our family.

In particular, I’ve been thinking about how Dad and I could just sit in the same room, not saying anything, yet somehow be on the same page. And I’ve been thinking about some of the conversations Dad and I have had over the years and I think there are at least seven things that Dad would want you to know.

I’ve listed them below in the form of a letter to you from Dad.

Meine Liebe Salat Schnecke,

1.       Don’t ever doubt how much I loved you

Remember our Wedding night? It wasn’t a fancy party. We did the best we could though and we had fun right? I can still see you running through the street singing in the middle of the night when you’d had a little too much to drink.

What the neighbours must have thought!

But I didn’t care, you seemed happy and honestly Margot, I may not have been able to express myself well, but that’s what I wanted for you. I always wanted you to be happy.

I knew how hard your life had been, I wanted to show you how good it could be.

Remember when we arrived in Canada and once we got on our feet a bit? You have no idea how happy it made me to see you eat butter, eat at a restaurant, eat fruit and cakes and whatever you could get your hands on. Remember that time I brought a dozen lemon donuts home when you were pregnant and you ate 11 of them? I didn’t mind that there was only one donut left for me.

It made me smile to watch you eat all the foods you missed in your childhood.

2.       Building our family

I know you were scared and so determined that our children would never be harmed like you had been. I was shocked that time you would even think I might hurt them but I grew to understand where this fear came from. I loved our kids – I would have done anything for them, and I think I was able to convince you of that with time, right?

No regrets Margot.  Don’t ever underestimate the value of what we were able to give our kids. Sure we weren’t perfect parents, we made mistakes along the way, but we did everything to the best of our ability for them and I think they turned out pretty good, don’t you?

3.       Our 50^th anniversary

Mom and Dad’s 50th Anniversary

Wasn’t that a fun party, Margot? I was so excited to celebrate with you. You looked so beautiful in that blue dress, I was so proud beside you in my new suit. And look how many friends came to celebrate with us!

And our trip to Germany! Yes Canada was our home now, but how wonderful it was to go to the place where we met and married to celebrate our 50^th.

4.       You were a real handful sometimes

A fighter. A hard worker. You had fire in your eyes!

Yeah there were times I wished you would just calm down, relax a little. Just let go of stuff, but maybe it was your pushing that got us as far as we got. And even when you were angry, I knew it was because you were afraid that things wouldn’t work out – those ghosts from the past were haunting you. I knew that you were fighting for the very best.

And you know what? I think I may have originally been drawn to that about you. You have spunk!

I mean who else would have moved to a new country, not knowing the language to start a new life with me? I chose well. You were the right partner for me.

You worked just as hard as me. Remember our job at that summer camp? Picking apples?  Making hats? And all the other jobs we had until I got that job at Kraft Foods and we bought our first home? And even then you cleaned houses to help out with the expenses. Yes we worked hard for what we built.

5.       Regrets

Maybe I could have been more supportive at times. Like when you were seasick on our voyage to Canada or when you broke your ankle. Maybe I could have told you more how much I appreciated you. I just never was one for words. But make no mistake; I was grateful and I really cared about you, even if I wasn’t very good at saying it.

6.       The last few years

I know how hard it was for you to watch me on the couch in pain. It was hard for me too. I wanted to be healed. And sometimes you made me angry when you pushed so hard for me to get up or exercise. But when I would think about it, I knew you were scared. I knew you meant well.

But the hardest thing, Margot was to see what my poor health was doing to you. You were so brave. That’s why I tried so hard to be brave too. That’s why I tried not to complain even when I couldn’t drive the car anymore. You did everything. I really wish I could have helped around the house more. I was so sure I would get better and things would go back to normal. But I didn’t. I’m so sorry things didn’t work out the way we had hoped. If I had known that I wouldn’t get better, perhaps we could have made arrangements that would have made the last years easier for both of us.

7.       Now that I’m gone

Our last few years together were hard, and I am so thankful for all you did for me. I know you’re sad and that you must grieve – after all we spent 56 years together, one doesn’t get over that quickly. But don’t just remember the last years. Remember the fun times. The family vacations. The German Club New Year’s dances. When I taught you how to drive. Those nights we walked around the block when the kids were in bed.

And don’t grieve too long. There is so much more for you to experience. Spend time with our kids, our grandkids, our wonderful friends. Get back out there doing the stuff you love to do. Simplify your life. Laugh, live and love. Life is far too precious to do otherwise. Grab onto life with both hands and enjoy it as much as you can. And know that when your time comes, I’ll be here, waiting for you.

