Yikes!!
I usually write my Hump Day Chronicles post on Sundays. That way I have until Wednesday to proofread it and edit it and add pictures.
Seems like a good strategy to me….
But my mind is blank – I’m actually panicking!
Have I said everything that I have to say? I’m seriously stumped. I can’t think of a single thing to write about.
Well I can. There are some deeply personal things I could write about. Things that have literally changed my life.
But just the thought of writing about them has given me sweaty palms.
I’m not sure I want to share them with the great, big WWW.
Not sure I want to make myself THAT vulnerable.
Not yet, anyway…
But they would be great stories.
My mind would spit out words and examples quicker than I could type them.
Quite possibly my stories would also have important lessons that might actually help someone else through a difficult time.
Maybe somebody out there would comment on them saying they don’t feel so alone anymore.
And then I wouldn’t feel so alone anymore, right?
It would be meaningful, genuine and from the heart and people respond to that kind of thing, don’t they?
I know I do.
But I don’t have the courage. Or I don’t want people to know. Or I’m afraid people will judge me.
Or I think they won’t like me or respect me anymore – that they’ll just shake their heads in shock and walk away.
(Gulp) They might find out I really don’t have it as ‘together’ as I like to let on.
It’s really ironic though. Honestly, just the other day I said to someone:
“Why do you care so much about what other people think? Just be who you are, knowing that sometimes you’ll mess up but…you can always apologize afterwards if you do.”
Yet here I am, petrified of what you might think.
UGH!
I hate when I do that! Especially since courage is the virtue I admire above all others.
Isn’t that the way it usually goes though?
You give your opinion about something then suddenly you’re faced with a similar situation.
And you don’t have ‘the balls’ to take your own advice? I know it happens to me on occasion.
Mental Note to self: Stop giving advice!!!
OK – it’s not that drastic Diana…step away from the keyboard and take a deep breath.
Maybe I’m not quite ready to share some things just yet. But maybe that’s OK.
It doesn’t make me a bad person, does it? Perhaps I’ll be ready someday…
…Until then, would ya look at that – I’ve written my post!
What makes you angry at yourself?
talktodiana 
I just stumbled onto our blog via slapppshot – which I also really enjoy reading – and oh my god this post just really hit me. You know when you read something and you think ‘get out of my brain!’? I started writing my own blog about 2 months ago, and I totally get this – the constant struggle to think of things to write that will interest people, but be meaningful. And the constant worry that the things I have to say that are meaningful are (often) so personal that I don’t really want to put them out there. Not least because of what friends or family will think, but also because – and here again I totally get you – because I talk a good game of not caring but TOTALLY care what people think, much more than I like to admit.
Anyway, this is a long winded way of saying that I really enjoyed your post, and I’m looking forward to reading your blog from now on!
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Thank you for your comment. I don’t feel alone now! Thanks for stopping by and saying hello. 🙂
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What makes me angry at myself is how I hold back my feelings. I’m afraid of rejection and terribly afraid of showing how I feel and then being left behind. So I’m incredibly aloof in person and amazingly open on here. Therapy by blogging. Cost effective, I’d say. Oh, by the way, I had a great vacation but sincerely missed you and your writing. See… I did it again! Feels good too!
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haha! Glad you had a great vacation. I can be quite aloof in person too….oh well…
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Diana, I have been wrestling with that same bear. Much of our blogging takes the form of an open journal. Were the words put on paper between two covers it would be out, but still safely hidden away. Blogging is journaling out loud and some things that could easily be spilled in ink, and then the book hidden in a drawer, do feel safer in that environment. And yet, as you say, we would like to know we are not the only ones.
Still suffering in silence,
~ Lynda
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What a neat comparison! Thanks for giving me something to chew on…oh and sending good thoughts and feelings your way for peace and comfort to kick suffering in silence square in the @$$!
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Well I think I did that today. So many of my blogger friends are feeling what we feel, and you were the most recent to voice your pain. Thank you for being one more voice in the blogosphere and helping me to finally talk about it, out loud, so to speak. I certainly did not get the responses I expected. I have a vision and a focus now that I didn’t have when I got up this morning. 🙂
~ L
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That’s awesome. Have a wonderful day.
Diana
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Love your post but would also LOVE to know the real you, the part of you or whatever it is that you can’t write about. And to that end YOU are definitely not alone – so much we hold back on in our writing. Keep that very inner core to ourselves. And there is nothing wrong with that. 🙂
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I think you do know the real me, you just don’t know all my stories 🙂 You are right as well, there’s nothing wrong with keeping some things to ourselves. Hopefully though I will be able to share more things in the future though.
