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The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not. ~ Mark Twain

I’ve had extra time on my hands lately to watch day-time television  and since you’re all so busy and I care about you, I thought I’d pass on the ‘expert’  advice I’ve gleaned.

Eat under 14 grams of sugar per day. Milk has sugar, half-an-half doesn’t.

Use cream in your coffee.

Apples are bad. Wait – what!

Sugar is not the problem; wheat is.

Two pieces of whole-wheat bread will cause your sugar levels to spike more than a candy bar!

Gluten-free products have starches that will – wait for it – cause your sugar levels to spike!

7 glasses of wine per week is bad for women.

One glass of red wine a day is good for women. Huh?

Carbs are bad.

If you can’t sleep, eat complex carbs like pasta or two pieces of white bread, but don’t add protein that’ll keep you awake!

This menu sucks!

This menu sucks!

Conclusion: Stop eating and you’ll be healthy…well for about a week, then you’ll be dead.

You’re welcome.