Dein Mann, Heinz

Advertisement

Somebody Cares

Tags

alone, caring, children, courage, daughters, family, Fear, growing up, kids, kindness, love, memories, only human, passion, shame, strong, vulnerability, weak

The other day, my beautiful daughter, Michaela, posted the letter below on her Facebook page.

If you are in your tweens/teens and feel alone, please know that you are not the first to feel like you don’t quite measure up. Things will probably get better and the things you’re learning now are making you stronger.

If you are the parent of a tween/teen remind them every day how much you love them and not just because they’re you’re kid and you have to, but because he or she is a beautiful person worthy of love.

Dear 12-year-old Michaela,

The first thing I want you to know is no matter how alone you feel right now, no matter how much you think nobody cares, your mom is your best friend and she gets you.

Being chubby is not the end of the world. I’m sorry that your peers seem to think it is. Fat does not equal ugly. Being mean and cruel is ugly. You are beautiful.

I know something really bad just happened to you. I know you’re scared. I know you are ashamed. Talk about it. Tell people. Talk to a counsellor. It’s not your fault. I promise you it’s not your fault.

I know you think you’ll never be one of the pretty girls. You are a pretty girl. Nobody needs to tell you. You have a beautiful heart, and soul and your outsides are beautiful too. Stop comparing yourself to them. You’re nothing like them.

Not everyone is going to like you, and that is so far beyond ok. It’s nothing you did. I know how hard you’re trying but sometimes people just don’t click. Michaela, let it go.
The sooner you learn to love yourself and that you are worthy of love, the happier you will be. It’s hard, it’s so so hard. But it’s coming.

Don’t feel ashamed for talking to a therapist. They are there to help you and everyone should. Shit gets hard, Michaela. You’re not weak, you’re human. Don’t be afraid to move. It’s not going to be perfect but so much good will come out of it, it doesn’t even matter.

Tell people you love them. It’s not lame. If you feel it, say it. It will change people and people will love you for it. Don’t ever be afraid to love.

Be proud of who you are, Michaela. You’re good enough. In fact, you’re so far beyond just enough. You are kind, and generous and sweet. You have so much love to give. Give it. It will come back in waves.

Never stop playing sports. I know there will be a time where it feels like you don’t even have time to breathe, but when you get that time back, get back to it.

On the same note, never stop doing what you love. Don’t let anyone’s darkness steal your passion. Your passion and joy is amazing. It isn’t lame. Screw anyone who says it is.

12-year-old me, I love you. I’m so sorry it’s so hard right now. I’m sorry you feel alone but people love you. You have no idea how good it’s going to get so please don’t be afraid. You are so beautiful. You are worthy. You are amazing. I love you, girl. It’s going to be ok.

Thank you Michaela for allowing me to share your beautiful letter on my blog. I hope it will help someone else to not feel so alone and hopeless.

Love you kiddo,

MOM ❤

~ HUMP DAY CHRONICLES ~

Paradise

Tags

200 words, caring, community, Diana Schwenk, Diana's Enormous Book of Quotes, family, friends, happy, health, important things, kids, laughter, life, living in the moment, love, memories, Relationships

This morning, with her, having coffee.

Johnny Cash, when asked his definition of paradise

Brilliant. So simple, yet so true. That’s what I thought when I first read this quote on my Twitter feed a few days ago.

Johnny Cash got it.

He understood.

It’s funny how paradise can turn out to be something completely different from what we thought it would be. That what we think we want is nowhere close to what we end up cherishing.

How often do we tell ourselves that when we get that promotion, when we finally can afford a house in a particular area, when who we are becomes a household name, we will have arrived? It will be like paradise.

We don’t always know what we treasure until it is lost to us. One only has to look back to realize that “those days we sat drinking coffee with whomever, while the rising sun’s rays spilled onto the kitchen table” were the best times of our lives.

It really is the people whom we love in life that make it feel as though we’re living in paradise or said more plainly – mean the very most to us.

~ DIANA’S ENORMOUS BOOK OF QUOTES ~

Meeting Half Way

Tags

Alberta, Calgary, Canada, children, Diana Schwenk, Edmonton, family, happy, humour, Hump Day Chronicles, kids, laughter, life, living in the moment, love, memories, Red Deer, Relationships, Tourist in my own city

On Saturday morning I got up at the crack of when-I-was-good-and-ready. I made myself some coffee and managed to get out the door and into my car by 9:30AM to go to downtown Red Deer, Alberta where I would meet up with Michaela and Werner.

