7 Things Dad would want you to know

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believe, caring, children, courage, Dad, death, Diana Schwenk, family, Fear, friends, generosity, grief, growing up, happy, health, Hump Day Chronicles, joy, kids, laughter, life, lifetime, living in the moment, loss, love, memories, Mom, parents, Relationships, sadness, stories, Stuff my parents used to say and do

This post has been sitting in my draft folder since December 2015, just a short month after Dad passed. It hasn’t felt right to publish it until now. ♡

*******

Dear Mom,

I’ve been thinking about you and Dad and our family.

In particular, I’ve been thinking about how Dad and I could just sit in the same room, not saying anything, yet somehow be on the same page. And I’ve been thinking about some of the conversations Dad and I have had over the years and I think there are at least seven things that Dad would want you to know.

I’ve listed them below in the form of a letter to you from Dad.

Meine Liebe Salat Schnecke,

1.       Don’t ever doubt how much I loved you

Remember our Wedding night? It wasn’t a fancy party. We did the best we could though and we had fun right? I can still see you running through the street singing in the middle of the night when you’d had a little too much to drink.

What the neighbours must have thought!

But I didn’t care, you seemed happy and honestly Margot, I may not have been able to express myself well, but that’s what I wanted for you. I always wanted you to be happy.

I knew how hard your life had been, I wanted to show you how good it could be.

Remember when we arrived in Canada and once we got on our feet a bit? You have no idea how happy it made me to see you eat butter, eat at a restaurant, eat fruit and cakes and whatever you could get your hands on. Remember that time I brought a dozen lemon donuts home when you were pregnant and you ate 11 of them? I didn’t mind that there was only one donut left for me.

It made me smile to watch you eat all the foods you missed in your childhood.

2.       Building our family

I know you were scared and so determined that our children would never be harmed like you had been. I was shocked that time you would even think I might hurt them but I grew to understand where this fear came from. I loved our kids – I would have done anything for them, and I think I was able to convince you of that with time, right?

No regrets Margot.  Don’t ever underestimate the value of what we were able to give our kids. Sure we weren’t perfect parents, we made mistakes along the way, but we did everything to the best of our ability for them and I think they turned out pretty good, don’t you?

3.       Our 50^th anniversary

Mom and Dad’s 50th Anniversary

Wasn’t that a fun party, Margot? I was so excited to celebrate with you. You looked so beautiful in that blue dress, I was so proud beside you in my new suit. And look how many friends came to celebrate with us!

And our trip to Germany! Yes Canada was our home now, but how wonderful it was to go to the place where we met and married to celebrate our 50^th.

4.       You were a real handful sometimes

A fighter. A hard worker. You had fire in your eyes!

Yeah there were times I wished you would just calm down, relax a little. Just let go of stuff, but maybe it was your pushing that got us as far as we got. And even when you were angry, I knew it was because you were afraid that things wouldn’t work out – those ghosts from the past were haunting you. I knew that you were fighting for the very best.

And you know what? I think I may have originally been drawn to that about you. You have spunk!

I mean who else would have moved to a new country, not knowing the language to start a new life with me? I chose well. You were the right partner for me.

You worked just as hard as me. Remember our job at that summer camp? Picking apples?  Making hats? And all the other jobs we had until I got that job at Kraft Foods and we bought our first home? And even then you cleaned houses to help out with the expenses. Yes we worked hard for what we built.

5.       Regrets

Maybe I could have been more supportive at times. Like when you were seasick on our voyage to Canada or when you broke your ankle. Maybe I could have told you more how much I appreciated you. I just never was one for words. But make no mistake; I was grateful and I really cared about you, even if I wasn’t very good at saying it.

6.       The last few years

I know how hard it was for you to watch me on the couch in pain. It was hard for me too. I wanted to be healed. And sometimes you made me angry when you pushed so hard for me to get up or exercise. But when I would think about it, I knew you were scared. I knew you meant well.

