What is Done in Love is Done Well

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caring, community, Diana Schwenk, Diana's Enormous Book of Quotes, family, friends, generosity, happy, helpful, integrity, kindness, laughter, life, listen, love, mission, Purpose, Relationships, service, teaching, values

Justine Waddell by Vincent Van Gogh

Whoever loves much, performs much, and can accomplish much, and what is done in love is done well.

Vincent Van Gogh

Love is a word we don’t always feel comfortable using in North America. It’s a word that is limited to how we feel about our lover or our family. To use the word love with any other person can be awkward at best.

Sure we use it as in loving humankind or nature or science or a cause or for activities like bowling, cycling, reading, running, or whatever you love to do. But you won’t catch us referencing it about the letter carrier, a co-worker or neighbor.

And that’s too bad really.

Because even if you have a degree, or years of experience, or you can do whatever it is you do while blindfolded with your hands tied behind your back, it’s just a lot of noise if it’s done without love.

And every time we interact with someone, whether teaching them, listening to them, helping them we can accomplish so much more and make them and ourselves feel so much more valued, if our motivation is love.

~ DIANA’S ENORMOUS BOOK OF QUOTES ~

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Hearing The Heart Behind The Words

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200 words, building community, Diana Schwenk, Diana's Enormous Book of Quotes, heart, helpful, Homelessness, integrity, kindness, listen, meaning, Relationships, Taking offense, words, world issues

We should be too big to take offense and too noble to give it. – Abe Lincoln

It astonishes me how many times I take things personally. The energy it requires to take offense can border on ridiculous.

Don’t get me wrong.

There are times when standing up against something offensive is warranted.

But we, as a society, have taken this too far for the most part.

I’ve spent a good chunk of my life working with vulnerable populations. Within this sector, well-meaning folks have declared certain terms offensive.

For example:

Many a supporter has said to me, “I’m concerned about homeless people and I want to help.”

Some might respond with, “…that offends me, I’d prefer if you said people who are experiencing homelessness.”

Instead of hearing the heart of the one who wants to help, they hear the words that offend them.

Ironically, those whom I have met living on the streets, refer to themselves as homeless people.

Yes, it’s important to not intentionally and maliciously offend, but it’s equally important to not be easily offended.

And so, I want to be someone who hears the heart behind the words.

Don’t you?

~ DIANA’S ENORMOUS BOOK OF QUOTES ~

Easy to Start, Hard to Stop

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200 words, celebrate, courage, Diana Schwenk, Diana's Enormous Book of Quotes, entrepreneur, Fundraising, generosity, hard work, learning, listen, mission, Purpose, sacrifice, share knowledge, tenacity, The Other Bottom Line, vision

To succeed, you need to be easy to start and hard to stop. ~ unattributed

It’s been one year since I started The Other Bottom Line. And in that time, I’ve:

• provided one organization with their fund development history and 3-5 year strategy.
• worked with another organization as a bum-in-a-seat employee.
• facilitated the process to find a sponsor for, and drafted a gift agreement for another.
• helped another consulting company conduct searches for two non-profits.

The in-between times haven’t always been easy. I’ve had my hopes dashed a few times. I’ve spent some time playing the ‘Hurry Up and Wait’ game. I’ve been disheartened.

When I have wanted to give up, I kept going by:

• Documenting processes and accomplishments; referring to them often.
• Doing the things I vehemently didn’t want to do; moving them to the top of the list.
• Sacrificing the fluffy things. You’d be amazed how much you don’t really need.
• Being generous. Sharing knowledge and expertise.
• Celebrating the wins. Learning from the losses, then moving past them.
• Being open. Asking questions. Listening to others who have been there. 

~ DIANA’S ENORMOUS BOOK OF QUOTES ~

How do you ensure that you’re easy to start and hard to stop?

If we both always agree, is one of us not really necessary?

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200 words, common ground, courage, Diana Schwenk, Diana's Enormous Book of Quotes, differences, integrity, life, listen, love, open-minded, peace, perspective, point of view, respect, tolerance, understanding

Meet regularly with someone who holds vastly different views from you ~ unattributed

OK.

SO THIS ISN’T THE NORM for me, because let’s face it – life is much easier when people agree with me.

And depending on whom I’m speaking with and what the topic is, often I will keep my mouth shut, for fear of hurting the other person’s feelings.

But even I have to admit that there’s value in varying views.

So it’s something that I engage in when the opportunity presents itself.

It’s also something I seek, when I’m stuck in a rut.

And I always learn something from it!

I try to keep the following principles in mind when talking with others who have varying views:

1. Listen to the other person
2. Try to see their point of view
3. Give thoughtful answers to their questions
4. Respectfully share my perspective
5. Avoid personal attacks
6. Discuss new possibilities with an open mind
7. If we can’t achieve #6, agree to disagree

~ DIANA’S ENORMOUS BOOK OF QUOTES ~

Reaching common ground takes longer, but often it’s worth it. Can you think of a time when doing so produced better results?

And I’ll try to see them from yours

The Gift I Want To Give

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200 words, caring, Diana Schwenk, Diana's Enormous Book of Quotes, fully present, generosity, gift, happy, joy, listen, living in the moment, Relationships, safe

You never get people’s fuller attention than when you’re listening to them ~ Robert Brault

Have you ever met someone and from the moment you are in their presence you feel cherished; like you’re the only other person in the world?

