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talktodiana

~ Igniting the power and passion in others…

talktodiana

Tag Archives: laughing at yourself

Looks Like I’m Gonna be THAT Senior

22 Wednesday Jun 2016

Posted by dianasschwenk in Humour, Hump Day Chronicles, My Stories

≈ 47 Comments

Tags

aging, bad eyesight, Diana Schwenk, embarassment, Fear, foolish, getting old, growing up, Hump Day Chronicles, laughing at yourself, laughter, Life's like that, vulnerability

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When I was in my twenties, I’d see many a senior lady with bad makeup. You know, poorly applied foundation or mascara marks around the eye or bleeding lipstick or un-blended blush, and I’d think to myself – I NEVER want to do that.

As it turns out I’m pretty paranoid about makeup faux pas because of it. And to make matters worse, my eyesight (nearsightedness) has deteriorated over the years. It’s close to impossible to put makeup on whilst wearing glasses, so every morning after I’ve applied my makeup I put on my glasses and examine it carefully under a bright light.

So far, so good in that regard.

Here’s the thing. I’m starting to wish I had been concerned about doing up my pants in my twenties because apparently doing up my pants is not worth the effort it takes these days.

The whole disturbing pants thing actually reared its ugly head in my forties. I would come out of, or go into the ladies’ room at work while doing up or undoing my pants. On a good day, I would remember to shut the bathroom door before sitting on the toilet. On a really good day, I’d lock the door.

Now, in my fifties, it seems I’ve completely abandoned the need to do up my pants. I can’t tell you how many times I show up at work to find that my pants are in various stages of being undone. The other day I neglected not only to pull up my zipper, but I couldn’t be bothered with the button either. I did however, do up my belt.

Thank God for small mercies.

It seems I am going to be THAT senior. The one whose pants are never done up.

~ HUMP DAY CHRONICLES ~

So what kind of senior are you gonna be?

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Falling on Your Face

14 Sunday Feb 2016

Posted by dianasschwenk in Diana's Enormous Book of Quotes, In My Opinion, My Stories

≈ 44 Comments

Tags

200 words, courage, Diana Schwenk, Diana's Enormous Book of Quotes, fall on your face, falling, Fear, friends, getting up, growing up, laughing at yourself, life, Life's like that, moving forward, start from scratch

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“Even if you fall on your face, at least you’re still moving forward.” – Victor Kiam

Most times, when I fall, I fall backwards onto my bum and sometimes the back of head hits the ground. I can remember falling forward one time. That time my hands were pretty scraped up as they came up to protect my face.

I have a friend who has fallen forward several times in the last couple of years. Once I was there when it happened. We were walking and talking and all of a sudden she was doing a somersault beside me and landed back on her feet as if choreographed. No real damage done.

But twice she’s showed up at my place with a black eye, scrapes and scabs on her nose, forehead and cheek. We’re not sure why she fell. There wasn’t any ice, what did she trip on? We’re not sure why her hands did not come up to protect her face (Were they in her pockets?) But both times, her face was swollen and bloody – quite shocking!

She just laughs it off. I mean what else can you do when you fall on your face?

~ DIANA’S ENORMOUS BOOK OF QUOTES ~

My Blonde Moment

03 Wednesday Feb 2016

Posted by dianasschwenk in Humour, Hump Day Chronicles, My Stories

≈ 54 Comments

Tags

being right, blond moment, Diana Schwenk, growing up, humble, humility, humour, Hump Day Chronicles, know it all, laughing at yourself, laughter, living in the moment, pompous, wrong

blondIN THE EARLY NINETIES I used to work at a hospital.

A certain janitor who also worked there could not contain the joy he felt every time he saw me.

Noooo it’s not that…

He was thrilled to bits because he could share the ‘latest’ blonde joke with a blonde – me.

Q: What do you call a blonde with a high IQ?
A: A golden retriever.

Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.

Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!

Q: How do blonde brain cells die?
A: Alone.

Q: What do you call it when a blonde dyes their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.

Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because, that’s where you’re supposed to wash vegetables!

Over the years, I’ve heard many blonde jokes.

So many, I’ve probably forgotten more than most people have ever known.

And every, single, annoying blonde joke has one central theme.

Blondes are dumb.

As a blonde, I have been highly motivated most of my life to prove that blondes are not dumb.

This has made me seem quite pompous at times. A know-it-all, if you will. A literal she-is-always-right-and-can’t-admit-when-she’s-wrong-and-always-has-to-correct-others poop head.

So maybe a dose of humility is exactly what I needed yesterday. A Poetic Justice of sorts. Perhaps that’s why I locked my keys and my purse with my spare keys into my running car after work yesterday and had to call AMA to come unlock the door so I could sheepishly slink into the driver’s seat and drive home.

~ HUMP DAY CHRONICLES ~

Regardless of your hair colour, ever had a blonde moment?

Talk to Diana


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