But the hardest thing, Margot was to see what my poor health was doing to you. You were so brave. That’s why I tried so hard to be brave too. That’s why I tried not to complain even when I couldn’t drive the car anymore. You did everything. I really wish I could have helped around the house more. I was so sure I would get better and things would go back to normal. But I didn’t. I’m so sorry things didn’t work out the way we had hoped. If I had known that I wouldn’t get better, perhaps we could have made arrangements that would have made the last years easier for both of us.

7.       Now that I’m gone

Our last few years together were hard, and I am so thankful for all you did for me. I know you’re sad and that you must grieve – after all we spent 56 years together, one doesn’t get over that quickly. But don’t just remember the last years. Remember the fun times. The family vacations. The German Club New Year’s dances. When I taught you how to drive. Those nights we walked around the block when the kids were in bed.

And don’t grieve too long. There is so much more for you to experience. Spend time with our kids, our grandkids, our wonderful friends. Get back out there doing the stuff you love to do. Simplify your life. Laugh, live and love. Life is far too precious to do otherwise. Grab onto life with both hands and enjoy it as much as you can. And know that when your time comes, I’ll be here, waiting for you.

Dein Mann, Heinz

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Family

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caring, children, courage, daughters, Diana Schwenk, Diana's Enormous Book of Quotes, family, Garden, gardening, grief, growing up, joy, kindness, laughter, life, Life's like that, living in the moment, love, parents, Relationships, sorrow

Family. Where life begins and love never ends.

where we share sorrows and joys and learn and grow

where we fight and hurt and laugh and heal

where we challenge each other, irritate, and rub each other the wrong way

where we encourage, embolden, inspire and build each other up

where we run away from for independence and run to for comfort when we are afraid or overwhelmed

where we make tough decisions with tough love and hold each other up

where we weather the storms and bask in the warmth of sunny days as one

where even those who are no longer with us still teach us.

where no matter what we do or where we go, we always belong to our family

I just got back from visiting family back east and here are some snippets of my trip.

And Every day Mom checks in with her flowers; pruning, watering, caring for…

not so different from how we grow and care for each other in our families…

 

~ DIANA’S ENORMOUS BOOK OF QUOTES ~

What does family mean to you?

 

 

 

 

 

Somebody Cares

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alone, caring, children, courage, daughters, family, Fear, growing up, kids, kindness, love, memories, only human, passion, shame, strong, vulnerability, weak

The other day, my beautiful daughter, Michaela, posted the letter below on her Facebook page.

If you are in your tweens/teens and feel alone, please know that you are not the first to feel like you don’t quite measure up. Things will probably get better and the things you’re learning now are making you stronger.

If you are the parent of a tween/teen remind them every day how much you love them and not just because they’re you’re kid and you have to, but because he or she is a beautiful person worthy of love.

Dear 12-year-old Michaela,

The first thing I want you to know is no matter how alone you feel right now, no matter how much you think nobody cares, your mom is your best friend and she gets you.

Being chubby is not the end of the world. I’m sorry that your peers seem to think it is. Fat does not equal ugly. Being mean and cruel is ugly. You are beautiful.

I know something really bad just happened to you. I know you’re scared. I know you are ashamed. Talk about it. Tell people. Talk to a counsellor. It’s not your fault. I promise you it’s not your fault.

I know you think you’ll never be one of the pretty girls. You are a pretty girl. Nobody needs to tell you. You have a beautiful heart, and soul and your outsides are beautiful too. Stop comparing yourself to them. You’re nothing like them.

Not everyone is going to like you, and that is so far beyond ok. It’s nothing you did. I know how hard you’re trying but sometimes people just don’t click. Michaela, let it go.
The sooner you learn to love yourself and that you are worthy of love, the happier you will be. It’s hard, it’s so so hard. But it’s coming.

Don’t feel ashamed for talking to a therapist. They are there to help you and everyone should. Shit gets hard, Michaela. You’re not weak, you’re human. Don’t be afraid to move. It’s not going to be perfect but so much good will come out of it, it doesn’t even matter.

