Tags
communicate, compassion, forgive, friends, Kamloops, kindness, Kitchener Ontario, listen, Montreal, one mouth and two ears, Relationships, speak, supportive
God gave us one mouth and two ears, we should use them in proportion to each other…
I’m a communicator
I love engaging in conversation
I love the back and forth flow of words
I strive to understand
I strive to be understood
On my good days I’m curious and open-minded.
~
On my not-so-good days I’m stubborn and it’s more important to broadcast my views.
The year was 1987.
Looking out the window
I was on a Greyhound bus with my best friend.
We were heading back east because her dad had passed away.
It was a 3 1/2 day drive.
That’s a long time but we managed to stay civil all the way there.
I don’t know if you’ve ever taken a bus across Canada without stopping anywhere to get a good night’s sleep and shower…
By the time we got to Kitchener, Ontario the bus was ripe with body odor.
We spent a few days there so my friend could be with her family and then continued on to Montreal, Quebec to visit with my folks.
When it was time to go back to Kamloops, British Columbia we’d become a little … well…sick of each other.
The 3 1/2 day bus ride back dragged on and felt like forever. We began to snap at each other over really stupid things.
Finally we didn’t want to sit together.
When we got back to our respective homes, we didn’t even want to speak to each other. This went on for 2 – 3 weeks.
During this time I gave some thought to our cross-country trip. How had it become such a disaster?
I mean seriously, the reason I went in the first place was to support my friend during a difficult time.
Why had I been such jerk?
I should have understood.
I should have shown a little grace.
I should have been more supportive.
I don’t remember who finally called who but we started talking again and I’m glad we did. We forgave each other and went on being friends even to this day some 20+ years later.
Today we joke about our ‘Bus Ride from Hell.’
A bus ride that taught me when I stop listening…
when I insist on broadcasting my opinion…
dialogue turns into monologue and relationships fall apart.
~
It’s a lesson I still have to remind myself of.
Sometimes I forget and am quicker to speak and slower to hear.
Today my best friend and I like to share a coffee at our favourite park
I’m not always true to who I am.
But as someone wise recently told me …
we all have our off days, so when you mess up just forgive yourself and try again.
So when I slip
I forgive myself
try again
re-engage in the conversation
and become quick to listen and slow to speak.
God gave me two ears and one mouth – I need to use them in proportion to each other.
Do you struggle with using your ears and mouth in proportion to each other?
talktodiana 
Thank you for the reminder, Diana. About half the time a close friend and I went on a road trip we ended up angry at each other. I like to think we’re way past such things now. But then again, he lives in another state and we haven’t had a road trip in decades! ;-D!
Russ
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I don’t think I’ve grown out of it. I tend to get persnickity whilst traveling!
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I was taught long ago, “If you’re talking, you’re not listening. If you’re not listening, you’re not learning. Learning is more interesting, so shut up already.”
😀
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haha! harsh but so true! Hey good to hear from you again Smitty!
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Well, I’m all about the tough love (and tender chicken)!
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3 1/2 days on a bus!!!!!
Well, it seems like you learned a lot.
I could learn to listen a lot better, for sure.
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me too!
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Lol! 😉
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Hope you had a great Thanksgiving and are in the midst of a great Thanksgiving weekend!
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Thanks Russel! Our thanksgiving in Canada was in October and I had an awesome thanksgiving. Met up with a friend in beautiful british columbia and caught up with each other’s lives. I wish you and all my American friends a happy American Thanksgiving!
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Diana,
It seems that talking too much and listening too little has been a lifelong issue for me. In my third grade year at school my family moved elsewhere. A year and a half later I returned to the school I had previously attended. Things were much different for me and I was hesitant and reserved when entering the fifth grade classroom, searching the faces gazing back at me.
One girl immediately became excited and called out to me, waving me over to sit by her.
I was relieved, until the teacher spoke: “uh oh, we have ourselves another talker.”
Then I felt mortified.
I too used to broadcast and monologue my way through relationships. I became the droning, “blah blah blah,” adult lecturing my way through parenting and interrupting other people’s interruptions of me.
I’ve managed to temper that a little. During my hour long phone call with my son yesterday he only had to remind me to let him finish speaking once.
Ha!
Wonderful lesson and great story. So glad you guys are still friends.
Blessings,
Kina
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There are those of us who struggle to tone it down and others who struggle to find their voice…that’s just the way the cookie crumbles.
But from what I’ve seen here Kina, you do listen and are thoughtful in your responses. 🙂
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Yeah I know some people who act like they have two mouths and no ears they talk so much and so loud and never listen unless the topic is about them……lol
Now I do not know how I would cope on a bus ride like that maybe when I was younger but no days I get restless and need to get up and move about often.
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haha my favourite kind of people!
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It is not many people who can survive such closeness as a road trip and stay together. Congratulations on surviving that and remaining friends all these years later!
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thank you – I think it helped that we were in our 20s – we were more accepting and forgiving then!
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My mom’s funeral was in the middle of a long series of business trips. I flew home for a week and rejoined my team afterward. The coworker I roomed with was terrific for about 24 hours, and she was done. I don’t blame her, she couldn’t have understood where my head was at the time. We were all young and stupid – we all got through it though and we all still like each other. Your advice is spot on but not easy to pull off. A good reminder to be sure.
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Not easy is right! At least for me. It’s hard to keep one’s self on a 24/7 basis. when traveling you don’t get that break, that space to regroup and come back to something with renewed energy and determination.
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I really only know one person I can travel like that with and have a good time no matter what – My SIL put us in a ditch in Costa Rica and we were laughing the whole time. It’s a rare thing:)
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Also, it seems, in my case anyway, the closer I am to someone, the less I worry about being intentional about communicating…you know, taking someone forgranted…and that’s just bad!
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It can be, but it’s so nice to not need to try sometimes.
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I still have my good days and my bad days!!! Long trips driving to Mexico on a van were very similar to your story….by the end we were simply grunting at each other 🙂 .Way to pull it all together for us. Love your pic at the park 🙂
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Thanks very much! Yes a trip can sure test any relationship!
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amen!
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I am not very assertive or outspoken in my day-to-day life so I can probably relate more to your friend in this situation – haha! The wonderful thing is you both survived this temporary friction and are still friends and that shows how great you are Diana!
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Actually we were both doing the same thing…however, she was going through a difficult time, I should have been more considerate. hahaha great! I’m more um…hot-headed? maybe opinionated? At least I’m sincere and honest right?
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That’s why I adore you!
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I adore you too Julie!
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Great story, you sure brought that bus trip to life. I hope I’ve gotten better at holding the mouth in check– but struggled with it through college.
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It comes and goes for me. If I’m tired, cold, hungry or all of the above, I become all about broadcasting!
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Oh how wise this is… I’m the same, when I get the bit between my teeth I can be a real pain in the tail, I won’t listen and get frustrated that the other person won’t see my point… sometimes to such an extent that after awhile, the other person will tell me I’m not listening as they have been agreeing with me… very much a case of all mouth and no ears… good post, one everyone should read…
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Thanks for sharing your comment and always, for stopping by!
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