I’ve seen several stories lately on what type of toys people should get for their children.
It’s been suggested, for example, that if we buy dolls for our sons, we will grow more nurturing men.
That the traditional toy choices for boys are outdated and that we relegate them to narrow choices in their future if we do not expose them to dolls.
It follows that perhaps we should be buying little trucks for girls, thereby opening up their future choices as well.
Here’s what I think
I think it’s entirely possible that we’re over-analyzing this.
In fact, I think this topic could be filed under #FirstWorldProblems
I grew up with a brother.
I had dolls.
He had trucks.
Sometimes he played with my dolls.
Sometimes I played with his trucks.
Sometimes we played with both, together.
The truth is that kids have personalities at an early age.
Some are analytical, like my brother who took things apart and put them back together again.
Some are creative, like me who loved writing, drawing and playing in ways that engaged my imagination.
Some have other qualities like (Go ahead, fill in the blank)
It is more likely that things like good manners, treating others well, nurturing relationships, etc., are learned by the example parents provide them in the way they live their lives.
How about we just let our kids tell us what toys they would like, let them play the way they want to play and nurture the gifts they reveal to us through their play?
~ HUMP DAY CHRONICLES ~
What do you think?
Wyrd Smythe said:
Watching my step-son use a chunk of snow as a “gun” was when I realized just how true is the idea of “male” and “female” personalities at a very young age. I’ve heard so many parents say that, despite their best efforts to steer their kids into specific toy areas (deemed “better”), kids will be kids, and kids will play how they want to play.
Personally, I think the best gifts are the ones that allow a child to create new things. Blocks being a low-level example, but my step-daughter loved her American Girls app that let her create “plays”. She ultimately ended up doing theatre production work.
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dianasschwenk said:
Well I hope that’s true because then we can’t really screw them up with our over-thinking everything. haha ❤
Diana xo
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Wyrd Smythe said:
That does seem to be (usually) the way of it. Kids are influenced by so many other factors — especially today — that home life is just one piece of the puzzle.
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Andrew Chaim said:
I agree with your closing statement. That’s the best, and easiest, way to go about it.
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dianasschwenk said:
Thanks Andrew! ❤
Diana xo
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Maia Blessings said:
So true … a natural blossoming .. from the inside out is as it should be
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dianasschwenk said:
Welcome to talktodiana and thank you for commenting. What a wonderful way to word it Maia! ❤
Diana xo
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rachelcarrera said:
Thank you and Amen! I’ve been thinking this same sentiment forever! I’m glad you said something! 🙂
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dianasschwenk said:
My pleasure and thank you Rachel! ❤
Diana xo
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Jean said:
I have 4 sisters and 1 brother –but actually we had very few dolls because we were poor.
Maybe the idea is that the type of toy gifts one buys for children is not confine our choices to be gender traditional. Yes, I agree by throwing a bunch of toys in 1 box, kids will pick up with whatever delights them. Then they abandon and go onto other things in the box.
One of my brothers-in-law is absolutely adamant that his 7 yr. old daughter is not over focused on just the pink princess doll/costume/paraphanaelia. His wife (who is a doctor), my sister, isn’t overly concerned since she doesn’t go out of her way to cater exclusively to that princess stuff but doesn’t forbid her daughter to explore abit in that area.
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dianasschwenk said:
Sounds like they are reasonable parents to me Jean! ❤
Diana xo
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Jennifer's Journal said:
Diana, such a fun and thought-provoking topic! I loved my brother’s dinkie cars growing up but I also loved my barbies so I suppose I’m pretty well-rounded. ha ha My grandson used to love letting his sister put nail polish on him, even though he is a very boyish boy. I think the only problems that can develop is if the parents overreact and overthink things, as you said. Let kids be kids and work out their interests for themselves. 🙂
Jennifer xo
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dianasschwenk said:
So true Jennifer. I can’t recall my parents ever commenting one way or another on the toys we chose to play with…unless they made noise! ❤
Diana xo
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Jennifer's Journal said:
Now that you mention noise, Diana, we made plenty of that. Our action games included wrestling, making up plays and dances, and acting out scenarios we made up, like we were in movies or on tv. Creativity was alive and well in our childhood!
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Alan A. Malizia: Contagious Optimism! Co-Author said:
Amen to your last satement, Diana.
Perish the thought, that a boy should grow into a man; and a girl grow into a woman.
We, as kids, gravitate to the toys that best reflect our interests. When we get older we speak fondly of the ones we most cherished and laugh over the silly ones we thought so important.
The researchers are less interested in a lasting or misdirecting effect a toy might have on a child, than the bottom line-$.
-Alan
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dianasschwenk said:
Thank you for your perspective Alan. There are so many things we over think when you think about it… ❤
Diana xo
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cyclingrandma said:
Agree– let kids just play and stop interfering and analyzing so much! I wrote a post about this awhile ago.
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dianasschwenk said:
I vaguely remember your post Lisa, would you mind including your link here? ❤
Diana xo
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bulldog said:
I so hate it when these “experts” over analyse this type thing… I had a sister and we played either with dolls on cars… at a certain stage of life I went one way she the other… fr me it was the bush… and again at a later stage we both grew a little older and I wanted to play dolls again… these dolls were the friends she brought home… both of us grew up normal…. I think we have a personality from the day were born… hell let kids grow up in their own way with out interferring and they will all be normal…
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dianasschwenk said:
Thanks for chiming in bulldog. Your story is very similar to mine. And I’m normal too…whatever that means. 😀
Diana xo
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Wendy L. Macdonald said:
Diana, I absolutely agree with “let them play the way they want to play.” It’s been an exciting adventure watching the unique path each of my own children lean toward. I couldn’t have guessed or planned it out for them. And I remember playing cars with my brother (making roads in the sandbox was fun).
