Tags
being right, blond moment, Diana Schwenk, growing up, humble, humility, humour, Hump Day Chronicles, know it all, laughing at yourself, laughter, living in the moment, pompous, wrong
IN THE EARLY NINETIES I used to work at a hospital.
A certain janitor who also worked there could not contain the joy he felt every time he saw me.
Noooo it’s not that…
He was thrilled to bits because he could share the ‘latest’ blonde joke with a blonde – me.
Q: What do you call a blonde with a high IQ?
A: A golden retriever.
Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!
Q: How do blonde brain cells die?
A: Alone.
Q: What do you call it when a blonde dyes their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.
Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because, that’s where you’re supposed to wash vegetables!
Over the years, I’ve heard many blonde jokes.
So many, I’ve probably forgotten more than most people have ever known.
And every, single, annoying blonde joke has one central theme.
Blondes are dumb.
As a blonde, I have been highly motivated most of my life to prove that blondes are not dumb.
This has made me seem quite pompous at times. A know-it-all, if you will. A literal she-is-always-right-and-can’t-admit-when-she’s-wrong-and-always-has-to-correct-others poop head.
So maybe a dose of humility is exactly what I needed yesterday. A Poetic Justice of sorts. Perhaps that’s why I locked my keys and my purse with my spare keys into my running car after work yesterday and had to call AMA to come unlock the door so I could sheepishly slink into the driver’s seat and drive home.
~ HUMP DAY CHRONICLES ~
Regardless of your hair colour, ever had a blonde moment?
Gabi Coatsworth said:
Funny that these jokes never apply to blond men, isn’t it?
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dianasschwenk said:
Yes. Funny. I’ve also pondered anger in both genders. Men have righteous anger. Women are often labeled hysterical. Funny. Thanks for stopping by and saying hello Gabi! ❤
Diana xo
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kerbey said:
Ah, yes. The power went out in my car in college and I didn’t know how I would get the locks open. It took me a bit to realize I could just GRAB THEM and pull up. Wow. I took the plunge and dyed my blonde hair red on New Year’s Day, but I still feel it LOL.
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dianasschwenk said:
It stays with you Kerbey! I tried red a few times, it always faded back to blonde! ❤
Diana xo
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Alan A. Malizia: Contagious Optimism! Co-Author said:
Diana, I’m sure our intelligence is not determined by hair color, but regardless, those blonde jokes were funny! No offense intended.
-Alan
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dianasschwenk said:
I’m not offended Alan. You know I searched and searched for a comeback joke I could tell him back then. And when I finally found THE ONE, I was waiting for him that day and blurted out, “Know why God made brunettes??” So ugly guys could get dates too. 😉
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Alan A. Malizia: Contagious Optimism! Co-Author said:
That is a great comeback! I’m still laughing!
-Alan
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Wyrd Smythe said:
As I’ve said many times, everyone eats a stupid pill once in a while. The trick for us all is to make sure they’re not part of our daily diet! 🙂
There is also the trick of being corrected gracefully when someone who knows something we don’t offers to help us be smarter. That’s a good trick to learn, too!
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dianasschwenk said:
Yes. It. Is. Smitty. ❤
Diana xo
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f-stop mama said:
I’m a brunette, but I still have my “blonde moments”, we all do.
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dianasschwenk said:
(smiling) Thanks f-stop. ❤
Diana xo
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Jean said:
It’s always good to be a natural blonde. It’s everyone else that’s wants to be blonde…just be yourself.
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dianasschwenk said:
We always want what we don’t have Jean. I’ve always loved black hair and green eyes. ❤
Diana xo
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Jean said:
Green-hazel eyes belong to 1 of my child nieces: she is half-Chinese. She has medium brown hair.
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Chatter Master said:
I’m as brunette as they come. Locked my keys in my running car TWICE. 🙂
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dianasschwenk said:
I am forgiving myself more with every empathetic comment. Thanks Colleen! ❤
Diana xo
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utesmile said:
Some I didn’t know… haha thanks.
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dianasschwenk said:
You’re welcome Ute! ❤
Diana xo
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George said:
Lol….I’m biting my lip..:)
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dianasschwenk said:
I feel like I should say thank you George. Glad you got a laugh out of it. ❤
Diana xo
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jmgoyder said:
Thanks for the laugh!
