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aging, caring, Charity, community, compassion, courage, Diana Schwenk, easy-going, family, friends, generosity, happy, health, integrity, joy, Kamloops, kindness, laugh lines, laughter, living in the moment, love, passion, peace, Pinantan Lake, Purpose, Relationships, tolerance
They say we can’t choose the face we’re born with but we can choose the face we grow old with.
My friend Helga and I have lots of discussions about the things that are really important in life.
I have this theory that the older we get, the more intense our quirks become.
Say for instance, a young person is a neat freak. Everything has its place and every place has its things.
As this person ages they become almost neurotic about neatness.
Helga feels that the older we get the less tolerant we become and she points back to when we first met to illustrate this.
I hope she’s wrong but more on that in a moment.
~
I’ve known Helga for 27 years. We met at Pinantan Lake, just outside Kamloops, British Columbia.
Pinantan is a small community, and when I lived there in the 80’s it had a population of about 300 folks, including chickens and other livestock.
Just the other day we were talking about how easy-going we were in our early 20’s.
If one of us was cooking dinner when the other came over (unannounced) we would just set another place at the table.
Or if one wasn’t awake yet when we went to the other’s place, the visiting one would just put on a pot of coffee, sit right down at the table and wait for the other to wake up.
That’s right; we didn’t lock our doors back then!
If a neighbour needed help, we would just drop everything and head over there.
(Or at the very least volunteer our significant other)
We didn’t pay much attention to how others dressed, kept their homes, raised their children or anything else.
We just accepted people for who they were.
We had a certain laissez-faire attitude about life.
There wasn’t a lot of money in our community but we had each other and we shared our resources.
I had laying hens, someone else had a milking cow, we went out in groups to get firewood for the winter, we baked bread and cooked all our meals and made all our baked goods from scratch. And oh so many fun potlucks!
They were simpler times and we were happy.
I’m not sure how I would feel about stumbling out of my bedroom to find someone waiting for me in my apartment now – even with coffee!
What I do know is that I remember our days there with great fondness. People took each other at face value and we didn’t waste a moment worrying about whether someone was playing us or not.
~
For the last decade or so, my heart has been longing for that kind of simplicity again. I still look for the good in people but I’ve been a little slower to trust, a tad sceptical at times and downright inhospitable at other times.
I hope my theory is true. I hope that who I was at heart when I was younger will intensify as I get older. Because I would rather trust people and be burned than be suspicious of every person I encounter.
But maybe the truth is simpler. Maybe I just have to choose to be a certain way.
Maybe theories are just that – theories.
~ THE HUMP DAY CHRONICLES ~
I want to grow old with a kind face, with eyes that are crinkled with laugh lines and smile lines deeply carved around my mouth.
I don’t want to be a crotchety old fart.
How about you?
Slapppshot said:
Hmm, what a thought provoking little piece Diana…although we sometimes wish to be a certain way, circumstances play a part in how we develop as a person. With a trained mind, you can follow the path you’ve set for yourself…without one, you’ll almost certainly fall into the trap of self destruction as you age (hope you understand what I mean here 🙂 )
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dianasschwenk said:
well if it’s training my mind that’s gonna save me, I’m so screwed! hahaha
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artsifrtsy said:
I wonder if people coming of age now will reminisce about these days as the good old days. Probably so.
As a teen I used to note that some people became grumpy as they got older and a few didn’t – they kept their sense of humor and wonder. My grandmother was one of those and I think she thought she was living in the best of timed no matter what year it was. Could be that she just marched to a different drummer.
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dianasschwenk said:
I think your grandmother was a very wise woman and from what I’ve read, I think you inherited that gene. 🙂
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mindfuldiary said:
Sounds like real good times to me! I’m quite sure you’ll have those smile lines for sure and the rest are just details. I too miss simpler times. Like letting my kid go run outside byhimself, like I did when I was a kid, but we have different times now, unfortunately, and no amount of positivity can change that.. Although I wish too. Wow Diana, this is soo strange, that I posted similar pic and similar ending on my blog post today, without even seeing your post before this evening. 🙂 This is funny. Great post!
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dianasschwenk said:
ha! We’re on the same wave length! Are you perhaps a long-lost relative of mine???
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mindfuldiary said:
who knows?! Maybe. Haha
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joannerambling said:
You’re not a crotchety old fart trust me my grandmother (dad’s mum) one so I know what such a person is like
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dianasschwenk said:
Whew! Thanks Joanne – good to know!
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bulldogsturf said:
Oh how I agree to return to the old days and the fun and easy going times that they were….
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dianasschwenk said:
If I recall correctly though, I wouldn’t be able to blog about then…so maybe return to the old ways, instead of days… 🙂
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Wyrd Smythe said:
I wanna be both! Actually, I already kinda am…
I had an interesting discussion a while ago about how we change as we grow. We decided that in many ways people never change; they are at their core the same person (barring huge traumatic events) they’ve always been. Your core values don’t seem to change. Nearing 60 I still believe the same basic Truths about The Universe as I did in high school.