I met an older couple like this when I worked at the homeless organization.

Immediately I felt at home with them. We had a wonderful visit and I was sad to see them go.

After they left to go home, I noticed that the man had forgotten his wallet.

My first thought?

I would see them again!

I saw them many times after that but, it took me awhile to figure out why I felt so good around them.  It seemed to boil down to their ability to be fully present and listen.

What a gift!

Sadly, I am not naturally this type of person. While you’re talking, my mind is busy formulating a response to what you just said.

I WANT to be that type of person though and I am working on it. It’s a gift that I’d like to share with others.

~ DIANA’S ENORMOUS BOOK OF QUOTES ~

Have you ever experienced that gift?

The Bike Messenger

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200 words, coffee, Diana Schwenk, Diana's Enormous Book of Quotes, God, Homelessness, integrity, lessons, life, listen, living in the moment, love, poverty, Purpose, Who I am

When love and skill work together… expect a masterpiece. ~ John Ruskin

Photo credit: 2jere2beseder.com

Friday was a beautiful, sunny day so my bestest friend invited me for coffee on our favourite bench in Tomkins Park.

As soon as we sat down, Michael rode in on his bike with an important message on his heart.

The most life-changing lessons I have learned over the years,  have come from people experiencing homelessness.

One can learn a lot about what is important from those who have very little.

“Who you are isn’t who you are,” he said. 

“I am native. I am homeless. But that is not who I am.

That is not who God sees. You have to look deeper than that to see.”

Michael continued, “When you know who you are, you can act from love and do what you’re meant to do.”

Then he added, “I’m hungry. Going to eat some chicken now and then I’ll be looking for a wife. So if you’re still here when I get back…”

As he left, I turned to my friend and said, “Yeah, so we should go now,”  She laughed.

~ DIANA’S ENORMOUS BOOK OF QUOTES ~

Moving People

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200 words, caring, community, Diana Schwenk, Diana's Enormous Book of Quotes, integrity, kindness, listen, mission, understanding

Moving people begins when you understand them, not when they understand you. ~ Dan Rockwell

Photo credit: yag-u.com

Sometimes people I care about, say and do things that shock me.

Sometimes it even feels like they’re working against me or trying to discourage me.

Often my automatic response is to take a defensive posture.

I want to ‘help them understand’  where their views and actions fall short.

I consider it my duty to set them on the right path and I blast them with my point of view.

I wonder how many times I have made others feel like the woman in the picture above.

Maybe you do this too. I know that some organizations do this as well.

For some reason we think that if we keep on stating our case and justifying why we’re doing what we’re doing, others will just fall in line.

Think about it though. How often does that work when it happens to you?

If I can understand another’s perspective, then together we can find common ground. And from that place we are one step closer to working together.

~ DIANA’S ENORMOUS BOOK OF QUOTES ~

What do you think?

One mouth and two ears

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communicate, compassion, forgive, friends, Kamloops, kindness, Kitchener Ontario, listen, Montreal, one mouth and two ears, Relationships, speak, supportive

God gave us one mouth and two ears, we should use them in proportion to each other…

I’m a communicator

I love engaging in conversation

I love the back and forth flow of words

I strive to understand

I strive to be understood

On my good days I’m curious and open-minded.

~

On my not-so-good days I’m stubborn and it’s more important to broadcast my views.

The year was 1987.

Looking out the window

I was on a Greyhound bus with my best friend.

We were heading back east because her dad had passed away.

It was a 3 1/2 day drive.

That’s a long time but we managed to stay civil all the way there.

I don’t know if you’ve ever taken a bus across Canada without stopping anywhere to get a good night’s sleep and shower…

By the time we got to Kitchener, Ontario the bus was ripe with body odor.

We spent a few days there so my friend could be with her family and then continued on to Montreal, Quebec to visit with my folks.

When it was time to go back to Kamloops, British Columbia we’d become a little … well…sick of each other.

The 3 1/2 day bus ride back dragged on and felt like forever. We began to snap at each other over really stupid things.

Finally we didn’t want to sit together.

When we got back to our respective homes, we didn’t even want to speak to each other. This went on for 2 – 3 weeks.

During this time I gave some thought to our cross-country trip. How had it become such a disaster?

I mean seriously, the reason I went in the first place was to support my friend during a difficult time.

Why had I been such jerk?

I should have understood.

I should have shown a little grace.

I should have been more supportive.

I don’t remember who finally called who but we started talking again and I’m glad we did. We forgave each other and went on being friends even to this day some 20+ years later.

Today we joke about our ‘Bus Ride from Hell.’

A bus ride that taught me when I stop listening…

when I insist on broadcasting my opinion…

dialogue turns into monologue and relationships fall apart.

~

It’s a lesson I still have to remind myself of.

Sometimes I forget and am quicker to speak and slower to hear.

Today my best friend and I like to share a coffee at our favourite park

I’m not always true to who I am.

But as someone wise recently told me …

we all have our off days, so when you mess up just forgive yourself and try again.

So when I slip

I forgive myself

try again

re-engage in the conversation

and become quick to listen and slow to speak.

God gave me two ears and one mouth – I need to use them in proportion to each other.

Do you struggle with using your ears and mouth in proportion to each other?