Tags
alone, Baseboard, Construction and Maintenance, Diana Schwenk, duct tape, Floor, need a man, paint, Relationships, single
…or do I?
I need your help. And I’ve created a poll at the end of this post to make it easy for you to help – please be sure to share your opinion.
I have a series of… umm issues that I am currently facing.
Well issues might be too soft a word.
I have some serious DILEMMAS.
~
Remnants of an IKEA loft bed
It seemed like a good idea at the time. I mean a loft bed in my daughter’s small room would create an area underneath for her desk and computer, thereby maximizing useable space. Brilliant!
But not only was this bed a b**tch to assemble alone, but as it turns out taking it apart reduced me to a sobbing lump on the floor!
I did manage to dismantle it but I can’t transport all the wood to the dump in my little car.
So now I have a neat little stack of wood against the wall.
Firewood anyone?
~
Walls
Washing the walls is just not good enough anymore.
Dust seems to settle right where the two-by-fours are and is permanently staining the wall.
Deep scrapes from furniture, holes from previous pictures and shelves mar the surface.
How hard can it be to paint?
Other women do it.
Truth is I just don’t wanna!
Never mind all the business of piling furniture in the center of the room and taping baseboards (albeit cheap ugly ones) and finding big enough sheets to cover everything!
The fact remains – my walls need a makeover!
~
Flooring
My flooring comes from the 12th century.
Ok, that’s a slight exaggeration.
But seriously, there are some parts of my carpet I cannot vacuum because the power-head on the vacuum sucks up the thread and unravels the carpet!
The linoleum is lifting at the seams and the original installers didn’t seem to care if the seams matched to the pattern.
I have a quilty-patch-worky floor!
I want hardwood floors or laminate or heck just strip it all down to the concrete, paint it a funky colour and lacquer it!
~
Sliding doors
I love the idea of sliding doors. They let the light in and my southern exposure causes my plants to truly thrive!
But my sliding doors are always coming off the tracks.
Re-tracking (a word I’m pretty sure I just made up) takes a lot of strength and requires the following unorthodox method:
First, I have to pull them completely open. (this is usually done by sitting sideways beside them, bracing my feet on an unmovable piece of furniture and pulling as hard as I can in jerky, bicep-killing thrusts)
Then I have to push them to a closing position until they re-track. (this is done in a standing position with my legs set in a sort of lunge position)
Granted, pushing is easier than pulling but I never know the exact moment they will re-track themselves and often I go flying!
New doors would be nice.
~
Baseboards
Every single time I sweep/wash my floors or vacuum, loose baseboards come off the wall.
I have no idea what material they’re made of. I’ve tried securing them with glue – they won’t stick!
Nails, screws and thumbtacks are unable to penetrate them – they just bend and/or barely scratch the surface!
Whatever these baseboards are made of, manufacturers of armoured cars, panic rooms and end-of-the-world bunkers should have a serious look.
A few days ago, I hit an all-time low.
I duct taped the loose baseboard to the wall.
Oh the shame!
~
Executive Summary
I’m ok with the fact that there are just some things that men do better.
Just as I know there are some things women do better.
My place is falling apart.
The walls need a makeover, the flooring needs to be re-done, baseboards need to be replaced and some items need to be removed all together.
And yes I know that some of you are thinking that I left out the most important reason for needing a man.
And you’re absolutely right!
It just feels awkward to write about it here.
Truth is I’m a bit embarrassed to mention it.
Oh what the hell!
Here it goes!
It might be degrading and inappropriate but…
I could use someone to take the trash out weekly or daily – you know depending on how capable they are. 😉
~
Please take a moment to fill out this short survey
Now check out this cute song by Brad Paisley
Do I need a man around here?
or do I just need to get a grip?
pixilated2 said:
Diana, I have been teaching myself to do a lot of things I never thought I could manage. Sometimes when I am working on a new project I have most resembled you after you took apart the loft bed… 😉 However, yesterday when I fixed my washing machine that my husband had sworn at, and two girly men on the PartsSelect website had said was impossible, well, you just can’t imagine how good I felt! We are given all the wrong messages as we grow up. It’s time for us, all women, to realize what we are capable of and then do it! It is so empowering! ~Lynda
PS: You can find really good instruction for any task or job on Youtube!
