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200 words, carbs, Diana Schwenk, Diana's Enormous Book of Quotes, food, gluten-free, health, humour, Mark Twain, nutrition, protein, Sugar, wheat, White bread
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not. ~ Mark Twain
I’ve had extra time on my hands lately to watch day-time television and since you’re all so busy and I care about you, I thought I’d pass on the ‘expert’ advice I’ve gleaned.
Eat under 14 grams of sugar per day. Milk has sugar, half-an-half doesn’t.
Use cream in your coffee.
Apples are bad. Wait – what!
Sugar is not the problem; wheat is.
Two pieces of whole-wheat bread will cause your sugar levels to spike more than a candy bar!
Gluten-free products have starches that will – wait for it – cause your sugar levels to spike!
7 glasses of wine per week is bad for women.
One glass of red wine a day is good for women. Huh?
Carbs are bad.
If you can’t sleep, eat complex carbs like pasta or two pieces of white bread, but don’t add protein that’ll keep you awake!
This menu sucks!
Conclusion: Stop eating and you’ll be healthy…well for about a week, then you’ll be dead.
You’re welcome.
~ DIANA’S ENORMOUS BOOK OF QUOTES ~
talktodiana 
Actually, it’s watching TV that’s bad for you. And paying attention to what other people say… that’s bad, too. 😀
I tend to follow Hunter S. Thompson’s advice about how life isn’t about getting to the grave in good condition. Life is about getting to the grave all used up with fumes in the tank, scotch in one hand, cigar (or chocolate) in the other, saying, “Wha Hoo! What a ride!!” If you die healthy, well, then you’ve left some life unused, haven’t you!
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That’s one way to look at it!
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Now I am jealous, that you have the time to sit back and watch day-time television!
🙂
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Haha It’s getting old quickly!
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Laughing. So, the best thing to do is to stop reading/listening to all the experts and just listen to what your body needs. 😉 Some of the healthiest people I know, like my over 80 year old grandfather…..eats all he wants and works still hard on his farm. I’m telling you, there must be something about fresh air, physical work and loud laughs with tears…..
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Oh I think you nailed it Kristi! Nothing like some physical labour to work off stress and calories!
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Now these type quotes I love… the differences between certain people is lovely… wine is good for you chocolate isn’t… then chocolate is good for you and wine isn’t… nobody seems to be able to make up there minds what is good and what isn’t…so I just ignore it all and eat what my body craves for…
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Red wine and chocolate dipped strawberries are very good for me!
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Haha – I think I could go a bit longer than a week 🙂
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I’m just going by what they say or my dad used to say:
you can’t live more than a week without food (although, we’ve heard of people living 15+ days buried in rubble waiting for rescuers)
You can’t live more than 3 days without water and
You can’t live more than 3 minutes without oxygen.
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I’m not as well provisioned as a bear ready to hibernate for the winter – but I think I’ve got a few weeks in me 🙂
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me too!
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I’m with you. I feel like I have done everything right, well mostly…then there were those toxins in my 20’s…but now look at the mess I’m in. Every time I get an invitation from a doctor I think I’m so dang healthy its killing me! Conclusion, EVERYTHING is OK in moderation..enjoy yourself! Have a cinnamon bun 🙂
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You’re absolutely right! I once heard a story/joke about an hundred year old Tibetan Monk who was at the top of a mountain he had just climbed. He was asked if all his sacrificing and eating well attributed to his long life and if he had any regrets and if there was anything he had denied himself that he wanted. He thought about it and answered, ” I want a f**cking Big Mac! 😉
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Yeah I so get this, one show tells you sugar is bad another says it’s good for you but fat is bad then you get told that only some fats are bad and some are good, ok lets go back to sugar you shouldn’t have sugar but you shouldn’t have the artifical sweetners as they are bad and cause cance and honey contains more sugar the sugar so can’t have that and then there is the whole sugar found in fruit argument some say it’s fine some say it’s not some say it’s really just as bad as sugar some say you should have brown sugar some tell us it doesn’t matter if it white or brown they are both bad some tell us we should be having raw sugar others say it doesn’t matter if it’s raw or not the whole thing gives us a headache…………I can’t have the fake stuff it gives me headaches so I try to just limit how much sugar I have ok I am going to end this with the statement there is only one R in sugar so why on earth do I keep spelling it with two………then having to go back and fix my mistake so bloody frustrating………..