Upon arriving in Red Deer, I quickly found a parking lot on 48th Street and it was free to boot, thank-you-very-much and walked the four blocks to Hudson’s Pub where we had agreed to meet. We enjoyed a nice lunch and then headed out the door to walk the streets of downtown.

But first we picked up Werner’s truck and drove it to the lot I was parked in. Werner had recently gifted Michaela with a guitar and she’d brought it so I could see it. It’s been a long time since I have played; and I never really learned to play well, but I had to try it out. Then Michaela played two songs for us. I’d forgotten what a beautiful singing voice she has.

Seriously Michaela, you need to get out there and start busking for twonies while you’re waiting to hear back from all those places you’ve applied to!

For the umpteenth time – I AM NOT A HIPPY!

I made Michaela and Werner pose for this picture. People like that kind of thing, right?

We were actually surprised (sorry Red Deer) at how cool and quaint and well laid out downtown is. There are statues throughout the downtown area that they call ghosts. They tell the story of Red Deer. One of them has good ole Reverend Gaetz, founder of Red Deer sitting on a bench. Another is a wagon hitched to spooked horses. Another is a child feeding scraps to a dog.

Michaela got all google-eyed at the Reverend

Whoa there Nelly!

They have parking meters… and dance!

Thanks for holding my foot Rev

Peek-a-boo

Werner is…I don’t know what he’s doing here.

And just as the video I featured on last week’s post boasts there are many shops, benches and trees! We passed an ice-cream store vowing to come back after our tour of downtown to have one. Sadly when we went back they were closed, so we opted for iced coffee on a sidewalk café patio.

Our coffee time quickly became an adventure when the gorgeous sky suddenly turned dark and a gale force wind pushed through town. We helped the Café owner close the sun umbrellas that threatened to blow right out of their stands before rushing to the truck to figure out our next move.

Michaela pulled out her trusty iPhone while remarking, sarcastically I might add, what a fine example of modern technology my BlackBerry Q10 is, to google ‘what to do in downtown Red Deer.’ I could mention that her so-called superior iPhone is the one that took all the itty bitty, low resolution photos above, but that kind of tit-for-tat discourse would be childish and is below me.

Anyway, we settled on visiting the local art museum. Werner drove us there, past the 10,000 Villages store, past the bus depot, past the Spray Park that we’d visited earlier on foot, to the museum.

What a cool museum! It tells the stories of the early settlers in very creative ways and has interactive activities for kids, or adults if you happen to be us.

A game we played while learning Red Deer’s history. Werner lost badly. Sorry Werner…

Red Deer is almost exactly half way between Calgary and Edmonton

By the time we got out of the museum it was sunny again. We hugged out our goodbyes and headed back to our respective homes.

Hey Michaela, that was a lot of fun. We should meet up in downtown Red Deer more often so I don’t have to miss you so much. What do you say kiddo?

~ HUMP DAY CHRONICLES ~

What’s your favourite not-too-far place to catch up with family friends?

 

Making a Big Deal Out of Nothing

Tags

Alberta, attitude, Calgary, children, Diana Schwenk, Disneyland, Edmonton, family, friends, Gratitude, growing up, happy, humour, joy, kids, laughter, living in the moment, Red Deer, Relationships, Tourist in my own city

Michaela and me the last time she visited Calgary

I’m not being a Negative Nancy here. It’s not about turning a minor incident into a major catastrophe.

I’m talking about making a big deal out of nothing in a positive way; taking a mediocre event and turning into a really good time.

So I guess I’m being more of an Optimistic Olga or a Gratitude Gertrude.

Like when my daughter Michaela was little and I built up a trip to Shopper’s Drugmart to the equivalent of going to Disneyland.

One’s attitude can go a long way in determining how you experience things.

You choose:

Do you roll your eyes and just endure it? Or do you have the time of your life?

My daughter lives a 3 1/2 hour drive north of Calgary where I live, in a small town called Camrose, 45 minutes east of Edmonton. When I visit her or she visits me, which isn’t very often, it includes at least one sleepover, we DO have lots of fun. But it usually works out to only spending 5 or 6 hours together in a two-day period.

So we came up with a plan, one that took way too long for us to figure out, I might add.

This Saturday, we’re going to meet up in Red Deer to spend the day together and then both of us will drive back to our individual homes. You see, Red Deer is half way between Calgary and Edmonton, Alberta’s two major cities. Red Deer is small compared to these two metropolitans, in fact Red Deer only has a little over 10% of either city’s population.