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dianasschwenk said:
(smiling) I’m sure that’s true and I do a lot of things for myself, there’s just some things I don’t want to do ever! hahaha But I guess I don’t need a man, perhaps one of my female friends can do it for me. 🙂
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pixilated2 said:
… perhaps one of my female friends can do it for me.”
There’s a thought! 😉
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dianasschwenk said:
(smiling)
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thoughtsfromanamericanwoman said:
OOPs just noticed someone did suggest a makeover party…hey great minds think alike!! I missed that one. 🙂
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dianasschwenk said:
great minds do think alike!
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thoughtsfromanamericanwoman said:
🙂
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thoughtsfromanamericanwoman said:
Everyone seems to have good ideas for you too, I would suggest schedule a makeover party, invite friends to help you paint, move the “firewood” and other odds and ends. Each person may have the right talent in getting things done. Supplying a free meal is a good payment – that is the Presbyterian way of thinking….”Feed them and they will come”! 😉
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dianasschwenk said:
food always helps – unless I have too much then it’s nap time which doesn’t bide well with work-your-butt-off time!
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thoughtsfromanamericanwoman said:
LOL so true!!
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faydanamyjake said:
Hello 🙂
A few suggestions.
I would consider lifting the carpet and lino ( try a hairdryer to soften the glue) and replace with wood if you can or wood effect lino is surprisingly effective and much cheaper.
maybe get a nice rug for your living room.
The sliding doors and baseboards and removing bed get a man ( have you tried no more nails type glue?) probably one days labour.
Decorating. its not so difficult. I must have decorated about 40 rooms.
🙂
As for the man they make far more mess then they help clear up, consider hiring on an hourly basis 🙂
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dianasschwenk said:
This all sounds very wise and good – thank you Fay! xo
Diana
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Wyrd Smythe said:
“Taking out the trash”… yes,… I believe I have heard it referred to that way… 😛
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dianasschwenk said:
Hey Smitty – been awhile, good to see you!
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JackieP said:
you know what you need? After I got done laughing I thought what you need is a “fix up party”! Invite all your friends, female and male for one day of fixing your place up! Or a couple a month till you get things fixed! or painted! Or, you could just hire it done. I know women have a tendency to get ‘taken’ advantage of in this. One way I changed that is I had a male friend come over before any handiman and talk to him I know thats so lame, but hey we have to be realists sometimes. The world is what it is. We as women just have to be smarter! Easy peasy!
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dianasschwenk said:
I love this idea but I have always had a hard time asking for help…I don’t know why…
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JackieP said:
well you aren’t really asking for help for yourself. Your home needs help! So you are asking for that reason. Look at as a good excuse for a party. 🙂
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dianasschwenk said:
haha! You make a valid point my friend!
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joannerambling said:
Maybe you need to get a grip of a good man……………lol that said you can do it if you try and try and then do what a man would do throw things and swear then try again………….lol
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dianasschwenk said:
oh got the throwing things and swearing and sobbing and thowing myself on the floor thing down pat!
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artsifrtsy said:
I live in a constant state of repair. If I can lift it I do it myself, DIdn’t do the stonework or the rook, the rest was a piece of cake. In my family we paint so often that the rooms actually get smaller over time:) There’s something very satisfying about DIY, even if it only comes out so-so. Go for it!
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dianasschwenk said:
Thanks for you advice and encouragement. I really did mean for this post to be funny but judging from everyone’s heart felt advice, I’ve been taken completely seriously and suck at humourous!! Good to know everyone cares though 🙂
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artsifrtsy said:
Oh I thought it was pretty funny – that baseboard bit. Anyone who has ever made a furniture purchase from IKEA would totally relate 🙂
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dianasschwenk said:
I don’t know what possessed me but after the loft bed, I went back to IKEA two more times!
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artsifrtsy said:
IKEA can be so seductive
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Margot Schwenk said:
Good morning Diana,
Reading your comments about your place needing repairs I am in the same situation as you are. We live in this present house for almost 27 years and it really needs some uplifting and and repairs also. The fireplace is the big culprit.The minute you open the door of the oven to put some wood on it releases a lot of smoke and therefore the house is due to get a fresh coat of paint again. Our bathroom is long time overdue and it needs to be updated.And the list goes on and on.