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I quit eating bread, desserts and adding sugar to my coffee for a year once and lost 40 pounds! I eat bread again and bake cookies but have never reinstituted sugar in my coffee.
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I am officially confused. Why does food have to have so much math? I recall some expert giving advice that was actually simple. “Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.” Do you remember who that one came from? It was in the news a couple of years ago. Anyway… it’s a lot easier to remember. Thanks for the laugh! 🙂
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no but I remember even simpler instructions and groupings and you were supposed to eat from all groups:meat, dairy, fruit and vegies, wheat and grain. That’s what I do!
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Michael Pollan… a marvelous food author! That quote comes from his book, In Defense of Food: An Eater’s Manifesto. The book is well worth the read and very much aligned with Diana’s article here. (His book, The Botany of Desire: A Plant’s-Eye View of the World is another favorite of mine. It’s about apples (sweet), tulips (beautiful), potatoes (sustenance) and marijuana (pleasure). It’s about our long-time relationship with these, and it’s a fascinating read. (I believe this one was also made into a PBS documentary.)
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Funny post 😀 I actually just read a really good book, it’s really useful and you’ll read through it in less than an hour. I think it’s one of the more genuine books about food out there. It’s called ‘Food Rules: An Eaters Manual’ and it’s by Michael Pollen. Here’s the Goodreads link: http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/7701112-food-rules
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Thanks gingeralicia, I will have to give that a look!
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This is the first post I read today and my morning is now better already. Thank you for the laughs, Diana!
Russ
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So glad to hear that Russ – it was fun to write but hard because I limited myself to 200 words, there were SO many other contradictions!
Diana
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It has definitely gotten crazy. My mother always said everything in moderation… though not sure that applies. I think so! A balance of good food and junk food!
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I agree with your Mom. Listen to your body. Only eat when you’re hungry and what you crave and stop when you’re not hungry anymore!
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My mother also said to do everything in moderation. And, I agree with your advice about only eating when I’m hungry–though that advice is sometimes hard to follow. 🙂
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The few times that I’ve eaten past the point of not being hungry – I just suffer with all the pains of eating too much!
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at least you won’t have to do the dishes
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Ha! You’re the second person to say that! It totally never occured to me. 😉
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Perfect! Don’t forget the bonus to this plan–no dishes! 😀
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Never even thought of that!
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The sad truth is that my mind is never far from calculating how many dishes are left in the sink. 😉
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My sink is full right now. I’ve never owned a dishwasher in my life, so it’s all manual. 🙂
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I don’t have one either. But I have in the past, which makes it worse 😦
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Here’s my consolation. I remember a time when I had wash my clothes in the bathtub with a bar of soap and a fingernail brush. They took forever to dry and often broke the clothesline because I couldn’t wring enough water out of them! Life is better now! 🙂
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All a matter of perspective, isn’t it? 🙂
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Ha ha, funny, D. So much conflicting advice out there, isn’t it? Coffee is good, coffee is bad, whole grains good, whole grains bad, apples are good, now apples are BAD? Wtf? The latest study, contrary to the previous, says calcium supplements are back to good now. Until the next study!
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In one day, within a couple of hours I saw that calcium can shorten a woman’s life by clogging up her heart with calcium and then on the noon news how calcium add years to a woman’s life! I just try to eat right, I don’t take supplements – I just hope I get what I need from my food!
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It is amazing how different all advice is about food and dieting. Let’s have this healthy glas of wine together… cheers!
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Clink, clink – great idea!
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thank you 🙂
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My pleasure!
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Chuckling… Fun start to the day!
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haha! Glad you enjoyed it. 🙂
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