But just like the long ago Shopper’s Drugmart adventures, we aim to spend a fun-filled time in Red Deer.

In preparation for this adventure, I needed to find out if Red Deer even has a downtown area and by golly they do, as seen in the promo video I found on YouTube below.

Trust me, you want to watch this video!

We plan to visit all the featured places in the above video and maybe even find some other hidden Red Deer gems!

I will share our adventure with you next week right here on TALKTODIANA

Stay tuned you don’t want to miss it!  😉

~ HUMP DAY CHRONICLES ~

When’s the last time you made a big deal out of nothing?

 

Happy Mother’s Day Mom!

Tags

200 words, children, Diana Schwenk, Diana's Enormous Book of Quotes, family, growing up, happy, health, integrity, joy, kids, kindness, life, love, memories, Mom, Mother's Day, parents, Relationships, Stuff my parents used to say and do

Margot with Diana

No language can express the power, and beauty, and heroism, and majesty of a mother’s love. It shrinks not where man cowers, and grows stronger where man faints, and over wastes of worldly fortunes sends the radiance of its quenchless fidelity like a star.

Edwin Hubbell Chapin

For making our lives a 1000 times better than yours had been.

For baking a European-quality cake every Sunday and feeding it to us for breakfast with a vitamin every morning.

For preparing delicious home-cooked meals every day and cooking our favourite meal on our birthdays.

For reading to us every night. For singing ‘You are my Sunshine.’ For brushing my hair while we watched TV. For helping us with our homework. For teaching us manners, good work ethic, respect, honesty and integrity.

For making sure that we went on outings to get fresh air by visiting the zoo, going on a picnic, going to the park, going to the beach, going on a bike ride, taking a walk and so many other things. Things that you did not experience as a child.

For all these things and more, thank you and Happy Mother’s Day Mom!

~ DIANA’S ENORMOUS BOOK OF QUOTES ~

Growing Up in the 70s

Tags

Canada, Chateauguay, Diana Schwenk, family, friends, growing up, happy, health, Hump Day Chronicles, joy, kids, life, living in the moment, love, memories, Montreal, parents, Quebec, Relationships

My childhood home on Google Instant Street View

I was recently reminded how fortunate I was to grow up in the seventies because of a Facebook page I was invited to join called Chateauguay in the 70’s. It’s been a real treat to catch up with some of the folks I grew up with and learn what they’ve been up to.

We’ve discussed everything from who remembers their old phone number to where everyone lives now and what they do for a living.

The other day, I checked out my childhood home on Instant Street View, shared it on the Chateauguay in the 70s page and suggested others do the same. Many did and some even compared instant street view with photos from when they lived there decades ago. After posting it to my brother’s page (above photo), I took a virtual walk around my old neighbourhood.

It took me right back to my childhood. You should try it!

I used to get on my bike, go around the block and pick up Theresa, then the two of us would ride to Gloria’s house, pick her up. Go play in Maple Park for a bit, go to Cam’s and get a cherry coke and hickory sticks. Maybe ride down to the Chateauguay River, sit on the bank, talk about stuff while lazily tossing rocks into the river or take off our shoes, roll up our pant legs and cool our feet.

I remember cutting through the field, walking the back way to the Chateauguay Shopping Centre, getting greasy fries in a paper bag, adding salt and vinegar and shaking it up, buying farmer sausages at Buster’s for a buck and eating them on the way home, joining in on skipping games at the end of my street…

Blue bells, cockle shells, Evie, ivy, over.  I like coffee.  I like tea.  I like the boys  and the boys like me.  yes, no, maybe so,  yes, no, maybe so…

Hopscotch, Red Rover, Frozen Tag, Mother May I, Hide and Seek, Trick or Treat, Cowboys and Indians, building forts, street chalk art, fire crackers, footsie, belly laughing, roller skating, mall walking, singing and dancing.

Often we went out after breakfast and sometimes we didn’t come home till supper. Those were the days. Outside was our playground. We never ran out of stuff to do.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

~ HUMP DAY CHRONICLES ~

What was your favourite childhood activity? Which decade did you grow up in?

There Are Worse Things Than My Report Card

Tags

Diana Schwenk, Don't sweat the small stuff, family, growing up, happy, health, Hump Day Chronicles, kids, life, living in the moment, memories, parents, Relationships, teenagers

I found the story below in my files yesterday.

I first came across it when Michaela was about 15 or 16 years old and kept it as a reminder to me, not to sweat the small stuff.