Tell people you love them. It’s not lame. If you feel it, say it. It will change people and people will love you for it. Don’t ever be afraid to love.

Be proud of who you are, Michaela. You’re good enough. In fact, you’re so far beyond just enough. You are kind, and generous and sweet. You have so much love to give. Give it. It will come back in waves.

Never stop playing sports. I know there will be a time where it feels like you don’t even have time to breathe, but when you get that time back, get back to it.

On the same note, never stop doing what you love. Don’t let anyone’s darkness steal your passion. Your passion and joy is amazing. It isn’t lame. Screw anyone who says it is.

12-year-old me, I love you. I’m so sorry it’s so hard right now. I’m sorry you feel alone but people love you. You have no idea how good it’s going to get so please don’t be afraid. You are so beautiful. You are worthy. You are amazing. I love you, girl. It’s going to be ok.

Thank you Michaela for allowing me to share your beautiful letter on my blog. I hope it will help someone else to not feel so alone and hopeless.

Love you kiddo,

MOM ❤

~ HUMP DAY CHRONICLES ~

The Slippers

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children, Dad, Diana Schwenk, family, grief, growing up, Hump Day Chronicles, life, Life's like that, loss, love, memories, parents, Relationships, Stuff my parents used to say and do

 

I have an old, ugly pair of slippers from Wal-Mart.  They make a click-clack noise. The same kind of click-clack noise Dad’s favourite slippers used to make when he walked across the kitchen floor.

*******

Winter 2012

Michaela and I went back east to spend Christmas with family. Dad was wearing those slippers and click-clacking across the floor. The noise drove Mom crazy. The next time Dad reached for those slippers after a trip into Hawkesbury, they were gone.

In the garbage.

Mom had had enough.

So me and Michaela went to the Fairview Shopping Centre in Pointe Claire and found a pair of slippers for Dad at Old Navy. We’d intentionally picked silent slippers to avoid that click-clacking sound. We couldn’t wait to give them to Dad for Christmas. On Christmas Eve we handed the wrapped slippers to him. He opened the package and angrily tossed the slippers to the side. 

“I hate them.”

They weren’t his well-worn favourite slippers and they weren’t the kind you could just slip on either. You had to bend down and stick your finger in the back to get them on.

*******

How I wish you were still with us Dad, so we could get you the perfect slippers.

The kind you wouldn’t have to struggle to get on.

The kind you could just slip your feet into.

The kind that would click-clack across the kitchen floor and drive Mom crazy and cause that smile of defiant satisfaction to tug at the corners of your mouth…

~ HUMP DAY CHRONICLES ~

Bad Roads, Easter Visit And Beauty Makeovers

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Alberta, children, daughter, Diana Schwenk, Easter, family, friends, Hump Day Chronicles, laughter, Life's like that, living in the moment, love, Makeover, makeup, Michaela, Michaela's Beauty Warriors, Relationships, Rosalind, Spring

This past weekend, my daughter and I thought it a fine idea to spend Easter together at hers and her boyfriend, Werner’s place in Rosalind, Alberta.

The morning I was to drive out there, we talked on the phone about how bad the secondary roads were due to snow and we decided to meet in Camrose for dinner and then drive to the farm together afterward, in case my car got stuck.

Well as luck would have it, the roads were not as bad as we thought they would be and I arrived earlier than anticipated, too early for dinner, so we met at the Paint Pottery where I painted a mug, Werner painted an elephant and Michaela painted two plates. I can’t wait to see the finished products after they’re glazed and baked!

After dinner we headed out to the farm and parked my car about a kilometer away from the house at the old school because the muddy gravel road that leads to the farm-house would surely have swallowed up my little Toyota Tercel.

It was a wonderful weekend that included a stunning makeover for me by Michaela, a not-so-stunning, but fun as heck, makeover for Michaela by me and Werner, and a wonderful Easter meal shared by me, Michaela, Werner and his parents Claudia and Manfred.

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Michaela and Werner, thank you so much for hosting me this Easter, it was so good to see you again!

