The tongue has no bones but is strong enough to break a heart. ~ Unknown
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.
Or I am rubber, you are glue. Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you.
But is that true? Is that our experience?
As children we were taught those verses.
They were meant to toughen us up.
To not care so much about what others thought of us.
Even now, as adults we hear that, “What others think of me, is none of my business.”
But words are powerful.
They have the power to encourage, to lift someone up.
They also have the power to destroy, to tear someone down.
Shouldn’t we choose our words carefully?
Or is it possible to be too careful? To NOT say something that needs to be said?
To fail to correct a behavior, for example?
Maybe it is not the words we choose to speak, but the motivation behind the words we speak.
Maybe if we speak with love, though the words may hurt, the listener will be strengthened by the love in which they are given.
~ DIANA’S ENORMOUS BOOK OF QUOTES ~
markbialczak said:
Messages of love mean so much, Diana. I read them from you, I know they carry weight. ❤
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dianasschwenk said:
They do indeed, and thank you Mark. ❤
Diana xo
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rachelcarrera said:
Ah, that’s very wise! 🙂
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dianasschwenk said:
I try Rachel! ❤
Diana xo
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Jim McKeever said:
Very well said, Diana … Thank you.
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dianasschwenk said:
Why thank you very much kind sir! ❤
Diana xo
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gingeralicia88 said:
I think words are indeed very powerful. It’s only been recently, since I’ve become more confident about myself, that I’ve been able to live up to the first verse, which I remember repeating in my head as a child whenever anyone said anything mean. But in those tender child and teen years I was never able to fully ignore what was said out of spite. I think we definitely should be careful about what we say to people and the way we bring what we say. In fact I think words could probably hurt more than anything physical in some cases. Especially in today’s society in which people are so easily able to saying mean things to others though the internet/social media.
What you said about speaking with love is exactly the way we should deal with what we say to others and how we say it. You worded it perfectly! ❤ 🙂
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dianasschwenk said:
Thanks for your kind words and sharing so openly here Alicia. ❤
Diana xo
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Alan A. Malizia: Contagious Optimism! Co-Author said:
Diana,
We should proceed with prudence.
If what we are about to say is more for our benefit than another, then it is better left un-said. For no true good will come from it.
-Alan
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dianasschwenk said:
Also great advice Alan! ❤
Diana xo
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mrs fringe said:
Yes, I believe words have enormous power (surprised? 😉 ) They take inform us, shape us, take us away from the everyday, show us options, and resonate long after visible wounds have healed.
Not just what the words say but all they don’t say.
xoxo
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dianasschwenk said:
So very true Mrs. F! ❤ And no, I'm not surprised. 🙂
Diana xo
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Wyrd Smythe said:
I see truths on both sides of the line. Words are not sticks nor stones, but the *ideas* behind those words have power to build and destroy nations (let alone smaller things). Wisdom is, in many ways, the ability to distinguish between good, useful, ideas and bad, destructive, ones. As is so often true, knowledge is a powerful key to that wisdom, to protecting yourself (and those you care about) from bad ideas.
The “rubber-glue” thing points out that insults usually say more about the insulter than the insulted, and in that case words cannot really ever hurt you. It’s the power of rumor and gossip and lies that goes far beyond what sticks and stone can do.
And words, and the ideas behind them, are also the language of love and learning and compassion and community and communication. It is through words that we learn we are not alone, that others share our ideas and dreams and goals.
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dianasschwenk said:
As always, thanks for going deeper Smitty! ❤
Diana xo
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Wyrd Smythe said:
Oh, you should never ever hand me a tempting straight line like that! (Just pretend I gave the typical Michael Scott response. )
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dianasschwenk said:
LOL Smitty
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vanbytheriver said:
We all learned those verses as children, Diana, and repeated them, even if we knew better ! Nice post, lovely thoughts. 💕
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dianasschwenk said:
thanks van! ❤
Diana xo
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Let's CUT the Crap! said:
They say still waters run deep but words go ever deeper.
Fabulous post! 🙂
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dianasschwenk said:
Thank you so much! ❤
Diana xo
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Let's CUT the Crap! said:
You are welcome. ❤
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cyclingrandma said:
Words can last longer and hurt more sometimes– and in this age of instantaneous combustion- tweeting, email, etc. people don’t think before speaking/writing and that can be hurtful too. Nice reminder.
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dianasschwenk said:
So true Lisa, especially for our children! ❤
Diana xo
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bulldog said:
That last sentence is the one to follow…
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dianasschwenk said:
I try. Thanks bulldog! ❤
Diana xo
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snoothefreespirit said:
Reblogged this on snoothefreespirit.
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dianasschwenk said:
Thanks so much Snoo! ❤
Diana xo
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billgncs said:
I often struggle with Diana – especially in this age of political correctness. Can we censor harshness ?
Actions always matter more than words… but we need to choose our words carefully.
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dianasschwenk said:
You struggle with Diana?? 😉
It’s ok I know what you meant Bill. We can only control our own actions, right? Guess the best we can do, when harshness is directed toward us, is consider the source.
There’s a verse in the Bible that says, “A wise man takes no offense.”
I’m striving toward that. ❤
Diana xo
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billgncs said:
it’s a struggle with self, isn’t it. Words seem to be able to knock us off the ladder don’t they.
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dianasschwenk said:
absolutely! Probably most important when we’re raising our kids.
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billgncs said:
yes, our words and actions must align.
