Tags
7 Things, abuse of power, Diana Schwenk, disrespect, gossip, late, pat answers, rudeness, teens
I’m usually quite reasonable and cool-headed (at least on the outside).
But following is a list of 7 things that ruffle my feathers,
make my blood pressure go up and
make me lose it.
7. Tardiness
I work hard to show up on time. In fact, I’m usually early. I value my time and the time of others.
My Dad always said being on time is important.
A lesson I took to heart.
So when there are meetings, appointments or social gatherings;
I’m on time. Sure things can come up, emergencies, bad traffic, etc.,
but when someone is consistently late, I just wanna…..
6. Gossip
Sometimes we need a sounding board. Someone we trust to hear how we plan to handle a difficult situation or person.
Someone who can ask those important questions that reveal our true motives.
Someone we trust to hold the conversation in confidence.
But there is a fine line between this and gossip. And we need to choose our confidants wisely.
I’m pretty sure that if so-and-so wanted me to know about their divorce, their struggles with their kids, or whatever the case may be, they would tell me.
I don’t want someone else’s opinion on the situation.
Because even when I try really hard not to be affected, their opinion sometimes changes the way I view a person – usually for the worse.
5. Abuse of power
I don’t care if you’re a teacher, boss, landlord, politician, police officer, caregiver, pastor or doctor.
When you abuse or misuse your authority and damage even one vulnerable person you better pray I am not witness to it.
When you hold authority over anyone, you have a higher responsibility to uphold a fair playing field.
That’s all.
4. Disrespect
I once was invited to speak to an assembly of 700 students at a high school.
I was warned by no less than seven people that these kids were obnoxious and rude.
“‘You know what teenagers are like, right?”
Every teacher was in the gymnasium to make sure that all hell didn’t break loose.
I walked the gauntlet of sympathetic teachers to the front of the gymnasium and stood behind the microphone and said,
“Hey, I know it’s Friday afternoon. I know you’re tired, but if you’ll bear with me, I think you might actually get something out of this. I know I will.”
You could have heard a pin drop during my ‘anti-bullying’ talk.
And it was followed by students wanting to relate their stories and ask questions.
Later a few teachers asked me what the heck my secret was.
I responded, “Simple – I gave them my respect and they gave me theirs..”
3. Generalizations
“I was in a bad relationship and therefore all men/women are deceitful, selfish, dishonest…”
“A man/woman from (insert country) once ripped me off while I was traveling, therefore everyone from (insert country) are dishonest tourist ripper offers…”
This logic makes me want to rip my hair out!
There are good and bad apples everywhere.
2. Pat answers
We all know people who are going through, or have gone through devastating life-changes.
And we feel this incredible pressure to solve it or make it better, don’t we?
Sure, we mean well. But sometimes we just say the stupidest things.
Sometimes people just need you to listen.
They just need you to cry with them and hug them.
They just need you to say that you’re sorry they’re going through a difficult time.
That you will support whatever decision they make and
that you’re there for them if they need you.
1. Rudeness
I was once on a date. A great date with a lovely person, I thought.
The man sitting across the table from me was so charming, intelligent and funny.
It was only a first date but I found myself thinking, “Hey. Maybe he’s the one.”
When the server came around, this same delightful man turned into an ugly manifestation of everything I despise.
He called our server an idiot and reprimanded him about his lack of knowledge.
Mortified and angry, I left, apologizing to the server on the way out.
Can you relate to this list?
What makes you lose it?
artsifrtsy said:
Good list – I confess to persistent tardiness. Inexcusable, but still persistent.
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dianasschwenk said:
haha one musn’t underrate the value of consistancy! 🙂
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russtowne said:
Reblogged this on A Grateful Man and commented:
I just discovered the wonderful blog from which I’m re-blogging this post. I especially LOVED Diana’s #4 and #1. Way to go, Diana! Your actions display a great spirit! Thank you not only for your post but for how you show up in the world as it makes my world better!
Russ
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russtowne said:
I really like this post and the wonderful spirit you are, Diane.
Russ
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dianasschwenk said:
Aww thanks!
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ioanna aggelidaki said:
Well said! Rudeness is my number one too. It makes me wanna slap that person in the face! Just thinking of it makes me lose it! 😛
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dianasschwenk said:
Rudeness is…..well it’s rude! Thanks for stopping by and commenting!
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Zhen Huang said:
I agree with you, #7 totally gets to me, I hate waiting. What is the best thing to say to your best friend who is late?
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dianasschwenk said:
Just invite her to meet you a half hour before you really want to meet! 🙂
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elizabeth2560 said:
Disrespect and bullies …are they the same thing or two separate things? I would certainly rate bullies as my pet hate. Those people who stamp their feet and throw a temper tantrum in order to get their own way … and often do.
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dianasschwenk said:
good question! I guess sometimes they can be…
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slapppshot said:
Hi Diana…look, I feel we got off on the wrong foot!?!?
