The other day my friend sent me a text, “Google 36 questions that lead to love…”
“Nah,” I texted back.
“I know you will!” she shot back.
The next day, she popped by.
“Well?”
“Well What?”
“Did you google the 36 question thing?”
“Nope, forgot all about it,” I said.
To make a long story short, I ended up grabbing my laptop while she was here and googling the said article. It states that asking a particular set of questions will expedite the mutual falling in love of you and the person sitting across from you.
Not someone you know, mind you, but a complete stranger!
The article states that once you’ve gone through the questions you must look into each others eyes for four minutes. Geesh – that’s a long time to be looking at someone. I mean there have been times when I warm up my coffee in the microwave and before the microwave pings that one minute has passed, I’ve accomplished three tasks!
I do like the questions though and here are some of my favourites. To read the complete article and all 36 questions from the NY Times, click here.
Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share … “
What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
I can see how this exercise would help you to really get to know someone. But fall in love? Really? And some of these questions would be hard enough to discuss with someone I trust, let alone a complete stranger!
What do you think?
~ HUMP DAY CHRONICLES ~
Can you picture yourself going over these questions with a complete stranger? Can you even imagine that someone would be up to trying this? Can asking the right questions really accelerate falling in love? What made you fall in love with your partner?
The 36 Questions That Lead To Love as seen in the NY Times
talktodiana 
Some thought provoking questions, Diana. But I wouldn’t ask them of a stranger. They sound like ones I’d talk about with someone I am already in love with. 😉
LikeLike
I have that sense as well Judy. Having said that though, I’ve been known to ask people I’ve just met some pretty intense questions! ❤
Diana xo
LikeLiked by 1 person
Diana love the questions but a bottle of wine, a good meal on sunset and some idle chatter can be just as good. I loved the question about if you knew you were going to die, we all need to answer that one.
LikeLike
I like that question too Kath. Oh and wine…wine is always a good thing. ❤
Diana xo
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ooh! I can answer the mind-body question. I would keep the 30 year old body, as the mind improves with age anyway so I would be in front on both counts 🙂
LikeLike
haha I’m not sure it works that way Elizabeth…but it’s a tough choice and I want both; a healthy body and a sound mind! ❤
Diana xo
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hmm, that seems a bit far-fetched. But, if there is a “love at first sight” then it could be so…however if that’s the case, then the questions really wouldn’t matter. LOL! But what a fun read anyway! 😀 ❤
LikeLike
Haha thanks Rachel. I’m prone to asking questions similar to these anyway. 😉 Maybe that’s why I like them. ❤
Diana xo
LikeLiked by 1 person
LOL! 🙂
LikeLike
I tend to be more of a let it happen rather than a make it happen person. What value or longevity is there in the latter.
Like you, one minute is my limit, at the microwave.
-Alan
LikeLike
haha We live in the one minute microwave era Alan – love it! ❤
Diana xo
p.s. I think there can be value in making something happen, but who am I to say…
LikeLike
I think the key here is to be open and honest with who you truly are and not hold back. When we hold back, we hold on to what we “have” not knowing what we “could have” if we just let go and explore the future.
After a few online conversations, I met my spouse in person and proceeded to tell him everything I could about “me”. My wishes, wants, needs, desires, thoughts and he told me his, We didn’t use these exact questions but we openly shared with each other who we were at that moment and where we wanted to be in the future. Four months later we were married and now almost nine years later we are still as much in love as we were the day we met.
It is possible to find love… but you have to be open to it.
LikeLike
I love this comment Cat! Would you per chance be the Cat I know in person?
It’s wonderful to hear stories of folks who met online and developed lasting relationships. My online experiences have been scary and I have not tried to meet anyone online for some years now.
Thanks for weighing in on LOVE. ❤
Diana xo
LikeLike
yes… I am the Cat you know.
I agree scary happens, it did for me too… keeping the heart open, can allow love to find a way in.
It seems these questions are designed to learn as much as you can about an individual. They also save time, why spend months getting to know someone when you can do it over one evening. If you like what you hear then you can move forward… and if not move on.
LikeLike
I knew it! You bring up some valid points here. Thanks for weighing in Cat! I’m sure loving the discussion here!
LikeLike
I think these would be great questions for all couples. Thinking of ourselves who have been together almost four decades I think they would be great conversations to have. Sometimes we think we know what the other person thinks but this could be fascinating.
