Tags
200 words, community, courage, Diana Schwenk, Diana's Enormous Book of Quotes, dreams, health, integrity, joy, mission, passion, Paulo Coelho, Purpose, Yes or No
“When you say yes to others, make sure you are not saying no to yourself.” ~ Paulo Coelho
Let’s face it. At some level we all want to be the type of person whom others can count on.
It makes us feel good, right?
Photo by yaymicro.com
But what happens when saying ‘YES’ distracts us from pursuing our dreams?
I’ve been giving this a lot of thought lately as I work out what it is I want to be doing.
It has become more and more important for me to be single-minded about pursuing my dream.
Does that mean I should never say ‘YES’ to others?
Of course not!
I must, however, be very mindful of the consequences of saying ‘YES.’
I must not let my yeses become a convenient reason to waylay my dreams – even if pursuing my dreams is scary and saying ‘YES’ feels safe!
When your yes to others means no to you, are you not robbing yourself from that which would give you and your community vibrant life and purpose?
~ DIANA’S ENORMOUS BOOK OF QUOTES ~
What’s distracting you from pursuing your dreams?
Does fear play a role in your decisions?
Oh…this is very good advice! I’ve learned that when I feel resentment, I’ve said yes when I should have said no. Now, I’m much better at catching myself before giving an answer. I ask myself “what do I Want to do?” not what do I think I should do.
LikeLike
I know what you’re saying Denise!
LikeLike
I absolutely love this, Diana! I’ve been contemplating this very thing for a long time. The whole ‘say yes’ to everything mentality has always drained me, because it has left a lurking feeling of guilt every time I know I need to ‘say no’.
“When your yes to others means no to you” is a brilliant way to put this conundrum!
Thanks so much for this!
~Andrea<3
LikeLike
Thanks Andrea, I mostly preach to myself haha!
LikeLike
I always say yes with the best of intentions, but I often cut myself out of my own schedule. It’s hard to take your own needs into account sometimes. Good advice Diana!
LikeLike
Thanks, we women cut ourselves out more than men I think…
LikeLike
I like how you describe “yes” as sometimes seeming like the safer option. It can be a complex balancing act to figure out how to best balance the yeses and no’s.
LikeLike
so true Sheryl – in the end though, I guess it all comes out in the wash….
LikeLike
It’s tough sometimes trying to balance the wishes of others against your own. Saying “No” to friends sometimes causes offense, so sometimes we end up creating white lie excuses to not hurt feelings. At least I do, because I just won’t always say “Yes.” I have mixed feelings about fake reasons, though. I’ve tried, “Oh, sorry, no, I can’t,” and not providing a reason, but most of my friends are noisy enough to ask the obvious followup question.
I’ve always wanted to use the response I read once in a book: “I could. But I don’t want to.”
LikeLike
I hear ya! It’s something that needs to be handled delicately. One off requests are a bit different than say, could you help for the next 3 months to get this thing off the ground kind of requests. This is more something that could interfere with a project you need to be doing for example. Make sense? Then I don’t feel bad at all saying I can’t, I have to be focussing on this other thing…
LikeLike
Oh, absolutely! That’s a huge amount of time to try to co-opt! I’d have no problem at all begging off due to other work.
LikeLike
(smiling) that’s good!
LikeLike
This is SO much a problem for me (saying ‘yes’ to everything and bearing resentment afterwards rather than discomfort).
Knowing you Diana, your saying ‘no’ to ‘them’ and saying ‘yes’ to yourself means doing things for ‘them’ anyway.
LikeLike
Yes, that’s what I trick them into believing haha!
LikeLike
ha ha. Very clever 🙂
LikeLike
I say YES too easily and too often!
LikeLike
you have a beautiful heart! When you do say yes, are you resentful sometimes?
LikeLike
Diana, I don’t know if this analogy fits here or not but I think it does. As a financial adviser I sometimes heard I can save for my retirement or I can save for my kids college education but I can’t save for both. What should I do? The answer I have always heard 100% of the time is save for your retirement first. And I know you are smart enough to figure out why. If we can’t take care of our selves do we want our kids to stop going to college so they can take care of us? No. We take care of ourselves first in hopes we have a little left over to help with their college. In the meantime the kids could get a grant, a scholarship, work their way through like you and I and lived to talk about it. They may learn to take care of them self anyway.~ So take care of you and your dreams first so you can help others. You certainly don’t want it the other way around. (my two cents)
LikeLike
I think that is an awesome analogy! I will tell Michaela she’s on her own and work on my future! – thanks for your two cents which are worth about $15 here! 😉
On a side note, did you know that Canada has done away with the penny?