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billgncs said:
Well, I do struggle for the last word 🙂
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dianasschwenk said:
Do you? That’s never fun. 😉
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joannerambling said:
Words are powerful and words can hurt a lot, but if we speak with love the sting can be taken out of the words
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dianasschwenk said:
So true Jo-Anne!
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jmgoyder said:
I was very angry with the way I was treated at work the other week and subsequently resigned. In my email exchanges with the manager I used politely sarcastic words and there was definitely no love behind them. I can’t take those words back and actually don’t regret them but it has been good now to meet with her face-to-face and shake hands now that permission has been given for me to continue visiting the residents I’ve become so fond of. I will try to put your wisdom into practice in the future. Thanks so much Diana!
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dianasschwenk said:
Well their words to you were not delivered with love Julie. It’s no wonder you were hurt and angry. Heck I was angry on your behalf! I wish you lots of love moving forward. ❤
Diana xo
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Ian Munro @ leadingessentially.com said:
Great post Diana!
Two things stick with me.
First, we have the power to receive words however we want. If they are hurtful, we can examine them for the truth in them and discard the rest. This is a practice that takes some time to master, but has so much peace in it when we truly accept that others only have power over us when we give it to them.
Second, I think you are bang on with respect to delivering messages with love. If our heart is pure about our intent, we will listen and watch for the impact our words have and make sure that we adjust our words so that the message lands properly, respectfully and essentially.
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dianasschwenk said:
Well put Ian. As to your second paragraph, I found the following quote on my twitter feed today regarding leadership:
“If they can see you love them, you can say anything to them.” -Richard Baxter
Sometimes we’re uncomfortable with the word love outside our family and close friends. I think that’s too bad in a way. ❤
Diana xo
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Chatter Master said:
You are right on all of the counts Diana. We do need to be careful and responsible with our words. Know when to speak and when not to. On the flip side of that, we need to be able to hear what others are saying as well.
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dianasschwenk said:
Yes, very true Colleen especially if it’s really hard to hear! ❤
Diana xo
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Healing Grief said:
I like the saying “Be impeccable with your word” It is an important lesson to stick by. Of course we have all hurt others and been hurt by others and their words. I often believe if it lands of me, and it hurts, that I look where I believe that in myself. Why did it hurt? It gives me an opportunity to look within and see how I can shift it. This is a great topic Diana, thanks for opening it up. 🙂
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dianasschwenk said:
Thanks for this perspective Karen. I’ve often thought about this when someone is annoying me, i.e., what about their actions do I do as well? To apply it here seems fitting as well. ❤
Diana xo
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Jean said:
First time I’ve seen glue and rubber added to that aphorism. It’s stickin’ even better with me. 🙂
We learn the hard way …how to say something with more grace and love. I got a few km. to go on this one.
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dianasschwenk said:
So do I Jean – live and learn, right? ❤
Diana xo
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elizabeth2560 said:
Great post Diana!
I have one question though. If someone has hurt with their words, does one reply back or remain silent?
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dianasschwenk said:
Good question Elizabeth!
I usually get defensive and angry when I’m hurt by someone else. I wish I could let them say their piece and leave it at that for the time being. Then address it at some future point with them, once I’ve had time to process it. ❤
Diana xo
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Minuscule Moments said:
This is close to my heart, my child is going through a tough time at school due to someone else’s negative words, Diana. It hurts to see him hurting and so we teach him to try and laugh it off and not give his power away by reacting. Its a hard lesson for all of us. Laughter is the key and pretending whatever they say is not important. Needless to say we have enrolled him in Karate lessons too.
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dianasschwenk said:
Oh Kath, I know what you mean. My daughter was bullied in school and it was so painful to know she was going through that. ❤
Diana xo
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russtowne said:
Reblogged this on A Grateful Man and commented:
There is much wisdom in Diana’s post. It’s all about the love behind the words and actions, love that wants nothing more than for others to experience lasting joy. May you be surrounded by such love, my friends.
With Love,
Russ
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russtowne said:
There is much wisdom in your post, Diana. It’s all about the love behind the words and actions. Love that wants nothing more than for others to experience lasting joy. May you be surrounded by such love, my friend. I’m reblogging your beautiful post.
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dianasschwenk said:
Oh thank you for that beautiful wish for me Russ and for reblogging my post. I wish you the same times 10! ❤
Diana xo
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Deb Weyrich-Cody said:
Thanks Diana!
(As with so many things; it’s not what you say, it’s the way that you say it; )
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dianasschwenk said:
Ain’t that the truth Deb. ❤
Diana xo
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Val Boyko said:
I love this post Diana! Thank you for saying what is on a lot of people’s minds … or at least mine 😉
I heard the other day that the intention behind the words we choose is key. Checking in with ourselves and asking “Am I coming from love and intelligence or am I coming from fear?”
The use of love and intelligence is to open up to the unknown intelligence within us all. Fear is when we come from our smaller ego self who wants to keeps things safe and in control.
xo
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dianasschwenk said:
Well put Val – thank you! ❤
Diana xo
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Jennifer's Journal said:
Yes, speak with love, but also be clear as to what the motivation is. Words, as well as actions, that are not chosen correctly have the power to undo any love professed.
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dianasschwenk said:
I agree Jennifer – you are a wise woman! ❤
Diana xo
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Jennifer's Journal said:
Or an experienced one! ❤
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dianasschwenk said:
From which wisdom is gleaned! 😀
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Louise Gallagher said:
I think truth speaking can only be done in love — that question is always for me, will what I say create ‘better’ or will it create less?
Hugs
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dianasschwenk said:
It’s a good question Louise! ❤
Diana xo
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