Tags
acceptance, afraid, Charles C. Finn, compassion, courage, facade, Fear, hiding, hope, Hump Day Chronicles, kindness, love, mask, worth
Don’t be fooled by me. Don’t be fooled by the face I wear for I wear a mask, a thousand masks, masks that I’m afraid to take off, and none of them is me.
Pretending is an art that’s second nature with me, but don’t be fooled, for God’s sake don’t be fooled. I give you the impression that I’m secure, that all is sunny and unruffled with me, within as well as without, that confidence is my name and coolness my game, that the water’s calm and I’m in command and that I need no one, but don’t believe me. My surface may seem smooth but my surface is my mask, ever-varying and ever-concealing. Beneath lies no complacence. Beneath lies confusion, and fear, and aloneness. But I hide this. I don’t want anybody to know it. I panic at the thought of my weakness exposed. That’s why I frantically create a mask to hide behind, a nonchalant sophisticated facade, to help me pretend, to shield me from the glance that knows.
But such a glance is precisely my salvation, my only hope, and I know it. That is, if it’s followed by acceptance, if it’s followed by love. It’s the only thing that can liberate me from myself, from my own self-built prison walls, from the barriers I so painstakingly erect. It’s the only thing that will assure me of what I can’t assure myself, that I’m really worth something. But I don’t tell you this. I don’t dare to, I’m afraid to. I’m afraid your glance will not be followed by acceptance, will not be followed by love. I’m afraid you’ll think less of me, that you’ll laugh, and your laugh would kill me. I’m afraid that deep-down I’m nothing and that you will see this and reject me.
So I play my game, my desperate pretending game, with a facade of assurance without and a trembling child within. So begins the glittering but empty parade of masks, and my life becomes a front. I idly chatter to you in the suave tones of surface talk. I tell you everything that’s really nothing, and nothing of what’s everything, of what’s crying within me. So when I’m going through my routine do not be fooled by what I’m saying. Please listen carefully and try to hear what I’m not saying, what I’d like to be able to say, what for survival I need to say, but what I can’t say.
I don’t like hiding. I don’t like playing superficial phony games. I want to stop playing them. I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me but you’ve got to help me. You’ve got to hold out your hand even when that’s the last thing I seem to want. Only you can wipe away from my eyes the blank stare of the breathing dead. Only you can call me into aliveness. Each time you’re kind, and gentle, and encouraging, each time you try to understand because you really care, my heart begins to grow wings– very small wings, very feeble wings, but wings!
With your power to touch me into feeling you can breathe life into me. I want you to know that. I want you to know how important you are to me, how you can be a creator–an honest-to-God creator– of the person that is me if you choose to. You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble, you alone can remove my mask, you alone can release me from my shadow-world of panic, from my lonely prison, if you choose to. Please choose to.
Do not pass me by. It will not be easy for you. A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls. The nearer you approach to me the blinder I may strike back. It’s irrational, but despite what the books say about man often I am irrational. I fight against the very thing I cry out for. But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls and in this lies my hope. Please try to beat down those walls with firm hands but with gentle hands for a child is very sensitive.
Who am I, you may wonder? I am someone you know very well. For I am every man you meet and I am every woman you meet.
~ Charles C. Finn September 1966
~ HUMP DAY CHRONICLES ~
How might we change the way we interact with each other if we thought these words to be true?
I came across this poem again after reading the words, “Let me die…” in my friend, Louise Gallagher’s touching post Stampede has come and gone. yahoo.
markbialczak said:
To know that we all have this same doubt gnawing at our core is indeed the great equalizer, Diana. We need each other, we want each other, and still we push each other away and rush around and tend to less intrinsic and far less scarier tasks.
And so I say thank you for sharing these great words here, and I indeed love you, my important friend, for all this thought-provoking wisdom you bring into my life.
LikeLiked by 1 person
dianasschwenk said:
Yes. Weird how we push others away. Such complex creatures… Thank you for your kind words and beautiful friendship Mark. ❤
Diana xo
LikeLike
Wendy L. Macdonald said:
Powerful poem, Diana. It applies to teenagers too as they strive to be independent, but still require their parents to believe in them.
Blessings & hugs ~ Wendy
LikeLike
dianasschwenk said:
Yes. I agree Wendy! I think it applies to everyone. ❤
Diana xo
LikeLiked by 1 person
earthriderjudyberman said:
I’ve felt that sense of aloneness and have fought the battle to climb back to the surface. Louise Gallagher’s post also touched my heart. I’ve met some who have given up hope, and who once had a proud history but now feel like they have nothing. I hope they find their peace and their purpose.
LikeLike
dianasschwenk said:
Well said Judy. I hope they find their peace as well. ❤
Diana xo
LikeLiked by 1 person
reachingjoythree said:
❤
LikeLike
dianasschwenk said:
😀
LikeLike
Minuscule Moments said:
Diana, as I have said before being human is hard. I see this pain on people everyday I get a sense of how someone is feeling, even if they try to cover it up. I have always had this sense and so it gives me great empathy for my fellow man. We all struggle in some way, maybe some more than others. Helping each other is the key to our wellness and survival. Louise’s post broke my heart such a kind and loving soul she is. Thanks for sharing this amazing poem. At first I thought you wrote it about yourself and I was going to reply that we are all broken at some stage of our lives. No one has the perfect life. But we can try….
