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200 words, caring, community, Diana Schwenk, Diana's Enormous Book of Quotes, integrity, kindness, listen, mission, understanding
Moving people begins when you understand them, not when they understand you. ~ Dan Rockwell
Photo credit: yag-u.com
Sometimes people I care about, say and do things that shock me.
Sometimes it even feels like they’re working against me or trying to discourage me.
Often my automatic response is to take a defensive posture.
I want to ‘help them understand’ where their views and actions fall short.
I consider it my duty to set them on the right path and I blast them with my point of view.
I wonder how many times I have made others feel like the woman in the picture above.
Maybe you do this too. I know that some organizations do this as well.
For some reason we think that if we keep on stating our case and justifying why we’re doing what we’re doing, others will just fall in line.
Think about it though. How often does that work when it happens to you?
If I can understand another’s perspective, then together we can find common ground. And from that place we are one step closer to working together.
~ DIANA’S ENORMOUS BOOK OF QUOTES ~
What do you think?
talktodiana 
Hi, Diana. I have had limited access to the internet since last Wednesday, so I haven’t been able to read or comment on much here. Bear with me! Hopefully it will be fixed soon. x
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Jennifer, as much as it makes me smile to read your comments, my fondness, admiration and respect for you are not dependant on you writing comments.
Diana xo
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Totally agree on the importance of understanding!
I think what’s getting to me is that, if you see a sweet, gentle, caring soul such as yourself blasting people with a megaphone, then people must see me as using H-bombs or something. 😦
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Aww now, now. Listen blogging is fairly one dimensional. I have been called things like formidable, piercing, intimidating in person. 🙂
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How do we so quickly step from ‘help them understand’ to ‘blast them’ to a picture of yelling through a megaphone?
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I’m speaking of my tendancies and those of organizations that I have seen. Specifically when it’s more about being understood than it is about understanding. Even when helping someone to understand, I think it is a good practice to understand where they are coming from first. communication is 2-way and it is good to understand, connect in the areas that are agreed upon and move forward from there.
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I am one of those who says nothing I keep all my thoughts to myself, I am often worried about rocking the boat and then having a mess to clean up
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Who says you have to clean it up? 😉 Understanding someone else, learning where they are coming from, rarely rocks the boat though, whereas blasting your own opinion would, don’t you think?
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Love the picture! If people don’t understand simply say it louder!
Love the post. There is a book along these lines you might like “Learning in Relationship” by Ronald Short.
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Thanks Ian, the picture says it all, doesn’t it?
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I agree, though it’s not always easy. 🙂
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true, yet so satisfying if you do it right!
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I find Stephen Covey’s habit # 5 (seek first to understand, and then be understood) the hardest to follow; mainly because BOTH halves of the equation are really really hard.
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Yes it can be hard, depending on the situation, right?
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Your posts always speak to me Diana 🙂 thank you
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Thank you. You made my day!
Diana xo
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so nice to know we can connect across the waves 🙂
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It is!
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I agree, sometimes we need to take three steps back to get out of the immediacy of the situation.
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I was thinking one, maybe two steps, but three? Wow, you don’t mess around! 🙂
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three steps back from the immediate emotion always lets us see more clearly
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Yes. so true!
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Too true! *sigh* Why is it so darn difficult to do the most obvious, simple things? And, it certainly isn’t new…. “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.”
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I like to say you can lead a horse to water, but a pencil has to lead…. 😉
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With kindness as the halter
And honey in the water…
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Thanks for the reminder, Diana. This can be a …multi-year process to see if people can move themselves to a better place. We ourselves, can be a friendly supportive listener and cheerleader. And if the person truly deviates into self-harm, we can only warn them with our concern.
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Yes. Thank you Jean for bringing up this type of situation. When we think people are hurting themselves, most of the time all we can do is share our concern. We all have to make decisions for ourselves…in the end
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What do I think? I think there is much wisdom in this post. Thank you for sharing it, Diana.
Russ
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Thank you and my pleasure!
Diana
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Diana,
So simple and so true. I’ve never read the book, but my understanding is that Habit 5 of “7 Habits of Highly Effective People” is
http://www.goodreads.com/…/92125-seek-first-...
Stephen R. Covey — ‘Seek first to understand, then to be understood.’
Blessings,
Kina
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It may be! I read the book and took the course and I can’t remember!
Often we get stuck at the point of disagreement in life. If only we could take a step back and look past our disagreements and find and discuss the areas that we do have agreement. It is from there that we can begin working together.
blessing to you Kina
Diana
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Agreed
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This was so me in the past… and I was convinced that I could turn anyone to my way of thinking…. well with time I’ve learnt to rather listen and hear what others are saying, which is seldom the case when you are trying to brow beat someone else…
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Life is a journey of learning, isn’t it bulldog? I think I still initially take on a defensive posture, however, it’s usually internal now and so I can wait it out and then listen… 🙂
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Brilliant timing for me, Diana! I am about to take a bit of a blog break but then saw your post and, wow, it really hit home because my mother and I are at odds with my brother and sister-in-law partly because of verbal misunderstandings etc. I have decided to stay silent from now on but not even sure if that is the right thing to do! Jx
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Glad it spoke to you Julie. I hope things work out with your brother and SIL!
Diana xo
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xxx
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So do I – still tense!
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families!!! Intense relationships, yet so worth it, right?
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Not sure anymore argh!
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haha hang in there. You have a lot going on lady. One situation at a time, you’ll get there. HUGS
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