I Get That Now

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Berlin, Dad, death, Diana Schwenk, family, Father, Germany, grief, growing up, Heinz Schwenk, Hump Day Chronicles, life, Life's like that, love, memories, Opa, parents, Relationships, stories

Opa, 66, with his Daschund (Cherry) in 1973.

Opa (my paternal grandfather) became a father at 27 years old when Dad was born on June 28, 1934.

Born in 1907, Opa lived through two world wars and the depression. Over the years, Dad told me many stories of his childhood growing up in Berlin, Germany.

Like the time he stole a horse from the Russians so that his family and neighbours could eat meat.

And the time he and his teenaged buddies lifted a Volkswagen over the owners fenced-in yard with a small gate – too small to drive a car through!

But I know very little about Opa. I know that he was raised by his aunt, and that he may not have known some of his siblings.

And once when Dad was in elementary school, he wet his pants in class because the teacher wouldn’t let him go to the bathroom. Opa went to the school the next day to talk to the teacher. Dad never knew what Opa had said, but the teacher told Dad that day that if he ever needed to go to the bathroom, he had permission to just go, didn’t even have to raise his hand to ask.

I know that Opa was athletic and participated in track and field. I know from our visits to Germany as a family, that Opa struggled with alcohol and by the time he was a senior, a half bottle of beer was enough to do him in. Yet even at a ripe old age, Opa could still walk up the stairs on his hands.

Opa passed away on June 28, 1987 (My Dad’s 53rd birthday). Opa had suffered a stroke on a Thursday. Dad booked the earliest flight he could get but unfortunately Opa passed away around the same time Dad’s plane landed in Berlin that Sunday.

I remember when Dad phoned to tell me Opa was dead. He was so calm on the phone, so matter-of-fact. I, on the other hand, burst into tears. Dad tried to console me. When I composed myself, it dawned on me to ask Dad how he was doing and comment on how awful it must be that his father died on his birthday. “I’m fine. Everyone dies eventually Diana. I’m ok.”

On June 28, 2012, I happened to be back east at my parent’s place for Dad’s 78th Birthday. We were talking about this and that when suddenly out of nowhere, Dad with glistening eyes said, “It’s 25 years ago today that my father died.”

I touched Dad’s arm.

What could I say?

Maybe you never quite get over the death of your father.

I get that now.

~ HUMP DAY CHRONICLES ~

 

Thanksgiving in Rosalind

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Alberta, Calgary, Camrose Alberta, Canada, children, daughter, Diana Schwenk, driving, family, friends, fun, generosity, grateful, growing up, laughter, living in the moment, love, parents, Relationships, Rosalind, thankful, Thanksgiving, turkey

Just how great was Thanksgiving in Rosalind, Alberta?

Glad you asked!

I have to admit that I was a bit nervous about driving to Rosalind by myself on Saturday because many of the roads I needed to travel on are so barren and have no cell service. But in spite of the cold, fog with iffy visibility and snow, it was a rather pleasant drive.

Seeing as this was my first visit there, Michaela met me at the Rosalind School parking lot so I could follow her on the gravel secondary highway eight-hundred-and-something to hers and Werner’s long driveway about 1 kilometer from the school.

We turned the corner on the driveway at around 4:30PM revealing the cutest little farm-house and property. It really is too bad that it got cold and snowed so early this year, I would have loved to have walked around the property a bit. But it was that wet kind of cold, you know? The kind that chills you to the bone in just minutes.

Anyway, after settling in, enjoying a nice cup of coffee and playing a few rounds of Macke Been, Werner drove us to the Brew House in Camrose for dinner. After dinner, we headed back to the farm-house, played a few more games, chatted about this and that and turned in early. I slept like a baby!

The next morning, Michaela made us a wonderful breakfast before starting all the food prep and cooking for the Thanksgiving dinner. We all helped out here and there, but for the most part, Michaela had it all under control. There would be five for dinner. Me, Michaela, Werner and his mom and dad, Claudia and Manfred, who I would be meeting for the first time.

It was fun.

Lots of laughter, lots of story-sharing and playful banter.