I might be late…for everything and I talk about you behind your back. Big deal, right? Being a guy I try to see your strengths as a woman, but find it hard when you don’t do your hair the way I like it…especially when yapping away whilst I’m watching sport. You know this! As for the waiter at the restaurant…go take a hike!
🙂
If your writing keeps me in this place I’m finding myself every-time I read your work…I’m considering ‘I’ might be the one!
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dianasschwenk said:
Way to get into the role! hahaha If i ever do a workshop on this I will see if you’re available for role-playing!
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thisislemonade said:
Grrrr haha I feel that anger at the wrongness of some of these things! At the end of the day, it’s all about respect and humility being isn’t it? Even something simple like lateness, it injures another party because the message you’re sending to the people you’re meeting is that they are not important enough to turn up in time for. You’ve hit a fat nail on the head!
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dianasschwenk said:
thanks! I work hard to keep my cool too but deep down these things just IRK me
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Our Life In 3D said:
…and people that chose not to buy into a vision or project. I get it when others don’t understand the vision but when they chose not to go along they are like a cancer. Great post Diana!
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dianasschwenk said:
yes that’s a pain and counterproductive and a red flag that seems to indicate some people need to move on?
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MarinaSofia said:
All of them rile me as well, but especially the generalisations (or stereotyping) and disrespect. I find even the most thoughtful, kind and well-educated people can be prone to that.
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dianasschwenk said:
true. I’ve done it myself even! Shhh don’t tell. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts….
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MarinaSofia said:
Won’t tell on you if you won’t tell on me…
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newsofthetimes said:
Great list!!! I can relate to them all! But I have really struggled over my annoyance when people are late. I used to get really worked up about that and I have been working on it…thanks for a great list! Good to know I am not alone!!
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dianasschwenk said:
yeah, I’ve pretty much graduated to indifferent (at least on the outside) As always, thanks for stopping by and commenting. 🙂
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newsofthetimes said:
always!!!!
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elizabeth2560 said:
I am the reverse. I am ALWAYS late. Try as I might I am always rushed to scrape in just in time .. or just not in time … for appointments and meetings. For social gatherings I get annoyed at people who get annoyed at people being late as i regard it as a trivial thing to being late to a social event especially casual ones. And of course if I am actually hosting the event then of course i am hoping against all hope that everyone will be just that little bit late because i am NEVER ready by the time it is supposed to start. I am not sure what is behind all this, whether i cannot judge how long it takes me to do things so that inevitably I do not allow quite enough time, Or whether i value time so much that I cannot stand the thought of being early and therefore would have time to waste before whatever it is begins. Anyway, I do not put lateness in the same category as your other points which are behaviours that can be (or should be) controlled or managed whereas I regard lateness is an issue of planning and organisational skills … some people have them and some people don’t and (in my case anyway) is generally an unintended thing.
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dianasschwenk said:
Yes…I’m sure it’s unintended for most. I bet there are things that would hit your top 7 that I do and in the same breath I wouldn’t think twice about them if they were done to me….they’re just not trigger points for me…make sense?
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Magnolia Beginnings said:
Are we related? : )
I loved what you had to say about respect. Everyone always asks me how I build such great relationships with who they see are difficult students and I tell them ‘it’s simple, I respect them”. You get what you give. No secret there.
Loved it, thanks for writing.
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dianasschwenk said:
Ha! Maybe we’re soul sistas!
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Magnolia Beginnings said:
I think I’d like that! Resigning in about five minutes. Wish me luck.
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dianasschwenk said:
Good Luck!
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rheath40 said:
Love this and i can so relate. Lateness drives me batty. But abuse of power makes me livid. No human being is better than the other.
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dianasschwenk said:
Agreed! Thanks for your thoughtful insights!
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rheath40 said:
Thanks for such good writing.
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Jody Spencer said:
Great list! I think if I wrote one mine would be very similar, especially rudeness and lateness.
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dianasschwenk said:
I hear ya! Thanks for stopping by Jody – I think of you often and all the great work you do in Edmonton!
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billgncs said:
like to hear more about your bullying talk.
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dianasschwenk said:
It used to be one of my fave talks at schools. I also did a talk on addictions. 🙂
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billgncs said:
what is the root of addiction in your mind?
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dianasschwenk said:
I really don’t know…
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billgncs said:
just wondered. Can you post points from your talks? ( or they in the way back posts ? )
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dianasschwenk said:
wow that was so many years ago. The bullying talk was just my own story about being bullied and then becoming a bully. The addictions talk, I had a box of stuff i found on the street (when I worked at the homeless shelter) of used needles, booze, lysol, etc. I had some facts about addictions that I printed off from the internet and i did an improv skit with the kids. I don’t think I have any notes here at home, but I will check. 🙂 thanks for your interest.
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jmgoyder said:
What a great list – I can relate to all of them. At the moment it is my mother’s disapproval that makes me lose it but that is just my problem – it’s probably not universal. On the other hand …
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dianasschwenk said:
Thanks for stopping. Hope things work out with mum!
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