Tags
courage, Dad, death, Diana Schwenk, family, Fear, grief, Happy Birthday Dad, Heinz Schwenk, Hump Day Chronicles, joy, kindness, laughter, life, Life's like that, living in the moment, loss, love, memories, parents, Relationships
Dear Dad,
Eight months ago when you left this world to go to the next, we, your family made a pact to come together for your birthday so that none of us would have to be alone.
Arno and Ela came from Germany. I came from out west, sadly without Michaela. And Mike, Heather and Spencer drove in from Montreal’s west island to meet at yours and Mom’s home. In my head, this family reunion would be joyful and fun because we would all be together. I thought we would celebrate you, maybe even release balloons with personal notes to you. But that’s not what happened.
I’m not saying that we didn’t share great memories and moments of laughter, after which Mike brought out your silver tray and shot glasses just like you used to do when entertaining guests and we clinked our glasses in your honour. But always the underlying and unspoken fact that you were not sitting out on the deck with us was with me, and I suspect with the others as well.
Frankly, life is not the same without you Dad. I don’t mean to sound all dark and gloomy – honest I don’t, I’m merely stating a fact.
I recently read a book that said when we lose someone we love, we think we are immediately entering our new life without them. Where we usually end up though, is in a kind of metaphorical waiting room – between our old life and our new life. And there we sit, doing things the same way as before, hanging on and reluctant to change or let go for fear of forgetting our loved one.
The book goes on to say it’s normal to do that but the author encourages her readers to take baby steps by changing little things in their routines, a bit at a time, until they are fully participating in their new life. Stepping into their new lives does not, however, make them forget their loved one.
And that’s what we’re doing Dad, each one of us in our own way, but it’s hard. It’s particularly hard for Mom. We’ll figure it out though, Dad. I know you would want us to enjoy life. And even as I write these thoughts here…
I can almost feel your hand reassuringly patting mine and hear you saying, “C’mon Diana…Everything is OK, it’s going to be fine.”
~ HUMP DAY CHRONICLES ~
Happy Birthday Dad
Love you and miss you
Diana xo
You describe so well the limbo land between the before and the “whatever life will become” after losing someone close. Hugs to you Diana.
LikeLike
Thanks Elizabeth and hugs back at you! ❤
Diana xo
LikeLiked by 1 person
So sorry to know you are missing your dad. I too lost mine a long time ago, but miss him every day.
I don’t know if you’ve ever read this poem. My cousin read it at my cousin Annes funeral. Anne died a couple of months ago very suddenly aged 52. I thought this poem was lovely and when she read it I also thought of my dad.
https://allpoetry.com/Gone-From-My-Sight
LikeLike
Oh my. Thanks for the poem, brought tears to my eyes. ❤
Diana xo
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wise and heartfelt words, Diana. I’m guessing you and your family are very good company and support for one another in the “waiting room.”
LikeLike
Thanks Jim. We try. It’s more important now than ever. ❤
Diana xo
LikeLike
It takes awhile. Sometimes that sadness never goes away completely.
LikeLike
I’m beginning to figure that out Jean. Thanks for your support. ❤
Diana xo
LikeLike
This is beautifully written, I can feel with you!
LikeLike
Thank you Ute. ❤
Diana xo
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh Diana I feel your loss in these words, it has not been that long for you and grief is an unpredictable thing. I still have moments when I feel the void where my Dad should be and its been ten years since he left us. I guess I find comfort in the good memories of a loving father who knew how to live, laugh and love well. Sounds like your Dad did too, we are the lucky ones Diana. Big virtual hugs from afar xxxxx
Kath
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Kath ❤ Yes lucky to have had such great dads! ❤
Diana xo
LikeLiked by 2 people
Diana, it is with tears I type this. Sending you a big hug, knowing it is not going to end your sadness, but wanting to share the burden, in some small way. Kath is right: we were lucky to have dads that loved and cared for us so much. 💕
LikeLike
Thank you so much Jennifer. Hugs back at you. ❤
Diana xo
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wonderful, Diana. Thank you for sharing your love for your dad with us.
-Alan
Time heals many wounds, except the loss of one we love. That scar on our hearts keep their memory alive and one day will be healed when we are again united with them by God’s merciful love.
-Alan
LikeLike
You’re welcome and thank you Alan! ❤
Diana xo
LikeLiked by 1 person
Diana!!! The “waiting room” exactly explains it. I’ve never heard that before. Thank you for sharing it. I’m sorry, again, for your loss. How wonderful though, that the remembering is full of goodness and love.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I love it too Colleen. I read it in a book I ordered through a blog I found online. It’s called Second Firsts. http://www.secondfirsts.com/book/
LikeLike
Thank you!
LikeLiked by 1 person
A beautiful post Diana. It is a transition from the waiting room and can be difficult to move through as our lives go on without them. Knowing he is beside you, encouraging you and loving you from afar,is comforting and will give you strength each day.
LikeLike
Your comment and the imagery it inspires is encouraging to me Karen – thank you. ❤
Diana xo
LikeLiked by 1 person
Your most welcome 💜💜
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hey Diana! We missed u!! I can imagine u were pretty busy while up – hopefully next time?? Loving your blogs – u spunky gal w all the humour and charisma!! Keep well!! Hugs & kisses
LikeLike
Thank you so much Karena. I will get out to see your vineyard one of these days! ❤
Diana xo
LikeLike
Your message brought tears to my eyes. I used to think tears tended to come in two varieties healing and joy, but I just realized ones in my eyes are a bit of both, but mostly they are tears that come from a feeling of connection. Thank you for helping to fuel more clearly today, My Friend.
LikeLike
Thank you for your kind words and compassion Russ. ❤
Diana xo
LikeLike
Beautiful, Diana. Hope all is well with you. xo
LikeLike
All is well Kelly, thank you. ❤
Diana xo
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great! 🙂
LikeLike
This is beautiful and heartfelt and exquisite.
So glad I read it before I put on my make-up. ❤
LikeLike
Thank you my friend. Hugs. ❤
Diana xo
LikeLike
So lovely, Diana! ❤ xxoo
LikeLike
Thanks Ann! ❤
Diana xo
LikeLiked by 1 person
What a beautiful, honest and thoughtful tribute to your dad, Diana. I’m sure he is proud and smiling down on you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you George. ❤
Diana xo
LikeLike
I like that description of the waiting room. Take as long as you need in the waiting room. Hugs to you Diana.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks so much April. ❤
Diana xo
LikeLiked by 1 person