And what a feast it was, especially since this was the very first dinner party, Michaela had ever hosted!

So just how great was Thanksgiving in Rosalind, Alberta?

it was so great that I forgot to take pictures!

~ HUMP DAY CHRONICLES ~

And how did you spend Thanksgiving? And what did you non-Canadians do this past weekend?

Those Blue Shorts Dad Used to Wear

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British Columbia, Canada, Dad, Diana Schwenk, dreams, family, growing up, Hump Day Chronicles, Life's like that, love, memories, Mom, parents, Pinantan Lake, Relationships, Stuff my parents used to say and do

The other day in the early hours of the morning I was sleeping and in my dream Dad was waking me up. I opened my eyes and he was wearing those blue shorts he used to wear and an undershirt. It was a younger version of Dad and he was handing me a gift…

I woke up thinking, I got to remember this dream and the gift. Later in the day I’d forgotten the gift. I should have written it down when I woke up.

“Those blue shorts. Man I saw him clear as day in that dream,”  I thought to myself. And then yesterday after work,  I remembered I had a picture of him, wearing those shorts and an undershirt!

Mom was always good at taking pictures. I still joke that if I go to the bathroom, I have to lock the door to prevent Mom from coming in to take a picture. But back in 1985, Mom and Dad came to visit me in Pinantan Lake. They’d flown to Calgary, rented a car and drove through the Rocky Mountains to see me.

Mom with Dad wearing those blue shorts and undershirt

Dad, me and Mom at Paul Lake

Me, Shannon and Dad

Mom and Dad on the last day of their visit to Pinantan Lake

It occurs to me as I write  this post, that Dad was two years younger than I am today back then and in my dream it’s sort of like two peers connected for a moment in time. And maybe that’s all the gift I really need to remember. I miss you so much Dad, thanks for visiting in my dreams.

~ HUMP DAY CHRONICLES ~

Have you ever looked at picture of your parents at the age you are now and wondered what it would have been like to hang out with them as peers?

The Waiting Room

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courage, Dad, death, Diana Schwenk, family, Fear, grief, Happy Birthday Dad, Heinz Schwenk, Hump Day Chronicles, joy, kindness, laughter, life, Life's like that, living in the moment, loss, love, memories, parents, Relationships

Mike raising the flag for Dad’s birthday (June 28) and Canada Day (July 1)

Dear Dad,

Eight months ago when you left this world to go to the next, we, your family made a pact to come together for your birthday so that none of us would have to be alone.

Arno and Ela came from Germany. I came from out west, sadly without Michaela. And Mike, Heather and Spencer drove in from Montreal’s west island to meet at yours and Mom’s home. In my head, this family reunion would be joyful and fun because we would all be together. I thought we would celebrate you, maybe even release balloons with personal notes to you.  But that’s not what happened.

I’m not saying that we didn’t share great memories and moments of laughter, after which Mike brought out your silver tray and shot glasses just like you used to do when entertaining guests and we clinked our glasses in your honour. But always the underlying and unspoken fact that you were not sitting out on the deck with us was with me, and I suspect with the others as well.

Frankly, life is not the same without you Dad. I don’t mean to sound all dark and gloomy – honest I don’t, I’m merely stating a fact.

I recently read a book that said when we lose someone we love, we think we are immediately entering our new life without them. Where we usually end up though, is in a kind of metaphorical waiting room – between our old life and our new life. And there we sit, doing things the same way as before, hanging on and reluctant to change or let go for fear of forgetting our loved one.

The book goes on to say it’s normal to do that but the author encourages her readers to take baby steps by changing little things in their routines, a bit at a time, until they are fully participating in their new life. Stepping into their new lives does not, however, make them forget their loved one.

And that’s what we’re doing Dad, each one of us in our own way, but it’s hard. It’s particularly hard for Mom. We’ll figure it out though, Dad. I know you would want us to enjoy life. And even as I write these thoughts here…

I can almost feel your hand reassuringly patting mine and hear you saying, “C’mon Diana…Everything is OK, it’s going to be fine.” 