I wasn’t always successful, so I had to continually tell myself there are worse things than a bad report card, purple hair, or a messy bedroom.

I hope you enjoy the story as much as I do, especially if you’re the parent of a teenager!

A mother passing by her son’s bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to ‘mom.’

With the worst premonition she opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.

Dear mom:

It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with you.

I have been finding real passion with Stacy since I met her last month and she is so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it’s not only the passion…mom she’s pregnant.

Stacy said that we will be very happy.

She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone. We’ll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for crack and ecstasy. In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it. Don’t worry mom. I’m 15 and I know how to take care of myself.

Someday I’m sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love, Your Son John

PS. mom, none of the above is true. I’m over at Tommy’s house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card in my center desk drawer.

I love you. Call me when it’s safe to come home.

moral of story: It could always be worse

~ HUMP DAY CHRONICLES ~

Happy 77th Birthday Mom!

Tags

Berlin, Birthday, Canada, children, family, Germany, growing up, happy, joy, kids, laughter, life, Life's like that, living in the moment, love, memories, Mom, parents, Relationships, Stuff my parents used to say and do

Mom as a little girl with her mother

The oldest of six children, mom was born in Berlin, Germany the year WWII started.

Not an ideal childhood, but there were those special moments with her favourite grandparents, those rare moments where she could enjoy a piece of chocolate and the hospital stays that made her want to be a nurse.

And then the family years. Getting married. Having children of her own. Making a new and better life in Canada.

I have many memories growing up, like when Mom would tear around the house looking for her rat tail comb so she could finish setting her hair in rollers; all the while the comb was safely fixed in between the rows of curlers on her head.

Or how she’d barely be in the door after work and we’d all be like, “what’s for supper?” She’d sing to us, with us, read to us, take care of us when we were sick, threaten us with the wooden spoon to make us eat porridge, bake a cake every Sunday and feed it to us for breakfast with a vitamin.

And oh those cleaning days on Saturday, stripping, washing and waxing the floor, dragging the mattresses downstairs and beating them on the balcony, vacuuming, dusting, filling the sink with water to wash all the knick  knacks, washing the laundry in the wringer washing machine and hanging the laundry on the line – cleaning day was like boot camp!

Waiting up for me when I came home past curfew; lights flicking on blinding me, asking where I’ve been, why I was late, did I have any idea how worried she’d been? what was I thinking? Never mind, just get to bed! And by the way, you’re grounded for the summer – which never really panned out because grounding me meant I’d be around all the time and I was quite the pain in the ass!

Cooking our favourite meal, making our favourite cake on our birthdays, always motivated by wanting to be the kind of mother she had wanted to have as a child.

Wish I could cook for you today Mom. Wish I could bake your favourite cake. Wish we didn’t live so far apart.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Happy Birthday Mom. I know you don’t feel like celebrating and I understand. But you are worth celebrating. I am grateful for you and I hope you have some moments of joy today.

With love, Diana

Do You Remember Your Childhood Dream?

Tags

childhood, Diana Schwenk, dreams, family, growing up, Hump Day Chronicles, job, kids, memories, Mom, parents, passion, Purpose, Stuff my parents used to say and do

Mom dreamt of being a nurse

THE VERY FIRST DREAM I can remember having for my life was to be a rancher. I loved and wanted to be around horses. I imagined a picturesque piece of land with a quaint house, beautiful trees, a  river running out back and pastures filled with horses as far as the eye could see.

Other dreams I entertained included: being a veterinarian, psychiatrist, and the first female Prime Minister in Canada.

Needless to say, I did not become any of those things.

We can usually recall our own childhood dreams, but how many of us know what our parents dreamt of being?

It’s funny how most of us can’t even imagine our parents before our birth. It’s as if they never were children, didn’t exist before us at all.

Recently, Mom shared her childhood dream with me.

My mom grew up in Berlin during WWII. Some of her best memories include having to be hospitalized because she’d lost a good deal of her hearing due to ear infections. It was a time before Penicillin and so her ear infections resulted in damaged ear drums.

It was also a time of not enough food, or clothing, or warmth in the winter. And so staying in a hospital – even with a painful ear infection and in spite of significant hearing loss – was amazing and came with one’s own bed, three meals per day and nurses caring for you around the clock.

And so my mom dreamt of being a nurse. Someone who could care for children and make them feel as good as the nurses of her childhood made her feel.

~ HUMP DAY CHRONICLES ~

What was your childhood dream? Did you achieve it? Do you know what your parents’ dreams were?