LikeLike
I remembered that. I couldn’t think what was next, if you use a nickel or not. I am sure a smart kid like Michaela can figure things out on her own, as she has a great role modle / leader for a mum to inspire and motivate. 🙂 And listen, your darn country is so dearn big, I don’t know whats really that close to each other or not. If its no insultI think you areall great Toronto’arians. Great people!
LikeLike
haha OK and I will think of you all as great New Yorkers 😛
Here’s a bit of a visual. Toronto is just north of Buffalo NY and Calgary is about 3 hours north of the Glacier National Part in Montana… Helpful?
LikeLike
Great New Yorkers? It seems like a contradiction in terms but point taken!
I thought that part was all wilderness above montana. Montana is cold enough! Clusters of people actually live up there? Gosh I need to get out more. So you aren’t really that close at all, are you? That tub of Johnson’s Popcorn may never make it to you. 😉
LikeLike
LOL no but 90% of Canadians actually live 100 miles within the US border. Actually you’ve made me learn quite a bit as I researched border crossings. I found and saved a map of North America that includes capital cities and major cities.
I’m embarassed to say that I thought North America was just Canada and USA but it includes 21 nations and goes all the way to Panama! And then it’s south America!
LikeLike
I am a yes person, and find it hard to say no to people, when I am asked by people for help……………..I have gotten better though
LikeLike
May I ask why you find it hard to say no?
LikeLike
Spot on post! It’s difficult but doable. thanks. 🙂
LikeLike
Thanks Kristi!
LikeLike
It took decades-long for me to learn that I don’t have to always say yes to others’ requests. It became easier to figure out when to say yes, when I was able to discern what is a real NEED, and what is just a wish/want/would-like.
I’m ready to respond to my close friends and family’s and sometimes even strangers real needs; but I’ve learned to stop jumping in and doing for people what they are actually responsible for doing themselves. That leaves time for me to do what I need to do to take care of my own health and duties (and one of my duties is to have fun with the people I love, so that our relationships don’t feel only like a duty we owe to each other).
Good questions!
LikeLike
Thanks Tracy! It sounds like you are talking about the fine line between enabling and helping – am I right? This also is a very important thing for all of us to be aware of. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts here!
LikeLike
In some ways I’m talking about enabling — but also about the far more subtle aspect of jumping in to “do for others” when it’s not a necessity. And thereby, sacrificing essential time that could have been spent on working toward important personal and creative goals. I think most men have less of an issue with this than most women do.
LikeLike
Ok. I understand now. Spending and managing your time wisely is great advice! 🙂
LikeLike
And that’s a great summary–which I wasn’t able to come up with.
LikeLike
🙂 !
LikeLike
Hi Diana. I would have commented sooner but I was trying to figure out how to like this entry more than once … like 1000 times! I love this and with your permission will share it on LinkedIn.
It also reminds me of a similar theme in Brene Brown’s work where she said “I will choose discomfort over resentment every time”. What she really means is that we say YES too often and end up resenting it, only to avoid the discomfort of saying NO.
LikeLike
Thanks Ian! I would be honoured if you share this post. I really like that Brene Brown quote!
LikeLike
Great quote of Brene Brown. Thanks for sharing that quote.
LikeLike
When we say yes to something we actually want to say no to, I find it is usually to avoid the guilty feeling that goes along with saying no. And guilt is such a useless emotion a lot of the time.
LikeLike
Isn’t it though Jennifer? I totally agree!
LikeLike
So true Diana. Thx for awakening me this morning!
LikeLike
My pleasure – top of the morning to ya!
LikeLike
I love this, Diana! Very thought provoking. I especially enjoy this statement as an affirmation: “I must not let my yeses become a convenient reason to waylay my dreams – even if pursuing my dreams is scary and saying ‘YES’ feels safe!” Thanks for sharing. 🙂 Gina
LikeLike
Thanks Gina – I’m glad you enjoyed it.
xo
Diana
LikeLike
Diana, could you continue this topic in your next post? You are so wise and wonderful and your thinking gets me thinking too!
LikeLike
You’re very sweet Julie! Do you find you say yes too much?
LikeLike
Good advice! I have often found I say yes– to join something, an invitation, etc. and then realize seconds after that I didn’t really want to do it! Life!
LikeLike
I’ve done that as well haha!
LikeLike