~ HUMP DAY CHRONICLES ~

For more Easter fun, check out me and Werner doing Michaela’s makeover on the link below!

https://www.facebook.com/plugins/video.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2F100010097341891%2Fvideos%2F442868522726389%2F&show_text=0&width=560

And, oh if you like makeup, you might want to head over here https://www.facebook.com/groups/1295392280541774/ and check out Michaela’s Beauty Warriors page. She really knows her stuff!

The Ring With The Blue Stone

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children, Dad, death, Diana Schwenk, family, foundation, gift, good character, grief, growing up, History, Hump Day Chronicles, lessons, life, Life's like that, love, memories, Mom, parenting, safe, Stuff my parents used to say and do, values

My parents in 1960 and the ring with the blue stone

When you want to build something, you start with a good foundation. When you want to understand something, you start with the fundamental pillars of the subject. In other words, you learn the history, the mechanics of it, the whys and whats and wheres.

In the same way,  when you feel lost, it helps to go back to where you began so you can remember where you came from, what you have learned about this business of living, what you truly long for in life, and how you can get it and how you can share your gifts with the world. Sometimes you grab onto a symbol of the past and carry it with you like a talisman that you can look at, or touch when you need to be grounded.

Since Dad passed away, I’ve been in kind of a fog. I got the basics covered, you know…  I wake up, brush my teeth, shower, dress, exercise, go to work, eat, go to bed and start it all over again the next day. 

But I’ve lost a bit of my oomph.

A bit of my zest for life.

Dad was always my rock.

He had this way of making me feel secure and letting me know that he was there for me, no matter what.

My Plan B, if Plan A should fail.

Although I rarely resorted to Plan B, I knew I could if I had to, I knew it was there if I needed it.  

This past New Year’s Eve, as I was deciding which piece of jewelry to wear for an event I was attending, I came across the ring with the blue stone. The ring that cost forty dollars in 1960 and took Dad several weeks of saving so he could buy it for Mom to celebrate their first anniversary.

Dad was so upset when Mom gave me that ring almost thirty years later. But I’m so glad she did, so I could find it on the last day of 2016 and slip it on my finger. And with the wearing of it, remember the values he taught me and the traits he exemplified; like a good work ethic, empathy, diplomacy, loyalty and strength of character.  

What a gift!

What a great foundation from which to find my way again!

~ HUMP DAY CHRONICLES ~

2016 Was A Bad Year???

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being in the now, being present, blessings, children, community, compassion, Diana Schwenk, family, friends, happy, health, Hump Day Chronicles, living in the moment, love, memories, New Year, parents, Purpose, Relationships

It seems to me that I was bombarded with the message of the title of this post continually leading up to 2017.

And I guess I understand why, given over 130 well-known people died in 2016, including Canada’s much-loved Leonard Cohen, who incidentally was born in the same year as my much loved father, and given our Albertan economy has taken a nose dive and many people employed  in oil and gas have lost their jobs. I’m sure you have similar or perhaps worse stories you could share from your corner of the world.

But I can’t help thinking that compared to others; we’re doing well here in Canada.

I mean considering the events in other parts of the world, I am fairly certain that ninety-something per cent of the world’s population would gladly change places with almost anyone in our country, knowing their lives would be greatly improved.

That’s why it’s important for me to be grateful for the blessings, large and small, that made up my daily experience in 2016.

On a personal level, these blessings include that more and more when I remember Dad, it brings a smile to my face instead of tears. That although my family is spread out, we’ve all worked harder to connect more often. That with much practice, I am learning to be more present in the moment; to give the person or situation in front of me my full attention – something I will continue to work on in 2017.

Professionally, I’ve seen that our work to engage the community has started to show evidence of authentic and mutually beneficial relationships. People are wanting to be, and becoming involved on many levels of our organization, making a huge difference in the lives of men and women who are in recovery, while hopefully also increasing their own sense of purpose and meaning.

I hope that you too, can find your blessings in the past year when you look back. Here are just a few of mine in the photo gallery below.