~ HUMP DAY CHRONICLES ~

Happy Birthday Dad

Love you and miss you

Diana xo

And I’m off!

Tags

family, happy, health, joy, kindness, laughter, life, living in the moment, love, Montreal, parents, Relationships

I’m off to Montreal

And I’m mostly off the grid

I’m attending the second annual Schwenkonsortium!

I’ll be back to tell you all about it soon. In the meantime, check out the trouble we got into last time below.

Be good to each other.

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With love,

Diana

My First Father’s Day Without You

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daughters, Diana Schwenk, Diana's Enormous Book of Quotes, dreams, family, fathers-day, growing up, Heinz Schwenk, joy, laughter, life, living in the moment, loss, love, memories, parents, Relationships, Stuff my parents used to say and do

I’m thirsty Dad.

Nice to meet you Thursday. I’m Friday, come over Saturday and we’ll have a Sunday.

Heinz Schwenk

Today is my first Father’s Day without you. The beginning of many firsts without you. Yes, I’m a bit sad about that Dad, but I don’t want to talk about that today. Because I am the luckiest woman in the world.

I am incredibly grateful for having had you in my life. You always made me feel so important and cherished. From day one I knew you were in my corner; even when I was wrong.

You’ve only been gone seven months. Gone yet not really gone. I still see you everywhere. I catch a glimpse of you in the mirror. You grace me with your presence in my dreams. And Dad, the other day an older gentleman who had your walk and your playful facial expression stopped in his tracks and looked at me. It made me smile. I know how blessed I was to have you as my father.

You’re in a better place now, free from pain.

I know you’re ok Dad.

And I want you to know I’m ok too, thanks to you.

~ HUMP DAY CHRONICLES ~

Possess A Second Soul

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200 words, Diana Schwenk, Diana's Enormous Book of Quotes, English, family, Foreign language, French, German, growing up, multilingual, parents, Relationships, Stuff my parents used to say and do

To have another language is to possess a second soul.

Charlemagne

One of the things that I am most grateful for is that my parents taught my brother and I German.

We’re first generation Canadian. My parents immigrated to Canada in 1960. Three years later I was born and sixteen months after that my brother was born.

Mom and Dad spoke only German at home. We didn’t learn English until we went to school. I had a German accent up until about Grade Four. Mom recently apologized for only speaking German when we were little, but I’m so grateful to know the language.

As luck would have it, we lived in the Montreal area in Quebec, so Mike and I were also exposed to French. Before I came out west I could pretty much speak and understand French. I’ve since lost most of it, but when I visit Montreal, within days I understand what French-speaking people are saying. Mike is still perfectly fluent.

There is something really special about knowing more than one language. It opens up more of the world.

It does kind of feel like possessing another soul.

~ DIANA’S ENORMOUS BOOK OF QUOTES ~

Do you know a second language?

Happy Mother’s Day Mom!

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200 words, children, Diana Schwenk, Diana's Enormous Book of Quotes, family, growing up, happy, health, integrity, joy, kids, kindness, life, love, memories, Mom, Mother's Day, parents, Relationships, Stuff my parents used to say and do

Margot with Diana

No language can express the power, and beauty, and heroism, and majesty of a mother’s love. It shrinks not where man cowers, and grows stronger where man faints, and over wastes of worldly fortunes sends the radiance of its quenchless fidelity like a star.

Edwin Hubbell Chapin

For making our lives a 1000 times better than yours had been.

For baking a European-quality cake every Sunday and feeding it to us for breakfast with a vitamin every morning.

For preparing delicious home-cooked meals every day and cooking our favourite meal on our birthdays.

For reading to us every night. For singing ‘You are my Sunshine.’ For brushing my hair while we watched TV. For helping us with our homework. For teaching us manners, good work ethic, respect, honesty and integrity.

For making sure that we went on outings to get fresh air by visiting the zoo, going on a picnic, going to the park, going to the beach, going on a bike ride, taking a walk and so many other things. Things that you did not experience as a child.

For all these things and more, thank you and Happy Mother’s Day Mom!