LikeLike
Yes Sue, I’ve never been in a long-term romantic relationship but I have friends that I have known for decades and I’m still learning new things about them! ❤
Diana xo
LikeLiked by 1 person
Nothing wrong with asking some of those questions to determine compatability.
Otherwise, it would be hard to figure someone out when the conversation goes off-side away from the questions’ topics. Just as important since little stuff, can add up to bigger patterns of behaviour and attitudes.
As for the ploy to make someone else fall in love, sounds like a catchy idea by a journalist schlepping a story to the Times newspaper.
LikeLike
haha I know what your saying… it seems the article is based on research though. What made you fall in love with your partner Jean?
Diana xo
LikeLike
Other than the physical aspects… I love him for being calmly respectful, for being a friendly outlier, honest, patient, faithful, etc. He dislikes pomposity but will patiently listen to the other person/people …for hrs. I have less patience.
He is probably better described how he carves his own path/position:
He doesn’t cycle with a pack of guys/group of other people for daily “training”/fitness or company. He goes off cycling on his own for hrs., days and wks. with or without me.
I assessed him also: when his mother was alive: the mother-son relationship. I think that gives a lot of clues to the character formation of a potential partner and how the person responds over time. Also how he has been for his 2 children. How he responds to my family members.
Clearly none of above can be discerned from a speed date-meeting of 15 “key” questions!
LikeLike
Wow, you really paid attention to his qualities Jean – I’m glad you found each other. ❤
LikeLike
I think if the writer of that article is a single male in your target age group who lives in your acceptable geographical region, you should try to meet him, Diana. 🙂
Well, joshing aside, those questions were well crafted to pull out answers that would explore compatibility. But I agree with you in the belief that taking the next leap, to love, is not a given.
That said, what gives tests like this — and online sites where they boast of success rates and such — a fighting chance to make a love connection is that they can put two people together who want to find love. Being ready for that opportunity is part of the equation, too.
As for how I met my dear wife Karen, we worked in the same large company in different departments for many years and did not really know each other when we were married to different people. Decades passed, our life situations changed, we became part of the same social circle with felllow office colleagues and began talking to each other. And we liked what we heard and what developed naturally!
Keep talking to people like you do, Diana. Your curiosity and engaging manner are quite wonderful. ❤
LikeLike
Thank you for your very thoughtful response and kind encouragement Mark!
Sometimes I wonder why we try so hard to logically explain love and other times I really enjoy reading the science behind it. Maybe we feel out of control when we don’t understand something; if it isn’t laid out in a plan somehow?
Like you, I do love the questions. One question alone could support an entire conversation. ❤
Diana xo
LikeLike
Your post demanded a thoughtful response, Diana. And besides, what a topic. And it’s my nature. Maybe I should have an advice column … ❤
LikeLike
That’s a great idea Mark!
LikeLike
Interesting. Fun. Challenging! Now I must do the google search! ♥
LikeLike
or just follow the link I provided… 😀 ❤
Diana xo
LikeLiked by 1 person
I don’t know if I want a “plan” to fall in love by…… 😉
LikeLike
Especially since your married Colleen, right? 😉
Diana xo
LikeLike
THAT is THE main point. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh my! I smiled when I read this and thought that they really are great questions but…
lol — there’s always a but and a butt wanting to squirm out of it!
For me, I think maybe the fun would be in exploring the questions — a little bit at a time, not all on one date. I think they’re great and while C.C. and I have talked about many of them, some of them are worth exploring just because of the structure they present and the way they’re asked.
I think there are a gazillion ways to fall in love — the question is — what does your heart, not your head say? 🙂
LikeLike
Or what does the Fox Say? Sorry that just popped into my head! 🙂
Actually your comment reminds me of a quote I read and loved recently:
I have learned not to worry about love; but to honor its coming with all my heart. -Alice Walker ❤
Diana xo
LikeLike
I only asked Linda one question the day I met her…. “Will you marry me?” 6 weeks later we were married and 41 years later still together….
LikeLike
You proposed the day you met?? Wow, now that’s a story you should consider sharing on your blog! ❤
Diana xo
LikeLike
“What made you fall in love with your partner?” It certainly wasn’t a bunch of questions, but that said, those questions are pretty good and astute. 🙂
LikeLike
I think so too Don. I think they’d be good for friends to get to know each other better and perhaps even team building exercises in the workplace too! ❤
Diana xo
LikeLike
Yeah, I answer the questions and they think they are in love with me. Then they see me. Oops there goes another rubber tree.