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dianasschwenk said:
You have a great house mom!
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jmgoyder said:
Oh Diana – I am in the same predicament! Everything is falling apart in this old farmhouse, I can’t keep up with the garden and I told Ming this morning we should sell out – coincidence! Take care – I know what you are going through! Lots of love Julie
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dianasschwenk said:
thanks and good luck to you!
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Louise G. said:
Oops — I left off the what you really need — You need a woman! We can do it all. Right? 🙂 It’s just we don’t want to. Men would feel so…. useless, like maybe they were sex objects or something, if we didn’t leave a little work for them! 🙂
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dianasschwenk said:
“I feel so useless because women just see me as a sex object,” said by no man ever! 🙂
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Louise G. said:
I voted but seriously — you need more than a man. You need a miracle worker! 🙂 tee hee
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dianasschwenk said:
(smiling)
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billgncs said:
can’t you ask your landlord? Usually you can get a paint job every couple years.
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dianasschwenk said:
probably but then I have to move all the furniture to the center of the room in preparation. 😦
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billgncs said:
you could just paint around it
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dianasschwenk said:
yeah – great idea – thanks!
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billgncs said:
🙂 — sounds to me like a change is in order. Sometimes we get in a rut.
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dianasschwenk said:
yes, very true…somewhere tropical is sounding like an excellent change 🙂
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billgncs said:
sometimes just a different view, new neighbors is a change for the better.
But, I am always in favor of grass skirts.
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dianasschwenk said:
you like to wear them? 😉
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billgncs said:
yikes!
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Magnolia Beginnings said:
You deserve a wonderful man that will do all of those things for you while you are away on vacation in the Caribbean BUT you don’t need him. First of all, they rarely do those things anyhow. Sounds like the perfect things to fight over. (“Honey, why haven’t you fixed the basedboard. When you moved in you said it was on your list and it’s been two years?”) Do what you can, probably more than you think you can do, and find a handyman you can replace when he doesn’t do his job. Then find a man to have some fun with while your place is getting repaired.
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dianasschwenk said:
Great advice! Thanks for weighing in my friend!
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bulldogsturf said:
Well it appears that I’m the first man to comment… and in our country we either buy our wives the tools to do the job, because they are better than us… or we do it ourselves… I’m one that does it myself….
Women alone normally get taken to the cleaners by contractors, specially if they have no idea about what they are speaking…
So I voted get yourself a man… I’m taken, but that offer from mindfuldiary, might be worth looking into… even if he is useless around the house he could be useful to intimidate contractors… but I do understand from mindfuldiary that they are good at taking out trash, as well as other things…. so you go for it…
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dianasschwenk said:
haha sounds like a good system. Thanks for being the first brave man to dive into this post and comment! 😉
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mindfuldiary said:
oh yeah,I voted, you’re defnetly need a man (for taking out trash or love…who cares)! 😛
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dianasschwenk said:
haha 😉
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mindfuldiary said:
Go Diana! Go Diana! Your’e so pretty. And why not (oh boy, you’re a breave woman to voice it out)?! But,It has to be one heck of a strong man (for a woman like you)! Still smiling……….maybe I can find some candidates from Denmark?! ;-D
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dianasschwenk said:
haha! thank you! Yes please, ship over some Danes would you? (laughing)
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mindfuldiary said:
They’re used to cold weather here, so they fit right in where you live. ;P
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dianasschwenk said:
perfect!
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Jennifer S said:
This was hilarious! I want some of that material your baseboards are made of… it would make awesome dog chews!
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dianasschwenk said:
I’m scared it would tear their mouths!
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cyclingrandma said:
Funny. My advice would be to 1. prioritize the list, 2. get estimates for each job from a few people.. and then hire… and maybe that handy person is a women!
It’s not a character flaw to admit that there are some chores you’re not good at and don’t like to do! There are many things that you do well so revel in that!
Good luck!
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dianasschwenk said:
good advice – thank you!
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