But we certainly do change in other ways. We age; we become careworn. We live with, are proud of, or try to hide the gray and the wrinkles. We start to make the same noises our parents did getting up out of a chair. We may become more jaded, more cynical, less trusting, less open as life pounds on us, but that’s just armor.
Ya gotta have armor these days.
I think what you said at the end is the truth. You are who you choose to be.
Me, I’m a crusty curmudgeon with a hot tempered streak and a bottomless sense of humor! (Oh, excuse me: “humour”)
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dianasschwenk said:
Yes I agree that we basically are who we are throughout our lives, we can change or modify our behaviours though. Oh and please feel free to spell it humor unless you visit Canada where you will need to spell it humour, neighbour, etc…
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Wyrd Smythe said:
I’m glad my northern neighbor will humor my spelling behavior! 😀
But you’re right; I could modify it…
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dianasschwenk said:
could…if you want… 🙂
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Wyrd Smythe said:
Could to… oh, wait,… never mind! 🙂
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Jennifer S said:
This is a lovely recollection. It makes me want to live that way, too. In our small town… that once was much smaller… I often hear people talking about the way things used to be with this same sense of missing something they used to treasure.
As for being a kind and gentle person as you grow older… I can’t imagine you being anything else. I do think you have a trusting heart. I see it consistently.
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dianasschwenk said:
ahh the way things were, it’s also possible that I remember things better than they were I suppose. Thank you for your generous and very kind words – I’m touched. I guess that Ghandi saying … be the change you want to see…applies and I need to continiously act in the way I want to live whether in a small community or in this big Canadian city!
I really appreciate you Jennifer!
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elizabeth2560 said:
Your post describes my upbringing. We didn’t lock doors and people just dropped by and suddenly there would be cards or board games or ‘another cup of water in the soup” to make it go round. I sometimes yearn for a return to that lifestyle and yet also love my privacy. However, it is a change I would like to aim for – a return of the old ways.
A an aside, a friend of mine who was the ultimate “neat-freak” in her twenties has actually mellowed as she has aged.
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dianasschwenk said:
she had kids right? that’s what happened to me to either drive me over the edge or just mellow out. I chose to mellow out!
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elizabeth2560 said:
Yes, definitely there was a big mellowing as her kids grew up, but even bigger mellowing now she is a grandmother!
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dianasschwenk said:
and as wise as one I imagine!
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stuffitellmysister said:
your heart is golden….so will be your future!
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dianasschwenk said:
thank you my dear!
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stuffitellmysister said:
🙂
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mylifeisthebestlife said:
Honestly? I DREAM of walking into my kitchen and seeing a good friend who let herself in and made coffee. If I could live somewhere that had that, I would be at peace.
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dianasschwenk said:
there definitely are appealing aspects to that! One being I would haven’t to wait for the coffee to brew!
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Brigitte said:
D, I love this post and can relate to this sooo much. I grew up in the countryside and how you’ve described what you experienced is what I did as well. I like your theory! I think the older we get the more we realize how wonderful simplicity is. Lovely post! (p.s. I don’t want to be a crochety old fart either, but I kind of think you have to be like that to begin with). You seem to realize there’s far more good in this world that bad — just don’t watch t.v. and it’s much easier to realize this. ;).
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dianasschwenk said:
ha I hardly watch TV, maybe that’s the ticket!
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mrs fringe said:
I would like things to be simpler, I would like life to be easier. But I don’t think I would like waking up to someone else in my kitchen 😉
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dianasschwenk said:
I hear you on that one! 😉
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mrs fringe said:
I’ll tell you one thing, I was thinking of the beautiful photo the entire trip to Flower Child’s school and back 🙂
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dianasschwenk said:
of the old woman’s face?
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mrs fringe said:
Yes, I love it!
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this is lemonade said:
From time to time you meet an elderly person with those smile lines and twinkle in their eyes. I am always captivated by that beauty. It’s not just an inner beauty, it really is an accumulation of years of good living I believe. I always wonder if I’m making a good investment into my aged face (if I live that long) because I would much rather be a lovely old lady than a grouchy old hag (sorry, I don’t normally call anyone that, but it’s unfortunately a word commonly used of old females!)
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dianasschwenk said:
…making an investment into my aged face… I like that! I too, am drawn to lovely aged faces!
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Louise G. said:
So… crotchety old fart is not a term I would ever even think to connect to you — young or old.
I think of you as kind, caring, funny, inspiring, welcoming, insightful, intelligent, open, curious, courageous… and given those are the things I see in you today, I can only imagine how much deeper they will become as you grow into all you are today!
My theory is, life etches its journey on our bodies with every passing experience — our job is to light up the lines in Love.
You my friend are a great ‘lighter upper’!
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dianasschwenk said:
I like your theory and am blessed out of my socks by your observations of me! Thank you so much Louise!
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cyclingrandma said:
Sounds like a plan! Love the image of where you lived, loved that you had chickens. My parents still think they can just drop in on people like they always did… how times have changed.
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dianasschwenk said:
(smiling) How community has changed! Perhaps we have gained certain things but I can’t help but wonder about all the ‘connecting’ we have lost in changing.
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