LikeLike
LOL Don, I’m sure it’s not that grave. I think the exercise is meant to be done person. 🙂
Diana xo
LikeLike
That’s how they get you every time, isn’t it?
LikeLike
So funny, one of our radio stations took these questions and 36 couples on a date to test whether this worked. Apparently 10 couples decided to go on another date after talking and staring ha! Of course, how many actually fell in love, no-one will know, but its a good start and we never know that locking our gaze on someone, may begin a romance 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh that’s awesome Karen! I’ve been wondering how and if someone’s tried this and what the results were. ❤
Diana xo
LikeLike
No way could I do the four minutes!!!
LikeLike
Right? My eyes would start to spasm! ❤
Diana xo
LikeLiked by 1 person
Me thinks not, and I don’t know why I fell in love with Tim I just did, we just clicked and it felt right but I can’t say why. What I can say is that I cannot imagine my life without him
LikeLike
I’m very happy for you and Tim, Jo-Anne! ❤
Diana xo
LikeLike
A complete stranger? I don’t know about that, Diana, but if you really like someone and you think you might have good chemistry together, the questions (and the right answers!) might work. When I met Paul, there was so much chemistry, it felt to me like, at last, I had come home to where I always wanted to be. 🙂 ❤
Jennifer xo
LikeLike
Aww ❤ That's wonderful Jennifer!
Diana xo
LikeLiked by 1 person
These are great questions Diana!
They actually reminded me of the ones I asked a complete stranger called Don on Match.com … before we talked on the phone, met in person, dated for a year, got engaged and got married.
Its a great way of getting to know each other, seeing if you have compatible values, and to show that you are really wanting a serious relationship.
Yep – it lead to love 💗
LikeLike
I love that you actually experienced this Val – thank you for sharing your story! ❤
Diana xo
LikeLiked by 1 person
I will add that the chemistry has to be there 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
For me, that is definitely true as well Val!
LikeLiked by 1 person
“Can you picture yourself going over these questions with a complete stranger?” “Can you even imagine that someone would be up to trying this?” For fun or as an ice-breaker on a date, sure, why not. Sounds like a fun way to start to get to know each other. It would certainly kick off the conversation.
“Can asking the right questions really accelerate falling in love?” Nah, I don’t think so. Love is a thing that grows over time. A seed that takes root and springs forth from nurturing. There’s no such thing as “instant love” or “love at first sight” — those are illusions from romantic comedies.
“What made you fall in love with your partner?” Partner? What partner? 😮 The times I have fallen in love it’s been due to emotional compatibility and shared values, personality and mutual attraction. And the physical plays a role, too, but I have a wider range there than with the stuff that comes from the heart and mind.
LikeLike
Hello Smitty – thanks for your thoughtful response!
Using those questions on a first date? You’re brave, especially if you would be totally honest and vulnerable with your own answers! Did you, by chance, look at all the 36 questions?
I think sometimes, someone has said something that immediately raises my respect and admiration of them, although I’m not sure this has happened while speaking to a stranger.
As for the last point. I think for me there is chemistry or there isn’t and when there is chemistry, that’s when I’ve been inclined to look deeper.
Diana xo
LikeLike
Mos Def! “Chemistry” is what I was getting at with emotional compatibility and mutual attraction (you know me — I usually go the more verbose route 🙂 ).
I hadn’t looked at all the questions — just a few that you’d listed and saw they were the usual sort you find in such lists. After your question I did go look at the NYT article. I don’t really see any problem with any of them — I’m a pretty open person face-to-face, one-on-one.
Some of the questions seem to require knowing your “partner” to answer, but I thought the premise was you’d just met some stranger? Those would be a lot harder, since it takes me time to get to know someone. I’d be very hesitant to try to answer some of the partner ones with a stranger.
LikeLike
Ahh maybe that’s your area of vulnerability! My friend and I discussed this same question and surmised that perhaps, as the questions go along, you learn enough to answer the ones that at first glance, would make you think you’d need to know the person a bit beforehand. Hmmmmm
LikeLiked by 1 person
[shrug] Could be!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hilarious. Just goes to prove there’s nothing that can’t be learned by a Google search! ha ha
I’m a bit dubious of the claim and for me at least common interests, close ages and somewhat similar background are key– but everyone’s different. There’s no formula– no matter what the Internet says!
LikeLike
So true, everybody is different and those are great answers to my question.
And who can truly explain that spark – chemistry between two people in love? ❤
Diana xo
LikeLike