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Thanks for a thoughtful post as always Diana..I think that authenticity isn’t just about “gut-spilling”. There’s the balance between having the courage and generosity to share, as well as the wisdom about when to share it. I always believe that if we’re not ready to share something, it was someone else’s turn to help whoever needed to hear it (as you say, we’re not alone right?) Also, if we’re not clearly ready, the sharing won’t be as good – like a good cheese needs the right time and conditions to mature yum! Thanks for sharing as always 🙂
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Well put – thank you! Oh and I love cheese. I like that: if we’re not ready, the sharing won’t be as good. Thank you so much for leaving such thoughtful comment. 🙂
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funny how some posts write themselves. You will say what you need to say when you are ready to say it. And likes and hits don’t define you, they never did.
after all, you cracked a mean pun the other day!
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yeah! that wasn’t such a bad a pun was it?
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it was cool!
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Do it, do it, do it!
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Ha, ha, ha all in good time. 🙂
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Sharing is caring 🙂 you can tell us anything.
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🙂 thanks!
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If courage is the virtue what does that say about me since I have no courage I am a big fat chicken……………lol
What is this Mental Note to self crap about stop giving advice some of us like your advice and those who don’t well they are idiots and wouldn’t know good advice if it hit them it the face with a two by four…………….lol
What makes you angry at yourself you ask well it would have to be when I put myself down that I hate and I have to stop doing it honestly I could do with a good shaking at times………….lol
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I’m sure if you have a need for courage you will find it 🙂 Haha my Mental Note to Self was my poor attempt at humour. I can’t help myself in regards to dishing out advice…so worries there! I don’t think you need a shake, when I get negative thoughts, I try to quickly counteract them with a positive one 🙂 Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to share your thoughts. I love hearing what people have to say…I love the ‘conversation’
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To answer what makes me angry at myself… we both know I’d be here all day, so I’m not going to get started on that one today!
But, like others have said, this is your blog and up to you what you want to share/not share in this space. But if one day you reach the point to share those things that have been life changers for you lately, don’t worry what we will think. You are already courageous and respected, those who might choose to walk away make their decision based on themselves and not on what you have to say. Hugs to you,
take care lovely
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Such sweet and encouraging words…thank you my friend 🙂
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You inspire me. Wonderful post. Just standing on the edge of jumping and looking down like you just did is courageous.
When you feel the time is right, and then you will jump, and maybe even have on a parachute!! These are your friends 🙂
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Great analogy – thanks Kim!
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I am sure your stories are fun, entertaining and probably some lessons for us. And you are right, you can scare yourself silly on what other think, so why bother? Probably not going to meet most of us. And if you get some passive-aggressive, just do what I do, “Oh, I embellish a little.’ …or “I just say these things to amuse you” Have fun with YOUR blog Diana! (we don’t matter)
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Of course you matter! But you’re right, it’s not good for me to take myself so seriously….
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Love your style of writing, Diana. I have found myself really searching for blogs that are genuine and vulnerable, yes it takes courage to be vulnerable but it benefits you and probably the one who reads. Because they also realize that they do not have to be perfect all the time. What ever you do, I like your style. Be back for more. best 🙂
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Thanks so much for stopping by and for your generous comment. See you soon!
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there is nothing wrong with being vulnerable…..it’s what makes us human…..and there is nothing wrong with waiting till you are really ready to let some of that vulnerability show. As I have found on this blogging adventure…there are so many wonderful people out there! And they rarely judge….because they have been there also. Me included, even tho I am a real newbie to blogging!
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Well welcome to the Blogosphere and thank you for your thoughtful comment!
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I get angry when fear stops me from doing something that could be amazing!
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I hear ya on that one!
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Getting angry with myself, or down on myself, frustrates me. If we can use that negativity as fuel for positive change, it’s a blessing. If not, well… Plain stinks! lol
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great point August! I’m sure with you when others are hard on themselves…so now to apply to me….
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Awwww…I give EXCELLENT advice to people that I couldn’t possibly ever follow myself. I’m pretty much an expert at being someone else!
What makes me angry at myself? Knowing better. As mentioned above, I give excellent advice. As mentioned above, I suck at taking it. This constantly and methodically puts me in stupid situations that are 100% avoidable. Being human is no fun!
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Being human is awesome! At least that’s where I want to get. 🙂
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And that’s a much better attitude. THIS is advice that I will take. See the fun in humanness!
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see sometimes writing about thinking about writing about something is all you need 🙂
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Yeah, I guess so! 🙂 Thanks for stopping by!
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always a joy
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Hugs Diana — vulnerability is the most courageous place to stand. and you’ve just been vulnerable and real. And… as I wrote to a commenter on my blog yesterday — the world needs people who are willing to be real, vulnerable and beautiful.
You’re beautiful in your vulnerability my friend.
Shine on!
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Thanks for your kind words Louise! And always your encouragement!
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Diana,
There you go, by admitting you are kind of afraid to take your own advice, you’ve taken a teeny, tiny step in showing the cracks in your armor and we still like you anyway. And you’re right, it isn’t that drastic, you’ll get there when you get there.
Blessings,
Kina
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Oh, I missed seeing your question. I think the thing that makes me angriest at myself is when I ask a question without realizing the answer is right there, ready to bite me or realize I’ve restated the obvious. It’s a total DOH/DUH moment.
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Haha I do that!
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Aww shucks…thanks..
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