“I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.” – Steven Wright
I can relate to the above quote.
I hate to admit it.
But it’s true.
I’m a generalist. And unless I’m totally enthralled with something, I learn just enough to be dangerous.
Like when I learned (and ‘learned’ is a very generous term here) to play the guitar. I learned 16 chords. I practiced till my fingers bled – yes. But when someone tried to teach me to pick individual notes on individual strings, I quickly dismissed the endeavor.
It was good enough for me to happily strum a few tunes.
I’m not a perfectionist and if something doesn’t work perfectly the first time, I make do, at least for a time.
To do otherwise would make me crazy.
Would make me obsess, get angry, be unreasonable.
So when my tap has dripped I’ve collected the water in a container. When the vacuum hose had a tear I’ve taped it up. When the chain on the toilet thingamajig broke, I’ve used twist ties.
~ DIANA’S ENORMOUS BOOK OF QUOTES ~
Shhhh don’t tell anyone, but some of my baseboards are held in place with duct tape…
I need your help. And I’ve created a poll at the end of this post to make it easy for you to help – please be sure to share your opinion.
I have a series of… umm issues that I am currently facing.
Well issues might be too soft a word.
I have some serious DILEMMAS.
Remnants of an IKEA loft bed
It seemed like a good idea at the time. I mean a loft bed in my daughter’s small room would create an area underneath for her desk and computer, thereby maximizing useable space. Brilliant!
But not only was this bed a b**tch to assemble alone, but as it turns out taking it apart reduced me to a sobbing lump on the floor!
I did manage to dismantle it but I can’t transport all the wood to the dump in my little car.
So now I have a neat little stack of wood against the wall.
Washing the walls is just not good enough anymore.
Dust seems to settle right where the two-by-fours are and is permanently staining the wall.
Deep scrapes from furniture, holes from previous pictures and shelves mar the surface.
How hard can it be to paint?
Other women do it.
Truth is I just don’t wanna!
Never mind all the business of piling furniture in the center of the room and taping baseboards (albeit cheap ugly ones) and finding big enough sheets to cover everything!
The fact remains – my walls need a makeover!
My flooring comes from the 12th century.
Ok, that’s a slight exaggeration.
But seriously, there are some parts of my carpet I cannot vacuum because the power-head on the vacuum sucks up the thread and unravels the carpet!
The linoleum is lifting at the seams and the original installers didn’t seem to care if the seams matched to the pattern.
I have a quilty-patch-worky floor!
I want hardwood floors or laminate or heck just strip it all down to the concrete, paint it a funky colour and lacquer it!
I love the idea of sliding doors. They let the light in and my southern exposure causes my plants to truly thrive!
But my sliding doors are always coming off the tracks.
Re-tracking (a word I’m pretty sure I just made up) takes a lot of strength and requires the following unorthodox method:
First, I have to pull them completely open. (this is usually done by sitting sideways beside them, bracing my feet on an unmovable piece of furniture and pulling as hard as I can in jerky, bicep-killing thrusts)
Then I have to push them to a closing position until they re-track. (this is done in a standing position with my legs set in a sort of lunge position)
Granted, pushing is easier than pulling but I never know the exact moment they will re-track themselves and often I go flying!
New doors would be nice.
Every single time I sweep/wash my floors or vacuum, loose baseboards come off the wall.
I have no idea what material they’re made of. I’ve tried securing them with glue – they won’t stick!
Nails, screws and thumbtacks are unable to penetrate them – they just bend and/or barely scratch the surface!
Whatever these baseboards are made of, manufacturers of armoured cars, panic rooms and end-of-the-world bunkers should have a serious look.