LikeLike
dianasschwenk said:
It’s a great poem Kath, I’m flattered you thought I wrote it! I have felt this way before; I am pretty sure everyone has. Doesn’t surprise me at all the your an Empath Kath…hey I like the ring of that…Empath Kath. 🙂
Diana xo
LikeLiked by 1 person
Minuscule Moments said:
New blog idea?? Not! have trouble enough keeping up with one lol.
LikeLiked by 1 person
dianasschwenk said:
hahha!
LikeLike
Rob Moses Photography said:
Very nice! 😀
LikeLike
dianasschwenk said:
It was a great poem to find again Rob, thanks!
Diana xo
LikeLiked by 1 person
rachelcarrera said:
Brilliant! This piece really spoke to my heart. Thank you for sharing! 🙂
LikeLike
dianasschwenk said:
Me too Rachel, my pleasure! ❤
Diana xo
LikeLike
Nayana Nair said:
Reblogged this on it rains in my heart and commented:
loved the post…thank you for writing this 🙂
LikeLike
Nayana Nair said:
loved what you wrote…..thank you for writing that…love you for writing that
LikeLike
dianasschwenk said:
Thanks for stopping by and welcome to Talk to Diana Nayana!
LikeLike
bulldog said:
How true is that…. brilliant… and none of us will ever change…
LikeLike
dianasschwenk said:
It is brilliant – thanks for stopping by bulldog, it’s been a while – hope you are well! ❤
Diana xo
LikeLiked by 1 person
elizabeth2560 said:
This is brilliant.
LikeLike
dianasschwenk said:
I thought so too, Elizabeth! ❤
Diana xo
LikeLiked by 1 person
joannerambling said:
Just letting you know this was bloody great
LikeLike
dianasschwenk said:
Thanks Jo-Anne! ❤
Diana xo
LikeLike
OnTheWay... said:
Reblogged this on On The Way….
LikeLiked by 1 person
dianasschwenk said:
Thanks for the reblog Laura, it’s a beautiful poem, isn’t it? ❤
Diana xo
LikeLike
mrs fringe said:
Very nice, a perfect read for me today–thank you! ❤
LikeLike
dianasschwenk said:
Thanks for reading mrs f! ❤
Diana xo
LikeLike
Jim McKeever said:
A nice find, Diana … thanks for sharing it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
dianasschwenk said:
You’re welcome Jim! ❤
Diana xo
LikeLike
vanbytheriver said:
A remarkable piece, Diana. I believe this to be true, a lifetime of friends and acquaintances bears it out. The most polished and confident among us have some of the deepest wounds. Kindness is critical…to everyone. We never know their life’s journey. Thanks, Diana. ❤️
LikeLiked by 1 person
dianasschwenk said:
It is remarkable, and I agree with you. We all feel this deep down… ❤
Diana xo
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ian Munro @ leadingessentially.com said:
What a beautiful piece. I need to save this!
LikeLike
dianasschwenk said:
It is worth saving Ian, glad you like it too! ❤
Diana xo
LikeLike
The Presents of Presence said:
Diana, at first I thought it was you who wrote it because it was so amazing. Thank you for sharing this poem. Truly remarkable, thought provoking and moving. Big hugs to you! ♥
LikeLike
dianasschwenk said:
Wow thank you, I wish I wrote it Yvonne! I have definitely felt it. ❤
Diana xo
LikeLiked by 1 person
Pingback: Don’t Be Fooled By Me. | Dare boldly
Louise Gallagher said:
What a powerful poem Diana — I am grateful my post inspired your finding again of this poem.
Much love to you my friend.
Beaumont says Hi! When are you coming back to visit? 🙂
LikeLike
dianasschwenk said:
Me too Louise! Hi back at Beaumont, hope to see him and you soon! ❤
Diana xo
LikeLike
billgncs said:
As John Donne said so long ago – ‘ no man is an island”
LikeLike
dianasschwenk said:
So true Bill, no matter how much we sometimes tell ourselves we are. ❤
Diana xo
LikeLike
billgncs said:
This made me think that at some point in our lives, we should be able to live honest, open lives. Why does one need to hide?
But I forgot to ask… How’s Diana, with no mask ?
LikeLike
dianasschwenk said:
Not sure I’ve ever been completely without a mask Bill. How ’bout you?
LikeLike
billgncs said:
is that an answer ?
I have known duplicity…
LikeLike
dianasschwenk said:
I thought it was an answer haha!
I’m not sure it is always duplicity, sometimes it is version of self, reinforced with a shit-load of armour… 🙂
LikeLike
billgncs said:
I have known duplicity
and mired in the memory of shame
pray for tomorrow
LikeLiked by 1 person
dianasschwenk said:
nodding my head….
LikeLike
jmgoyder said:
I feel so moved by this poem, Diana – thank you.
LikeLike
dianasschwenk said:
Me too, Julie – I have felt this way before… ❤
Diana xo
LikeLiked by 1 person