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dianasschwenk said:
My pleasure my dear Jules. ❤
Diana xo
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cyclingrandma said:
I was strawberry blonde growing up and red when I was quite young. It is now graying…can’t seem to replicate the color. Proud of the grey! I earned it!
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dianasschwenk said:
White (Gray) hair is a crown of wisdom for the aged…not that your aged Lisa. 😉
Diana xo
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Healing Grief said:
Great post Diana,made me laugh. I think we can all relate to your experiences, but I have to say, I am having less of these moments the more I practice being present! 🙂
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dianasschwenk said:
That makes sense Karen. I’m pretty sure my mind was elsewhere when I did that! ❤
Diana xo
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Deb Weyrich-Cody said:
Over the years, I’ve often wondered how many blondes(females) act “dumb” just to make others feel superior (and keep them off-guard; ) *wicked laughter*
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dianasschwenk said:
Oh I’ve employed that in the past Deb – worked like a charm. Marilyn Munroe is a classic example, that lady was not dumb. ❤
Diana xo
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russtowne said:
Yes, but there’s also the saying that blondes have more fun!
I too have locked my keys in a running car. My condolences. That is decidedly a not fun thing to do.
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dianasschwenk said:
It is not fun but I have to tell you being a member of Alberta Motor Association was one of my shining moments Russ! ❤
Diana xo
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Jennifer Kelland Perry said:
I love your hair, Diana, and I know your nothing like dumb! ❤
As for me, I've had so many colours I've lost count. 🙂
Paul had a blond moment the other day when he too locked his keys in the car, and his hair is grey. Imagine my surprise when an RCMP officer pulled up to the door with him to get my set! (Don't tell him I told you 🙂 )
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dianasschwenk said:
LOL that must have had your mind racing LOL! ❤
Diana xo
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Jennifer Kelland Perry said:
I wonder what the neighbours thought!
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John Buller said:
Funny! Well done Diana. I will use those with Evelyn and my girls!
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dianasschwenk said:
Don’t tell them where you got them from John! 😉
Diana xo
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Bruce Thiesen said:
I used to have blonde hair. Lots of it. Now, it’s mostly gray. Gray moments, like wandering through the grocery store aisle trying to remember what is on the shopping list that I left at home, come more frequently than I would like.
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dianasschwenk said:
oh gray moments, I have a gray streak! I hadn’t factored that in haha. Thanks Bruce! ❤
Diana xo
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vanbytheriver said:
Oh my. Hair color has nothing to do with those moments.☺ So many. And always when in a hurry. My favorite…purse on the roof of my car while I put baby in car seat. I drove off…ignored cars that were honking to warn me, panicked when I got home. Plane tickets and cash were in that bag for a trip later that day. Thankfully, it was turned it in to the police. 💖
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Val Boyko said:
We all have poop head moments! Now is the time to fully embrace them as being so human … Because there are more and more of them as we get older 😳
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dianasschwenk said:
haha yes Val, I’ve been noticing that! ❤
Diana xo
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Val Boyko said:
Maybe get your hair color changed …. you never know… xo
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dianasschwenk said:
I don’t need the extra stress of anyone calling me artificial intelligence haha!
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Val Boyko said:
😆
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Val Boyko said:
A classic! I have left many beverages on the roof of my car …
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dianasschwenk said:
Wow, that is a stroke of luck Van! ❤
Diana xo
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susielindau said:
You forgot the best one. Blondes have more fun! I got waaaay more attention as a blond than as a brunette. Ha!
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dianasschwenk said:
Lucky you Susie! ❤
Diana xo
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susielindau said:
And you too!
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Don Royster said:
I have no hair to speak of on my head. So I have to put up with bald jokes. Like looks gravity got your hair and ran with it. 🙂
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dianasschwenk said:
Aww big meanies Don! ❤
Diana xo
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Louise Gallagher said:
You are not alone. I once locked my sleeping two year old daughter in the car, with my purse and keys inside!
And I don’t have a speck of blonde hair! 🙂
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dianasschwenk said:
Oh my! The AMA guy told me there are folks who do this so often he is on a first name basis with them! ❤
Diana xo
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Stephanie Barrett said:
I am also a know it all always right correcting others poop head…..they sure like me when they need to know something lol
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dianasschwenk said:
It always feels good to not be the only one Stephanie – thanks haha ❤
Diana xo
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