Nature’s Lent

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Alberta, boredom, Calgary, changing seasons, choice, cycling, Diana Schwenk, Life's like that, living in the moment, longing, lonliness, reflection, rest, stillness, summer, waiting, winter

Winter makes me question all sorts of choices I’ve made. It passes slowly, each day seemingly the same as the one before. The alarm goes off while it’s still dark out. I drink coffee, shower, dress, get in my car and go to work. I come home, eat, watch some TV, go to bed, maybe read a chapter or two. The alarm goes off while it’s still dark out.

It’s a low time for me, a time when nature sleeps beneath the snow. I reflect on the past. I think about the things I could have, should have done differently. I mourn what is lost. I let go of things I can’t change, things that aren’t important. I re-prioritize. It’s a time when I feel as though something is missing. A time when I long for something else, when I long for summer.

But this year before the spring, in January and February when it felt like I could not take the dark, stillness and cold anymore, or the day-in, day-out sameness, it occurred to me that maybe that’s the way it’s meant to be. Maybe it’s what allows me to start again with a fresh perspective.

It’s nature’s lent. A time of rest and reflection and yes, a time of maddening boredom too. A time to long for the sun’s warmth, and yet, somehow, the perfect springboard to an all-the-more enjoyable summer.

And I do love summer. And this past Sunday’s afternoon bike ride was well worth the long wait!

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~ HUMP DAY CHRONICLES ~

My Name

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answers, Diana Schwenk, Diana's Enormous Book of Quotes, Fear, just ask, lessons, Lhasa, life, love, miracle, Purpose, questions, Relationships, safe, strong, waiting, weak

Why don’t you ask me

How long I’ve been waiting

Set down on the road

With the gunshots exploding

I’m waiting for you

In the gloom and the blazing

I’m waiting for you

I sing like a slave I know

I should know better

I’ve learned all my lessons

Right down to the letter

And still I go on like this

Year after year

Waiting for miracles

And shaking with fear 

Why don’t you answer

Why don’t you come save me

Show me how to use

All these things

That you gave me

Turn me inside out

So my bones can save me

Turn me inside out 

You’ve come this close

You can come even closer

The gunshots get louder

And the world spins faster

And things just get further

And further apart

The head from the hands

And the hands from the heart 

One thing that’s true

Is the way that I love him

The earth down below

And the sky up above him

And still I go on like this

Day after day

Still I go on like this 

Now I’ve said this

I already feel stronger

I can’t keep waiting for you

Any longer

I need you now

Not someday

When I’m ready

Come down on the road

Come down on the road 

My name, my name

Nothing is the same

I won’t go back

The way I came  

~ Lhasa De Sela

~ DIANA’S ENORMOUS BOOK OF QUOTES ~

Waiting…

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afraid, believe, Calgary, Diana Schwenk, dreams, excuse, faith, fear of failure, inner-voice, living in the moment, snow, spirit, Spring, too old, waiting, walk, weak, winter

The other day one of my friends sent the following tweet:

“Spring, you are such a tease. Let me know when you’re ready to commit and we’ll talk.”

Seriously, spring is a tease!

The boughs of this tree are weighed down with snow

Last week it was 19c that’s about 67f in American!

Her tweet made me laugh – mostly at myself and my own frustration with a winter that seems to be lasting longer than ever.

Waiting for Spring

I have been waiting for spring since February!

The truth is, winter isn’t lasting longer than any other year and I feel this way every year.

Get a grip Diana, after all you live in Canada – why are you surprised?

Well enough is enough.

I need to get out there – with or without spring!

So on Monday in -10c weather

8th Street SW, Mount Royal area

I dressed in layers

put on a hat

grabbed my way-too-expensive down-filled coat and with camera in hand set out for a walk.

Once out there I realized it wasn’t so bad after all.

The sun was shining brightly, causing me to squint and my legs were happy to be moving.

What else I’m waiting for?

Not a fan of waiting at the best of times, my frustration with winter got me to thinking about what else I might be waiting for and why?

If you’ve ever been in a place where you were doing exactly what you knew you should be doing

It used to be said that Calgary has 2 seasons: construction and winter. Lately the two just seem to blend into each other…

and something happened that closed that chapter in your life, you may be able to relate to what I’m about to tell you next.

For the last 2 1/2 years I’ve been waiting out a different kind of winter

waiting for inspiration

waiting for that next opportunity to present itself

waiting for a different kind of spring.

Could it be that it’s time to just stop waiting?

Could it be that I simply need to act and just go do what I am meant to do?

~

But here’s the thing.

I’m afraid.

The Calgary Tower on the right was the tallest building when it was built in the late 60’s. It makes me chuckle to think now that when one is on the observation deck, one can also look up at offices as well as looking down at the folks below.

I have self-doubt.

I could fail and make a fool of myself.

Maybe I’m too old to start something new.

These are not easy things for me to admit.

Even thinking these thoughts (never mind writing them here) makes me feel weak.

Yet I am often encouraging others to take hold of their dreams

to trust their inner-voice

believe in themselves and act accordingly.

It’s time for me to swallow my fears and take my own advice.

I thought items were knocking around in my pocket so I stopped. The knocking continued and I looked up to see a woodpecker and snapped this photo. But I can’t see it in the photo, can you?

Enough is enough.

I need to dress in the layers of my years of experience and believe that they have merit.

I need to adorn my head with all the knowledge I’ve gleaned and believe that it is useful.

I need to cover myself with all the skills I’ve picked up and the value I can bring to my community.

And just walk out that door and do it.

I bet I will find it’s not that bad out there

and when I take that first step in faith

my heart and spirit will just be happy to be soaring again.

I hadn’t been walking (a favourite pastime of mine) because I’ve been waiting for spring.

But on Monday I stopped waiting, dressed for the challenge, went out and enjoyed a long walk.

~ HUMP DAY CHRONICLES ~

Is there something you haven’t been doing because [insert reason]?