Crossroads

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afraid, approval, confusion, courage, Diana Schwenk, doubts, Fear, growing up, growth, Hump Day Chronicles, insecure, life, memories, mission, passion, peace, Purpose, Relationships, struggles, vision, vulnerability, writing

Several years back, I was faced with a difficult choice. I was at a crossroad. I was so inside my own head, I could not find a way out. I could not see a clear path. I hurt so much, emotionally, spiritually and physically.

Sometimes, when things seem murky, when I can’t see clearly, when I am afraid – I write. I write as fast as I can to capture the thoughts running through my mind. I don’t pay attention to grammar or political correctness or sit in judgement of the words that spill out. I just write.

I’ve long since come through that particular difficult time.

But yesterday I came across what I had written back then. It’s so weird to read it. Some parts don’t even sound like me, to me, not anymore anyway. It sounds whiny, helpless, weak.

And I want to edit it so bad before sharing it!

But maybe there’s some value in the rawness of the words. Maybe it’s, I don’t know – human-ish. And maybe it will help someone else to not feel so alone in their thoughts when they are struggling; to not feel like they’ve lost their mind. So here it is, for what it’s worth. As it was written then.

I am trying not to be hasty

I am unsure of myself

I am a peacemaker—I want to make things alright

I need support in things I am not even aware of

I am angry

I am clinging to ideals

I am struggling to keep the fire burning, the passion in my heart

I second guess everything

I operate by instinct and am struggling with process

I feel undervalued

I feel steamrolled

I am tired

I am confused

I take my responsibility seriously

I am a collaborative person by nature

I believe in buy in

I am overwhelmed

I am scattered in thought

I am afraid to fail/disappoint

I operate at best when I feel inspired—I don’t feel inspired

I feel like the things that are important to me don’t matter

I feel incompetent

I feel like I’m expected to magically be at a certain level

I have important strengths

I love people

I believe in impassioning others

I believe in our people, that they can be all they can be

I believe in my team and honour their strengths

I give credit where credit is due

I look for the good

I believe I was called to this place

I believe that God has a purpose for me

I believe in building community and promoting tolerance

I believe in breaking myths and stereotypes

I believe in healthy balance of life

I believe that my staff want to do a good job

I need clear vision/direction

I need to know that my superiors believe in me

I learn best through mentorship and experience

I want to understand and be understood

I know who I am

I know who I want to be

I value mentors

I value protégées

I try not to be judgmental

I live in the grey/the in between

I am not black and white

I believe there are many I’s in team

I value disagreement/different perspectives

I am open

I value constructive criticism

I strive to be a better person

I strive to be a model in decency by the way I conduct myself

I work hard not to speak in anger, but to eventually speak

I believe in kindness

I am a persuader

I offer a unique perspective

I struggle with loneliness—at the same time I keep people at an arm’s length

I am direct

I value honesty

I want to make a difference

I want to leave a mark

I want to empower others to make a difference and leave a mark

I want to unite community

I am generous

I am loyal

I believe in complimenting people, edifying them, pointing out their strengths

I am optimistic

I am impatient

I strive to be a good listener

I strive to communicate in others’ language

I struggle with authority

I believe God places people in leadership and I trust that process

I think staff morale is important

I don’t like phonies

I strive to be true to myself—I don’t always succeed

I have a hard time letting people in

I am drawn to confident people

I am repelled by arrogant people

I promote understanding

I am interested in the whole person

I value friendship

I believe in people

I want to be recognized/acknowledged when I do good

I believe in investing in people

~ HUMP DAY CHRONICLES ~

Have you ever felt this? Had similar thoughts? What is your strategy when you need to find your way?

Dear Government of Alberta

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Alberta, Calgary, communication, confusion, Diana Schwenk, Flu shot, Government of Alberta, health, Hump Day Chronicles, integrity, key messages, Purpose, rant, world issues

Re: The Flu Season and what you’ve told us about it.

Photo credit: hellogiggles.com

Let me begin by saying that I appreciate your attempt to communicate with Albertans. Really.

Also, I would like to extend my prayers for comfort and sympathy to those who have lost loved ones to the Flu.

Now, on to reason that I am writing to you and the business of keeping the public informed.

Please find following, a list of the messages you have shared with Albertans during the 2014 Flu season:

• Everyone should get the Flu shot
• Unless 90% of people get the Flu shot the larger population is compromised
• The Province has enough Flu shots for 23% of the population
• The Province is disheartened that only 42% of medical staff have gotten the Flu Shot
• The Province says they’re not sure how effective the Flu shot is if under 85% of the population gets it.
• 12 people have died from the Flu
• 10 people have died from the Flu
• 8 people have died from the Flu
• Calgary has 2 centres offering the Flu shot. Some people wait 4 hours to get their shot.
• People don’t have to panic. Really, we’re OK. Sure the more who get the Flu shot the better. (We’re really not sure what the threshold percentage is.)

WHAT???

Now I’m not saying that there isn’t a logical explanation for the contradictions above. You say you typically secure a certain amount of the vaccine and end up throwing some out because you’ve over estimated how many people will get their shots. I’ve also heard speculation that you were just way better at getting the ‘you-should-get-your-shot’  message out this year.

But you’ve got to admit that your messaging has created confusion and panic, and it doesn’t really matter if you have it all straight in your own heads if the rest of us don’t understand. Some of us, throughout this Flu season have felt manipulated by your messaging, at the very least, trust was broken.

Not being one to just point out errors, I thought I might also provide you some suggestions for next time.

A list of strategies you may consider for the next time:

• Plan out and have your communication strategy ready by August
• Get everybody who needs to be involved into the same room.
• Get your facts and key messages down on paper and agree on them
• Make sure your facts are accurate
• Make sure everybody is singing from the same song sheet
• Select your spokesperson(s) and make sure they’re well versed in your key messaging and can articulate the message clearly.
• If your spokesperson(s) can’t stick to the accurate, thoroughly researched, factual key messages you’ve bothered to put together, consider releasing the information on a fact sheet and leave it at that.

While you’re at it, you may ask yourselves what the common areas of concern are, i.e., what’s in the flu shot, what are the risks, is it true there are fish byproducts in the vaccine and what if I’m allergic to fish, or eggs for that matter  questions and include that information in your messaging instead of directing people to a long dissertation that no one can find on your website.

And for pity’s sake, if you don’t know the answer to something, just say so and tell us you’re looking into it and will get back to us. And then ACTUALLY get back to us. We can respect that.

You’re welcome!

Diana Schwenk, just another Albertan