A selfie by my brother’s pool

Visit from Germany

Old stomping grounds

Visiting the house I grew up in

soccer!

A visit from down under

A Corpus Christi Christmas

YYC Rocks for Sobriety

Ride for Refuge

Remembering Josee

Christmas 2016

New Year’s Eve

~ HUMP DAY CHRONICLES ~

Wishing you and yours a blessed 2017 filled with moments you can treasure for a lifetime.

Diana xo

Thanksgiving in Rosalind

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Alberta, Calgary, Camrose Alberta, Canada, children, daughter, Diana Schwenk, driving, family, friends, fun, generosity, grateful, growing up, laughter, living in the moment, love, parents, Relationships, Rosalind, thankful, Thanksgiving, turkey

Just how great was Thanksgiving in Rosalind, Alberta?

Glad you asked!

I have to admit that I was a bit nervous about driving to Rosalind by myself on Saturday because many of the roads I needed to travel on are so barren and have no cell service. But in spite of the cold, fog with iffy visibility and snow, it was a rather pleasant drive.

Seeing as this was my first visit there, Michaela met me at the Rosalind School parking lot so I could follow her on the gravel secondary highway eight-hundred-and-something to hers and Werner’s long driveway about 1 kilometer from the school.

We turned the corner on the driveway at around 4:30PM revealing the cutest little farm-house and property. It really is too bad that it got cold and snowed so early this year, I would have loved to have walked around the property a bit. But it was that wet kind of cold, you know? The kind that chills you to the bone in just minutes.

Anyway, after settling in, enjoying a nice cup of coffee and playing a few rounds of Macke Been, Werner drove us to the Brew House in Camrose for dinner. After dinner, we headed back to the farm-house, played a few more games, chatted about this and that and turned in early. I slept like a baby!

The next morning, Michaela made us a wonderful breakfast before starting all the food prep and cooking for the Thanksgiving dinner. We all helped out here and there, but for the most part, Michaela had it all under control. There would be five for dinner. Me, Michaela, Werner and his mom and dad, Claudia and Manfred, who I would be meeting for the first time.

It was fun.

Lots of laughter, lots of story-sharing and playful banter.

And what a feast it was, especially since this was the very first dinner party, Michaela had ever hosted!

So just how great was Thanksgiving in Rosalind, Alberta?

it was so great that I forgot to take pictures!

~ HUMP DAY CHRONICLES ~

And how did you spend Thanksgiving? And what did you non-Canadians do this past weekend?

Meeting Half Way

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Alberta, Calgary, Canada, children, Diana Schwenk, Edmonton, family, happy, humour, Hump Day Chronicles, kids, laughter, life, living in the moment, love, memories, Red Deer, Relationships, Tourist in my own city

On Saturday morning I got up at the crack of when-I-was-good-and-ready. I made myself some coffee and managed to get out the door and into my car by 9:30AM to go to downtown Red Deer, Alberta where I would meet up with Michaela and Werner.

Upon arriving in Red Deer, I quickly found a parking lot on 48th Street and it was free to boot, thank-you-very-much and walked the four blocks to Hudson’s Pub where we had agreed to meet. We enjoyed a nice lunch and then headed out the door to walk the streets of downtown.

But first we picked up Werner’s truck and drove it to the lot I was parked in. Werner had recently gifted Michaela with a guitar and she’d brought it so I could see it. It’s been a long time since I have played; and I never really learned to play well, but I had to try it out. Then Michaela played two songs for us. I’d forgotten what a beautiful singing voice she has.

Seriously Michaela, you need to get out there and start busking for twonies while you’re waiting to hear back from all those places you’ve applied to!

For the umpteenth time – I AM NOT A HIPPY!

I made Michaela and Werner pose for this picture. People like that kind of thing, right?

We were actually surprised (sorry Red Deer) at how cool and quaint and well laid out downtown is. There are statues throughout the downtown area that they call ghosts. They tell the story of Red Deer. One of them has good ole Reverend Gaetz, founder of Red Deer sitting on a bench. Another is a wagon hitched to spooked horses. Another is a child feeding scraps to a dog.