I did notice that my sons copied their dad more than they copied me. My daughter liked to put my shoes and jewelry on when she was a toddler (but my sons showed no interest in my stuff).
Blessings ~ Wendy ❀
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dianasschwenk said:
Thanks Wendy and blessings to you as well. ❤
Diana xo
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Minuscule Moments said:
Agreed, my son also liked the colour pink for a time I just think let kids be kids and let them play with what interests them. Love your thoughts on this Diana I have a daughter and a son and they both, when they were younger played with each others toys.
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dianasschwenk said:
One can learn so much about one’s children by watching them play, don’t you find Kath? ❤
Diana xo
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Minuscule Moments said:
Oh yes, we can and even as adults I am told we act the same in life as how we act in challenges and games.
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dianasschwenk said:
Yes, I think so too, at least I have seen this in my own life!
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Chatter Master said:
I love this so very very much.
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dianasschwenk said:
Glad you liked it Colleen! ❤
Diana xo
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markbialczak said:
GI Joe is a doll, and I had him, and I recall playing with Pebbles and Bam Bam Flintstones doll-like stuff, too. Barney was a doll, and a whole generation of little boys had him. RugRats. Doug and Patty Mayonnaise. SpongBob. Believe me, kids of both genders have been playing with this stuff with nary a peep. These psycho babblers need to think they’re reinventing the wheel and gender roles. Enough. I’m with you, Diana. Kids are kids and we all develop through nature and nurture and lots of different factors. Put away the magnifying glasses and the blablablabla 201 textbooks.
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dianasschwenk said:
and just let them play! Right Mark? Your comment makes me smile from ear to ear. 😀
Diana xo
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markbialczak said:
Let the children’s imaginations dicate the play. Yes, Diana, yes. 😉
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Healing Grief said:
We have definitely been conditioned in role playing our children over the years but children who want to naturally do the opposite should be allowed and free to explore the wonders of life! Over analysing any subject is never healthy! Brings back good memories of childhood Diana 🙂 Loved boys and girl toys!
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dianasschwenk said:
I think they should be free to explore too Karen. My parents never told me or my brother which toys we should play with either. Actually, I think it’s pretty cool that we played together a lot, regardless of which toys we used! ❤
Diana xo
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joannerambling said:
I have three daughters one of which was a real tomboy and is now a girly girl, if a child wants to play with a toy that is not considered for their gender so be it nothing wrong with it but I do think by and large we are hardwired a certain way which is why some people are gay, it is just the way they are. I also do not thing if a boy wants to play with dolls it means he is gay it just means he likes dolls at that point in his life. People need to stop over thinking things
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dianasschwenk said:
Yup. Overthinking is a killer. Thanks Jo-Anne!
Diana xo
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elizabeth2560 said:
I had three sons before I had my daughter. Naturally I showered her with pink flowery frilly outfits and all things soft and gentle. She WAS soft and gentle, a real ‘girly’ girl. The boys had always been louder and more active. People said that was because I was making her and them that way, I was enforcing the gender stereotypes. That upset me a bit. Nevertheless when my third son turned four and received a toy town lay-out and additions to his collection of cars, I decided to give her a present of a small red toy car so she could also play ‘boys’ games’. She went over to where my son was playing rrrm-rrrm noises with his cars, picked out a red car from his collection, then went away quietly and played ‘mothers’ and ‘babies’ with the two red cars. She was two. Some drives within us are simply that, drives within us.
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dianasschwenk said:
Yes! Elizabeth, my mom provided girly-girl things for me and nothing, then or now, is girly-girl about me. In fact, I drew on my dolls, cut their hair and basically threw them to the back of my closet. ❤
Just out of curiosity, what's your daughter like now?
Diana xo
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elizabeth2560 said:
She is still very feminine and delightful xoxo
It was a male dominated house in her growing-up years and she and I revelled in ‘girl-time’ if and when the boys were away. We still do.
xo
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dianasschwenk said:
So happy to hear how you revel in each other’s company!
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utesmile said:
I think too we sometimes over analyse things. I loved playing with cars and my cousin (male) learnt how to knit. Easiest give the children a card board box and let their imagination go wild….fun for both sexes.
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dianasschwenk said:
haha. Ok so I can personally remember hours and hours of fun playing with the boxes my toys came in! Good one Ute!
Diana xo
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Val Boyko said:
Great post Diana. A first world problem indeed!
What gets to me is the constant marketing of toys to children by gender and groups. There seems to be so much pressure at the child’s level for “must have” toys.
This is where parents and those of us who buy the toys need to bring awareness and a balanced approach.
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dianasschwenk said:
True. It’s a bit like the chicken and the egg thing though. Marketers use marketing what is effective or how can I put this – meets the perceived demand. So if they are marketing in a certain way it is because we buy it, so to speak. 🙂
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Val Boyko said:
Here’s what came to me … People will choose sugary things too – but it doesn’t make it the best choice 😉
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dianasschwenk said:
me, I like sugar and salt – together! 😉
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Val Boyko said:
Me too!! 🙂
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