~ DIANA’S ENORMOUS BOOK OF QUOTES ~

Instant Coffee

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coffee, Dad, death, Diana Schwenk, family, grief, growing up, Hump Day Chronicles, love, memories, parents, Relationships

Do you, or did you ever, have someone in your life that you could spend hours with, never speaking a word?

I think when a relationship gets to that point, you’ve hit a level of comfortable-ness where the two of you are just happy to be in each other’s company.

When I was school-aged, I would get home about 30 minutes before dad who liked to enjoy a nice cup of instant coffee after a long day’s work.

I had the timing down to an art. Dad was one of those people who seemed to live within a specific routine. Maybe that’s why he was always a source of comfort to me. No matter what else was going on at school, in the world, wherever, I could count on dad to do and be exactly where I knew he’d be.

So at the exact right time, I would plug the kettle in and when he’d walk in the door, I’d be making his coffee with one level teaspoon of sugar and a bit of milk. After our initial greetings we would sip coffee together quietly; dad doing one thing and me doing another. Neither of us ever feeling pressure to fill the silence with words.

People wondered about us. Wondered why we didn’t talk and how we could be so in tuned to each other.

I still love my coffee. But I’m a brewed-pot-of-coffee kinda gal now. Yet for some reason, I found myself buying instant coffee one day, a few months after dad passed away. I know now that I was just looking for a way to be with him again. A cup of instant coffee seemed like the best way to do that.

Now on Sunday afternoons when I’m thinking of dad I make myself a cup of instant coffee.

At first I worried that I had nothing to say. And then I remembered we never really had a need to break the silence with words. He knew I loved him and I knew he loved me.

I will always treasure our quiet coffee-time memories Dad.

~ HUMP DAY CHRONICLES ~

Who’s one of your favourite people to spend time with? What do you like to do together? Is it something that you don’t do with anyone else?

Growing Up in the 70s

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Canada, Chateauguay, Diana Schwenk, family, friends, growing up, happy, health, Hump Day Chronicles, joy, kids, life, living in the moment, love, memories, Montreal, parents, Quebec, Relationships

My childhood home on Google Instant Street View

I was recently reminded how fortunate I was to grow up in the seventies because of a Facebook page I was invited to join called Chateauguay in the 70’s. It’s been a real treat to catch up with some of the folks I grew up with and learn what they’ve been up to.

We’ve discussed everything from who remembers their old phone number to where everyone lives now and what they do for a living.

The other day, I checked out my childhood home on Instant Street View, shared it on the Chateauguay in the 70s page and suggested others do the same. Many did and some even compared instant street view with photos from when they lived there decades ago. After posting it to my brother’s page (above photo), I took a virtual walk around my old neighbourhood.

It took me right back to my childhood. You should try it!

I used to get on my bike, go around the block and pick up Theresa, then the two of us would ride to Gloria’s house, pick her up. Go play in Maple Park for a bit, go to Cam’s and get a cherry coke and hickory sticks. Maybe ride down to the Chateauguay River, sit on the bank, talk about stuff while lazily tossing rocks into the river or take off our shoes, roll up our pant legs and cool our feet.

I remember cutting through the field, walking the back way to the Chateauguay Shopping Centre, getting greasy fries in a paper bag, adding salt and vinegar and shaking it up, buying farmer sausages at Buster’s for a buck and eating them on the way home, joining in on skipping games at the end of my street…

Blue bells, cockle shells, Evie, ivy, over.  I like coffee.  I like tea.  I like the boys  and the boys like me.  yes, no, maybe so,  yes, no, maybe so…

Hopscotch, Red Rover, Frozen Tag, Mother May I, Hide and Seek, Trick or Treat, Cowboys and Indians, building forts, street chalk art, fire crackers, footsie, belly laughing, roller skating, mall walking, singing and dancing.

Often we went out after breakfast and sometimes we didn’t come home till supper. Those were the days. Outside was our playground. We never ran out of stuff to do.

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~ HUMP DAY CHRONICLES ~

What was your favourite childhood activity? Which decade did you grow up in?