Michaela got all google-eyed at the Reverend

Whoa there Nelly!

They have parking meters… and dance!

Thanks for holding my foot Rev

Peek-a-boo

Werner is…I don’t know what he’s doing here.

And just as the video I featured on last week’s post boasts there are many shops, benches and trees! We passed an ice-cream store vowing to come back after our tour of downtown to have one. Sadly when we went back they were closed, so we opted for iced coffee on a sidewalk café patio.

Our coffee time quickly became an adventure when the gorgeous sky suddenly turned dark and a gale force wind pushed through town. We helped the Café owner close the sun umbrellas that threatened to blow right out of their stands before rushing to the truck to figure out our next move.

Michaela pulled out her trusty iPhone while remarking, sarcastically I might add, what a fine example of modern technology my BlackBerry Q10 is, to google ‘what to do in downtown Red Deer.’ I could mention that her so-called superior iPhone is the one that took all the itty bitty, low resolution photos above, but that kind of tit-for-tat discourse would be childish and is below me.

Anyway, we settled on visiting the local art museum. Werner drove us there, past the 10,000 Villages store, past the bus depot, past the Spray Park that we’d visited earlier on foot, to the museum.

What a cool museum! It tells the stories of the early settlers in very creative ways and has interactive activities for kids, or adults if you happen to be us.

A game we played while learning Red Deer’s history. Werner lost badly. Sorry Werner…

Red Deer is almost exactly half way between Calgary and Edmonton

By the time we got out of the museum it was sunny again. We hugged out our goodbyes and headed back to our respective homes.

Hey Michaela, that was a lot of fun. We should meet up in downtown Red Deer more often so I don’t have to miss you so much. What do you say kiddo?

~ HUMP DAY CHRONICLES ~

What’s your favourite not-too-far place to catch up with family friends?

 

Making a Big Deal Out of Nothing

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Alberta, attitude, Calgary, children, Diana Schwenk, Disneyland, Edmonton, family, friends, Gratitude, growing up, happy, humour, joy, kids, laughter, living in the moment, Red Deer, Relationships, Tourist in my own city

Michaela and me the last time she visited Calgary

I’m not being a Negative Nancy here. It’s not about turning a minor incident into a major catastrophe.

I’m talking about making a big deal out of nothing in a positive way; taking a mediocre event and turning into a really good time.

So I guess I’m being more of an Optimistic Olga or a Gratitude Gertrude.

Like when my daughter Michaela was little and I built up a trip to Shopper’s Drugmart to the equivalent of going to Disneyland.

One’s attitude can go a long way in determining how you experience things.

You choose:

Do you roll your eyes and just endure it? Or do you have the time of your life?

My daughter lives a 3 1/2 hour drive north of Calgary where I live, in a small town called Camrose, 45 minutes east of Edmonton. When I visit her or she visits me, which isn’t very often, it includes at least one sleepover, we DO have lots of fun. But it usually works out to only spending 5 or 6 hours together in a two-day period.

So we came up with a plan, one that took way too long for us to figure out, I might add.

This Saturday, we’re going to meet up in Red Deer to spend the day together and then both of us will drive back to our individual homes. You see, Red Deer is half way between Calgary and Edmonton, Alberta’s two major cities. Red Deer is small compared to these two metropolitans, in fact Red Deer only has a little over 10% of either city’s population.

But just like the long ago Shopper’s Drugmart adventures, we aim to spend a fun-filled time in Red Deer.

In preparation for this adventure, I needed to find out if Red Deer even has a downtown area and by golly they do, as seen in the promo video I found on YouTube below.

Trust me, you want to watch this video!

We plan to visit all the featured places in the above video and maybe even find some other hidden Red Deer gems!

I will share our adventure with you next week right here on TALKTODIANA

Stay tuned you don’t want to miss it!  😉

~ HUMP DAY CHRONICLES ~

When’s the last time you made a big deal out of nothing?